I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

What he shares with you is not love. Ir's a fantasy. He cannot be trusted. He is not with you because you are the love of his life. He is with you because you are young flesh and naive enough to believe his bullshit, so he gets to stick his penis in you.

I am not saying this to be mean to you, I am saying it with compassion, you need to wake the fuck up.

The longer you are with him the more you deny yourself a real chance of a future and family with a decent man who loves you as an equal not a cheap bit on the side.

You do know that if his wife caught him he would probably say it meant nothing to him?

He may be enjoying himself, but he does not feel the same as you. He can't possibly, the kind of naivety you are showing will be long gone by the time any of us are his age.

Cheers Purple. I don't want to be too harsh on the OP. But you're right. It's always the most vulnerable ones that get hurt. The OP doesn't love him. She's lusting after something she knows she can't have. Thrill of the chase and all that. I think if she does snare him the fog will lift eventually and the guilt will set in. Kids won't trust you, friends will have evacuated the area fearing that their husbands arent safe... My mum is now 56, my dads been dead almost 28 years, she's been married and divorced again and yet still gets grief over it. People are still hurting. He left 2 broken families behind.

I suspect a little bit of you knows that's true ^ else why are you posting on here?

Dear OP

just suppose this man left his wife and children and started living with you. and you have children. how will you ever trust him not to do exactly the same thing to you? after all, he was totally in love with his wife once too, and then he got bored... I'm sure he loves his children, yet he's prepared to wreck the family for you. he'll never change and you'll never be able to change him.

and that's the 'good' scenario. the alternate is that discussed above, he'll never leave her, you'll eventually get fed up, and then he'll stay married to his wife and start a new affair with someone else.

do you really want to be with a man like that? REALLY?

Dadonice, Iv nothing against fifty year old men, I just don't want to shag one right now, if that makes me ageist so be it but I think you are overreacting.

The older you get, ironically, the creepier you find it. As in your 50s you're likely to have teenage or grown up kids yourself - how a bloke could have a 20 odd year old child, then contemplate shagging someone the same age... It does make you wonder what was going through their minds when, say their kids' female mates came round... I would have been creeped out by the thought of a man over say 35 when I was 28, if I'm honest. But the older I get, the creepier the thought of it gets, actually.

Only recently found out the neighbour dumped his first family. The fact he's now playing happy families with 2 toddlers is just... ew. At what point will he start fancying their friends?

Do you not think that if he cheated on his wife he could do the same to you?
How long has he been married?
I think you need to take a step back and think of the other people involved in this and think about whether you want to be that person.
Yes he may seem like the love of your life but currently you have the excitement and adrenaline of an affair!
When its no longer an affair and a 'normal' relationship and all he wants to do is put his slippers on and watch corrie would he appeal change?
Put yourself in his wifes shoes then make a decision!

Oh god yeah. Stop with the ageism. I know a few gorgeous guys in their late 40/early 50s who I'd ride in a heartbeat. I'm 36, married to a top bloke and we have 3 okayish kids. :o I can appreciate when someone is hot as fuck. I just don't act on it.

Please, you are not WatchingWaiting4 in disguise?

Blokes who pull the soulmates line, tend not to be hot as feck, though. They're the plain and needy ones. I'm betting this oldie can't believe his luck!

Joffrey my uncle shagged his daughters old school friend. He got divorced started going out more and taking great pride in his appearance. She was 19 and he was 45. It really pissed my cousin off.

The secrecy, excitement, and illicit relations of an affair can be an intoxicating thing OP. Enough to convince yourself he's the love of your life.

You know what, maybe he is. I've known people who have met their soul mates while still in relationships. But they're rare. Very rare. More often than not, things don't work out the way you want them to because you don't know each other properly. You know the 'affair' version of him. And I'm willing to bet you bend over backwards to be as exciting and different from his wife to keep him interested - that's not the real you either.

However, those saying he'll never leave his wife only need to spend 5 minutes on the Relationships board to see all the women who's husbands have left them for the OW. It could happen. But do you really want to ride the shitstorm that it will bring?

Oh no Seaside Sally... So your sister is now 47, single, childless and therefore fucked up her whole life ? I'm in a similar situation although younger and I don't feel like my life is totally worthless thanks very much. And I didn't sleep with anyone's husband but nice to know I'm officially a "cautionary tale".

OP wake up , go no contact . It will be hard at first but you are worth more than this. Change your number and look forwards. Nurture yourself. In less time than you think you will see this loser for what he is.

OP You are in a situation where a lot of ppl are going to get hurt you included.

If Joffreys post had been as vitriolic about a same sex couple or mixed race couple it (and quite rightly) would/should have been zapped.

So age gap relationships are a much safer more "acceptable" prejudice.
Im 42 My DH is 65 and i find the agism in your post appalling.

Not even the fact he's married or it's a shitstorm a-coming that would bother me, TBH. His wife would be better off without him, is the truth. What would bother me is the thought of some young woman giving up what should be the best decade or so of her life and the selfishness of an older person who could ask her to do this.

Also the romantic tosh about having his babies. Not only thinking of the effect on the 'babies' he already had (and presumably at the time he had them, they were 'the centre of my world' or some such BS) but the fact that anyone would do this to Family No 2. Those kids will live with people at the school gate giving mum funny looks cos dad looks like grandad and they will live potentially with failing health, bereavement, etc.

OP, any children you had would be half siblings to the ones he's betrayed. Do you get that?

I think the odds are less that he will not leave wifey or dump OP for the next shiny new model - because time is against him now and in five years he won't be able to pull the next shiny new model. And that is worse for OP as that means she could be stuck with him.

Whilst his old pals might clap him on the back for his derring-do, most people will look at OP and just think "Ew - how can she?" There are hot men in their 50s. But something tells me this is not Anthony Head or Ralph Fiennes. (Syd James? Or maybe Benny Hill. OP ask him who they are if you don't know.)

Helena I am a similar age. I think the man is sleazy. His age is a part of that, undeniably, but it's not ageist to find a man (or woman) who'd behave like that, to be repellent. Or at least... suspect. If OP was my daughter, I'd say the same thing. She should run. A mile.

Wanky why are you making Seaside's sister's opinions on her own life all about you? Just because you're happy in your position doesn't mean she has to be.

I think HER feelings about the mistakes she's made and how it's affected her life as it is now (not where SHE pictured HERSELF...not YOU, Wanky) are valid.

It's not remotely ageist to think snagging somebody the same age as your parents is ewww.

I'm 44. I'd expect most twenty year olds would not want to shag me. I'd be nearer their mums age. Not ageist at all.

Helena, would you expect your DH to find an 88 year old attractive? If not, why not?

Imagine yourself in his wife's shoes. Why wreck someone's marriage? Why can't you have some morals and get someone not in a relationship? Just imagine when you do have kids and a woman like you comes on the scene to bust up your relationship!

Good luck when he meets someone else behind your back in a few years.

Can you really do no better for yourself?

It's pitiful and embarrassing.

'a woman like you comes on the scene and busts up your relationship'

Woman hating bollocks. The only people who can bust a relationship are the people in it.

I don't think it's woman hating bollocks.

I think it's wanker hating bollocks. The op and this bloke are both wankers.

Well almost certainly someone is going to get hurt here. Either you when he dumps you or you when he marries you and then does with someone else what he is doing with you, or his wife, when he leaves her, or his wife and him when she finds out and their marriage dissolves into an acrimonious pile of poo, or his kids when he ducks out on them... or some combination of the above.

Find someone free to love you and start your own family, if that is what you want. We are all unique, find someone who is free to be unique with you.

A friend of mine had an affair with a much older married man (she was 23 and he was 56, I think), he left his wife, got a divorce and married her. Ten years later he left her for an even younger model, which is just as well as he will shortly be needing someone to change his nappies.

But basically a man who lies and cheats is a liar and cheater, how could you ever trust him?