I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

My mum married a man 16 years older than her.

My MIL married a man 18 years older than her.

They're now both sitting around on their own wondering why they were widows before they were 60.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Perhaps you could ask his wife and kids for heartache advice?

This was me five years ago. I adored him. Literally so in love. He said the same things but ultimately he wouldn't give me what I wanted/needed and I ended it. My then husband found out and told his wife. It all got nasty, nasty. We split and they had a really rough time. Now I wonder what on earth I was doing.

Enjoy your affair but don't for Gods sake think any more into it. He's an old man - you shouldn't be thinking forever for this one.

No no no no no and no.

I know a few 'men' who just move around looking for their next 20 years younger pound of flesh. He's probably no different.
And another thing, he's not bloody single, you say he's your soulmate well, would he leave his wife and kids for you? suspect not.

And as for you, I would never in all my life dream of continuing to see a man when i knew he was married let alone had children.

DearFox awful to watch. She would have been an amazing parent. She is fantastic with my DC. She has recently met an (already divorced) man with children. God I hope it works for them.

Please, please do not waste your life on a married man OP. Please

Oh dear it's all a bit of a cliche isn't it. I doubt he'll leave his wife & established life/family for someone in their twenties.

I hope it works out for her helloitsmeagain I feel for her. I also feel that my choices in my late 20s shaped my life (wouldn't say destroyed it exactly, but wow, the legacy, even still). I had two children with an abusive man that I met at 29. When I finally left my confidence was in the gutter and I'd two dependants. No job. Just a really low self-esteem. I'm better now, but still single and lately feeling lonely. I sometimes imagine what life would be like if I'd had children with a good man.

Could be OP who's married. My money's on it being him though.

It could be the OP who is married and not the 52 year old man

Then the OP will surely tell us about the error of our assumptions, won't she?

When I read your thread title, I made an involuntary 'eugh' face. That was before I knew it was an affair. He really can't be that wonderful that your heart aches. Not if he's shagging you behind his wife's back.

He may well leave his wife, but more likely, be kicked out when she finds out.
His kids are probably old enough to feel betrayed by him as well.

Think about this: he is already lying to his wife. Do you think he is telling you anything that is true?

That's what you will be thinking in 10 years time: why on earth did I belive him?

Look on the bright side OP - at least you won't have much competition from other women for him! And certainly not from women in their twenties, or even their thirties.

I'm the product of an affair with a similar age gap. My dad was 23 years older than my mum. Had she not gotten pregnant accidentally it would've fizzled out. He dumped his wife and two young teenage daughters for my mum. They went on to have 3 kids. I got on with them but his first wife was always in and out of the picture. My parents split up because he became very ill and she couldn't cope. She had us and 3-4 jobs on the go. He ended up going back to her and she nursed him until he died at the age of 51. She had control of his final days. She wouldn't let us visit and kept details of his funeral from us. I love my dad but he was an extremely selfish man. My mum was well aware that if a man cheats you can't ever trust him. It doesn't matter if kids are involved. Their feelings won't count. Just the feelings of the two people turning lives upside down as they aren't strong willed enough to control themselves. My mum always says an infamous 70s saying "When a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy".

Why would you want to be with someone who treats women like a disposable item? Do you think you're different? The one to settle him down? Well you're not. He's a dirty dog. Get out and preserve your dignity.

OP, what would you do if he actually showed up on your doorstep and said he'd left his wife for you? I ask because many years ago I was the OW for a short time. It was a much older man who I'd worked with in the past and been attracted to but nothing had happened. We bumped into each other in the pub a few years on and acted upon our mutual attraction. I knew he had a partner but I stupidly fell for the "she doesn't understand me, she treats me badly" spiel and he told me he wanted children with me. It was only a short-lived thing and we never slept together but his partner found out and shit hit the fan. She was convinced I'd come chasing after him when the truth was it was the other way around, and she harassed me for a while. Anyway, she took him back and they're still together AFAIK but, at that point when he told me she'd found out and told him to leave, my first thought was "oh shit." Because I realised I didn't want him as my boyfriend. I didn't want him to move in with me. All those feelings I had just evaporated and I wondered what I was doing with this 54 year old guy who'd cheated on his partner AND his ex-wife and realised that he was a sleaze bucket. Being the OW is just not worth it, get out while you can.

Welcome to mn,

I'm two years older than you. I certainly wouldn't go with a fifty year old especially not one who is married. Yuck! His olddddd balls. Hes 'with' you for your younger body. He doesn't want babies with you. Hes saying what you want to hear so he can keep shagging you. He won't leave his wife. He doesn't love you. Get a grip and end it.

Sorry to hear your story fire. My dad kept having affairs that totally destroyed my mother's self esteem and she now lives alone with virtually no friends.

You might think you aren't hurting anyone op but you are.

My creepy neighbours he is 51 she is 29 - almost the same age difference. All we hear through the walls is endless fighting and shouting. A lot of the gist of it is him shouting at her that she is "a child" and that he is left to do all the housework and childcare whilst she arses about on phones, etc. I'm willing to be when they met several years ago, he was showing off to his mates he had attracted a girlfriend young enough to be his child...

The woman is as vile as the man, in their case (sure you're not) but I do sometimes feel a bit sorry for her. Imagine waking up being 38 and in bed with a man of 62, almost a pensioner. Ew. I am in my 50s myself. When I was 28 I was travelling the world and having fun, not shacking up with me dad. Which is kind of how it looks to outsiders (sorry). I also feel sorry for their two toddlers. I am the same age as this man and have a 14 year old and I get those "Are you the parent?" questions from drs, teachers etc. I can't imagine being 66 with a 14 year old.... Not fair on the kids, either. Having an older parent is one thing but one that much older... There is a huge attitude gap you won't see yet but your whole life experiences are different. It will show once the first flush of lerve wears off. Next door is stuck with a bald old fart (we often hear his garden lectures about how things aint what they used to be blah blah and even I think he sounds like an old fart. I can't imagine being 20 odd and having to listen to that shit.

Ten years from now you will be so glad you ran away. At 38 I was pulling blokes ten years younger than me - was one of those women who really blossomed in my 30s. I can't imagine being 30 odd and stuck with a pensioner.

Yuck! His olddddd balls

Have to admit it was the thought of that and grey pubes that stopped me from shagging the older guy I mentioned in my previous post!

'I understand the judgement.

But I wasn't asking for moral based advice.

Thanks to posters who have shared real experiences.'

Oh, there are loads of threads from people here whose spouses has had affairs. It's all the same lies and bollocks from their spouses.

Soulmate. PMSL.

Grow up.

Is he still taking you out for dinner or has that moved on to just shagging as he doesn't have much time? You don't work for him by any chance do you?

If he cared for you he would leave you alone. He would not allow you to waste your time with him. Even if he did leave his wife, hopefully she will get all the money, half his pension, and his house, all their friends and retain the affection of her children.

You get a tired old man, severely restricted on spending, helping him look after his DC ( because if he's out with you, he's like, such a great dad, leaving his wife to do it all) and I doubt very much he will want more kids.

He'll piss you about til you're about 35, then he will be thinking of retiring. He'll dump you ( somehow portraying himself as a victim) unless his wife finds out first.

Ew, I wouldn't go out with a 52 year old man and I'm 52.

OP needed to be honest on here about being an OW, as these things rarely end well when people hedge around it. It's unlikely, to be honest, that this chap is thinking long-term and he probably sees her as a bit of a fling, and if he's going behind someone's back he isn't that much of a catch.

Having said all that, there are probably ways of giving the OP the right advice without the horrible ageism we've seen on here. (He's an old man of FIFTY-TWO, bloody hell, he's like your DAD, he's got grey pubes, etc. FFS.)