I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

follow - I think you misunderstood my comment If I have my eyes open about the future? What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

What I meant was that in a relationship where there is a large age gap, it is possible that the older partner may become more reliant in later years on the younger partner. Upthread someone mentioned about their husband 'ageing' rapidly once in his 50's. A relative of mine became carer to her spouse after he became ill later in life. 24/7 care for someone with dementia and physical problems. That's what I meant. Although, to be fair, that could happen to anyone at any age.

younger women like older powerful men What a sweeping generalisation. I never did. I have one friend who liked one older man, I don't know if that counts and then you have the bimbos in "Hello" magazine.

But people sleeping with bosses to get to the top happens a fair bit Again, how true is that? I have a friend who is a professor of engineering and she has been accused of that, because, hey, being a woman, how could she have possibly got to where she if she hadn't spread it around.

Yep, it's the biggest load of mysogynistic drivel I've ever heard, actually russell and sorry I misunderstood your comment, pedestriania ..

OP why are you so desperate to be with a man who is so much older than you? In a few years time when he's so old that his testicles will probably dangle in the toilet water and he can't drive an hour without needing a toilet break, will you still 'be in love with him'? Or will he regret leaving his wife and children?

Don't do it. Once the shine has worn off you will be left with a guilty conscious & stroppy stepchildren. I was in your shoes years ago. We married, had kids then...guess what he did exactly the same to me as he did to his ex wife. Karma for me for being nieve & selfish. I believed what an awful woman his ex was. Role on the years & you realise she wasn't aweful, just looking out for her kids.

My son was born when I was 40. Now he is a 14 year old teenager, I still sometimes pick him up from school (this entails me getting out of the car). At 54, I feel old doing this, even though I've got blonde, curly hair, skinny jeans, ankle boots, and a leather jacket and always sunglasses. Thankfully, I'm thin and tall.

There are 'granddad' dads at the pick up at secondary school. They look old, and probably are in their late sixties/early seventies. Picking up their teenagers.

"Thankfully I'm thin and tall"

I'm 53 and I don't feel remotely old picking my kids up from school . Or any other times . Most of my friends my age can still run a marathon in a decent time , so your difficulty in getting out the car must be due to lack of exercise rather than your age .

I'd recommend that you see your doctor and then take yourself to the gym and get fit. I'm afraid the colour of your hair or the skinniness of your jeans won't be enough if you don't look after your health . This matters at any age - 24 or 54

"Whether we like it or not, younger women like older powerful men"

Well men in positions of power in their workplace like to think this, though often it seems to be the triumph of hope over experience.

When I was 20 something I actively avoided such older men. They were lecherous, presumptive and arrogant. To them I was a piece of meat, just another part in their story of "power" and "success". I found them disgusting and kept well clear. Sure, they will have hooked some rather naïve young women in, or those few who feed the stereotype. But if you think that that is representative of relationships in general, I suggest you google "observer bias".

Yuck! His olddddd balls

Funniest thing I've read on here in a long time.

Seriously OP, Give it a few more years and you're talking old swinging balls, flagging libido and a flat saggy arse

and I hate to break it to you, but it's not going to be like Noah and Alison in The Affair
I mean this in the nicest possible way, but you sound like you need to grow up.

Gabilan. I agree. When I was about 28 (same age as OP) I was propositioned. I mean proper propositioned! I was hard up but I had my principles!

A customer of ours who was probably in his fifties and absolutely loaded, reasonable looking with a successful company that dealt with us... well he took me out for a drink as a thank you for a piece of work I had worked hard on for him. He asked me if I would consider being his mistress. He would pay for a flat for me. He would take me for wonderful holidays, trips away, if I wanted, although that wasn't obligatory. Just no expense spared. He would buy me jewellery.

All I had to do would be to sleep with him. I had to be available when he wanted to see me. Apart from that I could just reap the benefits of everything he was showering on me.

No! I found him sleazy and disgusting and turned him down flat.

I'm only 30 myself and would know better than to do this - op you should know way better at 28!!!

OP, I don't know if you're coming back, but here's some advice.

Right now, you're at the mercy of a chemical cascade which is making you feel connected and "in love". It is not true love, it is the attachment chemicals which make us stay around long enough to reproduce and then raise kids together. True love is caring about someone enough to get up in a cold dark rainy morning to put bins out . When the chemicals wear off you need a basis for compatibility that can last. Given the age difference and his comfort with lying and cheating, that's unlikely to exist in your case.

You have to go cold turkey and then you'll see it for the fantasy it is, without being clouded by all the lovely dopamine and oxytocin.

Good luck!

Rousette I think what some people don't realise, when they see these men who are materially successful and have good jobs, and the much younger mistress, is that for every mistress, there were probably 99 women who told him to fuck off to the far side of fuck, and then fuck off some more.

Haha Gabilan yes!

I left that company and lost touch with him (although he did try to persuade me one more time after my adamant no!)

Anyway, fast forward 30 years (I'm old!) and I was in work and someone had the local rag and I idly picked it up and was looking through. Good god I thought, I know that man in that picture. There was an obituary for him with his wife, children and grandchildren. It really banged on about what a fantastic family man he was and how he put family before everything. I had a wry smile to myself as I remembered how desperate he was to set me up in a flat and 'call round' when he wanted. He wasn't thinking of his family then!

I'm 52, short and bosomy. I don't feel madly old - I'm certainly not the oldest mother among my daughters' friends - and I do not exactly elicit recoiling horror. Come to that, nor does my cousin's 70 year old husband, who is in amazingly good nick. Can we stop with the repulsed ageism, please?

I've got no difficulty getting out of the car, have just completed this summer walking, (it's not a climb, but a stroll), the three peaks.

I'm one of the oldest mothers picking up my son. The dads are older, some are positively geriatric - and they're not granddads.

The OP (who I don't think is coming back) should feel ashamed for being the OW.

Unrelated to this, however, for perspective:

• there are women who would prefer to have a husband who is too old to take active part in parenting (on account of being too old) by the time the kids are in their teens;
• there are women who do not think being a young widow is such a bad thing;
• and I have heard two people say that the best thing would be if people could have children when they are in their 60s because by that time they would have done everything else they wanted in life; they'd have all the time to spend with their kids (retiring at 65) and by the time the kids are in their 20s, the parents would be dead, allowing more freedom (thinking of things like moving to another continent to live) to their children who are just starting out in life.

I'm open mothed at the assumption that fifty year old plus people have awful bodies, no libido and are predatory.
I'm 55 and my new partner is 56. And we're having the best sex we've had in our lives.

Wow some absolutely scathing views about people who are 50+ bodies. Who knew whenever those relationship threads pop up with women 50+ complaining about the lack of potential dates well it would seem that their old saggy bodies are the reason.

Honestly could we calm down with the disgust you do know you will be in that position sooner or later.

This has nothing to do with age or indeed ageism!

I don't think it is at all surprising if a 20something person thinks the thought of having sex with a 50something is ^disturbing.
And I am saying this a few months before my 50th birthday - I have a pretty good body but it ain't the same that it was 20 years ago

This is not even about the age gap - it's about marital infidelity.

What a catch this twat is.

I really hope his wife finds out and gets rid, then you will be free to reproduce with this piece of shit all you like.

It's about infidelity, but plenty of people have majored in the saggy repulsiveness of the aged form.

Even if he did leave his wife I would imagine he would move in with you and then you'd realise there's nothing that's great about this man. I'd also add, if he's cheated on his wife what makes you think he wouldn't do that to you?

Have more respect for yourself, OP. Don't be a mistress, go cold turkey from this man as has been suggested up thread and build yourself a life where you can be happy with ease (or more ease than this relationship will probably bring you).

Oh and the fact you mention his age means that it IS an issue for you. That issue will only grow as the years pass.

36 here, man is 51. I have greyer pubic hair and am in much worse nick, physically. Plenty of reasons the OP needs to run. Him being older is not necessarily one of them. Some very nasty remarks on this thread.