I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

Hi OP
Could you take it from someone who watched a family get torn apart by two peoples selfishness, one persons naivety and another's mid life crisis that you need to realise this is bigger than you.
It doesn't matter if you love him
If he loves you
Whatever. It's irrelevant. He is married. With children. Dig really deep and find a moral or two and back off, knowing you haven't been part of pulling a family apart. Back off and find a UNMARRIED MAN, Fuck the age gap- that is not the issue here.
He is an utter asshole. Surely you can see that.
Children with a man who has no regard for his current family? Really??

Annie I had to take my cat to the vet, and then forgot to return to this thread. Your verse is truly fantastic darling, you are clearly the next Wendy Cope

An affair is not real life, everyone will tell you this but I don't think you will believe it until it ends and you look back on it.

Your feelings are magnified because it's secret and forbidden. He's no doubt playing the trapped, wounded hero. In reality he's a middle aged man, cheating on his wife, having fun with a younger woman on the side.

It sounds harsh and you are probably thinking that I don't know him or the situation. Honestly, I don't need to. Men like him are all the same.

I'm so sorry, get out now before you get in even deeper.

So where will this suave and sophisticated older man be taking you for Christmas, OP? A snow-covered love nest in the Alps followed by New Year in St Bart's?

Or will he be spending the festive season with his wife, dc, and a housefull of their friends and relatives while you keep vigil under the mistletoe just in case he's able to snatch a couple of hours with his 'soulmate'?

I agree with the PP waaaay back at that start of the thread....

Tell him that you wont see him again until he has left his wife.

And you will never hear from him again. He has spent a very long marriage using women like you, and it wont be the first time he has had that ultimatum. You "love" him because he knows how to push the right buttons to get you to have sex with him, but when push comes to shove, he will stay with his wife and kick you to the kerb.

He is having a mid life crisis. He does not love you

For a split second I thought of Mark Harmon.
Then I figured he's some greasy haired, pleather jacket wearing old man down the pub.
Vile.
Shame.

I am the wife abandoned after 27 years. His fluff is 21. Our kids despise him, his friends deserted him, five months on the cracks are showing. Karma

Most 52 year old men would jump at the chance to shag a 28 year old, wife or no wife.

Wife or no wife?? Seriously???

In my experience, yes. I'd they know there is little chance of getting caught they will probably take the risk.

For instance in my office (small team in a professional firm), 2 guys in their late 40s, both of whom are married are sleeping with women in their mid-20s. Both men are married.

I have come across quite a few other instances too, particularly with successful men. I am sure older losers have less chance....!

I've known someone in a similar situation. In our early 20's a friend of mine was dating a friend of her parents. She was 24, he was 48. They were together for around three years. He wasn't (nor ever had been) married. They broke up because they wanted different things from life.
He was a non-creepy, very nice guy.

I don't really think age is the issue as such. Historically, (and in some other cultures still) women have married much older men. If you have your eyes open about the future, it shouldn't be a problem.

The fact that one of you is married is the problem.

If I have my eyes open about the future? What the fuck is that supposed to mean? That as long as I expect my Oh to inevitably end up fucking some 20 year old down the line, everything will be ok? Is this 1910 or something? Where's my fucking 20 odd year old guy? Can I have one, if it's expected that he can have one too??

aghhh I'm pissed off... The op probably isn't even real. :-/

Of course you can have your 20 year old
..what the hell, 20 year olds for everyone!

Whether we like it or not, younger women like older powerful men. And older powerful men like younger, pretty women. Morals should intervene. But they don't in many cases.

Where did the guys in your office find the mid 20s girls, hustle? You sure they're not er, being paid...? Or are they just soooo dashing they can pick up anyone, I mean, why bother putting up with the rotten old wifey, oh of course because she makes me dinner....ok I shhhh now..

20 year olds are for everyone? You're a sick bastard.

In resoonse to your last comment, that was just a joke!

Hate to say it but it was women in the team. I work in a relatively small team (about 50) and things seemed to happen. They didn't go actively looking I don't think. But it is all very sad IMO.

My DSis married her H when she was 40 and he was 60. He was her soulmate -- well he was for a whole year till she left him . very nice bloke who could not match up to her lifestyle.

Of all the 20 something women I know at my workplace, I can say for sure that not one of them would actively seek out a guy 20 years their senior. They're far too busy with the attention they get from guys their own age. It has nothing to do with "power" but perhaps you're referring to the team you worked with in like, I don't know 1970?

Indeed, I must have got it wrong. Apolgies. I better get myself back to the real world eh? Silly me.

Depends on the individual, the environment and the firm. But people sleeping with bosses to get to the top happens a fair bit.

Yep, you tottle off ;-)

P.s no chance it would happen at my firm

Who said anything about tottling off?

So it doesn't happen at your firm, very good. To assume it doesn't happen is naive as I have seen enough of it.

Please don't do this sweetheart, I beg you.

You want children with a man who is prepared to disrespect the current mother of his children so much (and I promise you, she isn't the miserable grumpy bitch he's made her out to be) he's is disrespectful to his wife (if he doesn't love her anymore why doesn't he just leave her?) he will be disrespectful to you

You can choose him, but I promise he will break you heart in time.