Ready to cave in & need some help

[Wibhay]

Hi I'm sure a lot of you have read a previous post ..Need your advice.
I've recently broken up with someone and although everyone is saying it's the right thing and I agree I'm finding it so hard. I'm sitting here blaming myself and keep picking up the phone to call him and apologie. It's like I'm out of control and can't help myself. Sorry to post on here it's just I have very few friends and don't know how to stop myself. :(

ok, i'll say it - you're talking a load of shit blaming yourself.

You seriously want to punish yourself emotionally and financially for not providing this user an all but free home? Are you so feeling guilty about being free that you want to throw it away on this nasty selfish man who wants to take you for all you're worth (to him) - which is money. Not Love.

Your happiness is worth more than sacrificing £80g and what that could do to the rest of your life. YOU are worth more than what HE (and his children) will do to the rest of your life.

He is a fantasy figure, not a Real Man. Please wake up.

Stop blaming yourself, you've done nothing wrong. He is just pissed off that his cosy plans are all gone !

I think we are all wasting our time, tbh

OP is determined to blame herself.

I think the only way she will stop is if she gets back with him and literally writes him a cheque for 80k.

You just can't help some people.

You don't need a man to complete you and make you happy. Only you can do that. This twat has shown you who is is, over and over.

If somebody could link your other thread in sure I could pull up some gems of muppetry from it, and to divert your attention you could tell us why you think those instances of vile behaviour were your fault?

Totally perplexed as to why you would still be accepting texts from someone who insults you, blames you and wants to control your money. Do you really think that is "love" ??

Block the abusive user's calls & texts. And if you really think that his flaws are somehow your fault, I would suggest seeking professional counseling posthaste.

And why would you set your standards so low -- "a bog standard boring little life." You are a career woman with expertise and a good job in a helping profession, you are young, you have savings, a nice family, a kind nature - you are a catch, not a sad Sally who has to settle for some loser because no one else would want her. Again, maybe you need to find a professional in real life to help you gain some perspective.

AF I have to agree...OP is wallowing & nothing we can say will stop it.
In spite of the fact that it still seems the EX has at no point tried to talk this through, & find a compromise, or even seem sad that over 24 hrs his dreams plans to live with OP, & possibly procreate, have suddenly ended.
So yes, OP you will feel disappointed & disillusioned..... but Buddy doesn't care.. so be thankful you saw him for what he is in time. Grab your self respect & Move on

Right, your thinking is totally disordered here. Here's some tips as to healthy ways to think:

Him: you drained all the happiness out of me.
You: WTF? You've skulked back out of hiding to throw one last insult? Phew, what a lucky escape I had!

You think: all my relationships have been crap, so there must be something wrong with me.
Think this instead: I keep falling for losers, I wonder why that is? (Freedom Programme can help you with that one.)

You think: if they heard his side, they'd think I deserve this pain
Think this instead: nobody deserves to be in pain. The relationship was destructive and now it's over. His opinions now don't matter. I will work out what I think eventually, but I'm not thinking straight at the moment.

You think: it's all my fault, I want good enough.
Think this instead: nobody would ever be good enough for him... Well, apart maybe from a cash machine with built-in adulation chip.

He has been saying that I treated him and his children like shit :(

He's such a horrible, hurtful man.

Block. Him.

If you treated him like shit why doesn't he man up and leave you alone? What kind of man takes money from a woman who treats his kids like shit, eh? What kind of man is willing to marry and "compromise" on a baby with a man who treats his kids like shit?

His pride is wounded and he's now playing you like a puppet, OP! Why on earth are you not blocking his number? Stop allowing him to pick at the scab - it's unseemly. Are you responding to his messages? I certainly hope not. Salvage dignity, block him and start making plans for spending this leave in a more pleasant fashion.

Fuck that shit! The only reason he was happy and jokey before was because he had your 80k in sight.

Just remind yourself he wanted your future baby to be shoved in a corner of a bedroom and not even have its own nursery.

You know when he says you treated him and his family like shit? That's projection - he's the one treating you like shit.
He's a cock OP. Find your anger!

Lealeander nails it.

Hi Lealeander I have been replying to his messages as I've been trying to defend myself

I care what he thinks of me because I still love him and it hurts. I don't want him saying that I treated him and his children like shit And that I'm a horrible person because it hurts :( I know I had my faults

OP if you need someone to talk to you can PM me. I'm going through a painful break up too so if you think it will help you to talk send me a message

OP, Have you asked him to take you back?

I have said that I'm sorry for everything I've done wrong :( he has upset me so much eith all the things he's said. He said I made his son feel uncomfortable and I would never mean to do that. The list is endless. He said I'm nasty and that I'm a trouble maker and horrible :( god I feel like shit

He said I've ruined everything and now have to live with that and that nothing will ever come between him and his children

Look, Wibhay, he will say whatever it takes to keep the conversation going. He probably doesn't even believe it himself. He just wants you focussing on yourself because then you'll stay blind to what a bastard he's being.

I mean, think for a moment. Under what circumstances could a relationship work, in which one person thinks the other has treated them like shit? Clear sign that there is nothing to build on.

Stop engaging with him.

Stop condemning yourself.

And find your anger.

Mind you, I believe him about nothing coming between him and his children. We'd already seen signs of that! And it's yet another clear sign that you're better off out of this.

Just ignoring him, he's making things up because he knows you will react. If you was that bad he wouldn't have been buying a house with you or allowing his kids around you.

Wibs, Stop beating yourself up. Relationships breakdown for many reasons and are very rarely just one person's fault. You're feeling very vulnerable, at the moment, "will I ever find someone I can love as much and will love me as much". Wibs, I have three beautiful daughters and they all went through what you're going through. I don't know how you get on with your Dad, but I just cuddled mine until they were ready to go on. Now I have 7 grandchildren! There is something called the sigmoid curve which charts exactly what's happening to you. The first stages are disbelief that this is happening, then a period of self blaming and feeling worthless, but after a time things get into perspective and you begin to recover and feel good about yourself. You're a young woman with plenty to offer - that much is obvious because you feel things so deeply. But you need to spoil yourself a bit and to recover the feeling that you are to be valued for yourself, as you are.
That's enough preaching, here's .

Oh, and dump the bastard!

Hi, again, didn't realise there was £80,000 in the scales. Definitely dump the bastard.

Thanks for the advice. I've blocked his number and now just need to try to forget the past and just not make the same mistake in the future. I want to be known as a. Ice person not an evil woman