I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

Cactus some of us are taking exception to the disgusting ageism misogyny and shallowness on this thread.

A lot of men have affairs.

Very few leave their wives.

See this for what it is. It will never be any more.

My ExH had many affairs behind my back. He would NEVER have left me and when I left him, he was heartbroken and begged me for weeks to stay. I guess he can shag about all he wants now. But he's almost 50 and alone. Whereas I have remarried. I feel desperately sorry for him.

My point is, he isn't going to leave his wife of 30 years for you. He has you on the side and his soulmate (his wife) at home. They got married before you were born. Wise up. Get out. Sorry, I know this must be very hard to hear.

Bogart was 25 years Bacalls senior.

Cactus, the OP does sound very naive, and I can't see the point of just slagging her off so thought I'd just give her some food for thought.

HelenaDove Bogart was 25 years Bacalls senior.

Funny how these men are never attracted to women 25 years their senior.

Or would that be a misogynistic comment too?

I guess Bo Derek had the same problem attracting men so just had to marry John Derek eh.

Joan Collins seems to do alright with younger men Scremers.

Babs Windsor too.

Beach, I know a few adulterers who left their spouses, but yes, only one that actually stayed on to have a relationship and kids with the affair partner. The others split up, one went back, my husband is still dicking his OW around.

Being in love is akin to madness - really; there have been studies into this and people in love show all the symptoms of psychotic illness. So - not a good time to be making long-term decisions.

If he is married and you are the mistress then please be aware of the pain you will be causing to others. Men go a bit weird at this age sometimes and try to regain their youth - what better way than to bed a 28 year old?

You do need to step back - it is hard I know.

I think the OP has long gone.

Would you similarly wonder whether or not the 50-year-old man in a relationship with a 50-year-old woman, is having sexual thoughts about her 50-year-old friends when they visit?

Er.... no.

Neither would I, so I wonder why, if the woman is instead in her 20s, some people would speculate about him having sexual thoughts about other 20-something females.

I just think it should be possible to tell the OP she is on a hiding to nothing without descending into all the eeeew it's like shagging your dad type comments and all the usual tiresome stuff about being bald and saggy. 52 is not that old. You either know that or you will. But I can see why some people might not want to acknowledge that.

HelenaDove Bo Derek was 16 when she became involved with John Derek. The couple had to move to Germany where John Derek would not be subject to the Californian statutory rape law. Not sure why you mention them.

Oh shit I didnt know that.

I just remember seeing them in Sunday colour supplements when i was a kid.

Helena, I googled Chris Larkin but he looks too much like his mum for me! Still, different strokes for different folks

Calla .....i will admit i do have a thing for red headed men.

I am 35 and my husband is 51. We met when I was in my early 20s and he was in his late 30s. He was married but we didn't get together until he was separated. It's been tough, the age gap didn't matter a jot to me when we met and not for a long time. But as we have gotten older, it mattered to him. He moaned about feeling old at his 40th birthday when we had the scan for our 1st son. He felt even older at the scan for our next one 4 years later! He then decided that he was having a vasectomy despite me wanting more children, I agreed because I would never have a baby that he didn't want to be a father too. He IS older than me. I have had to accompany him to the doctors for various age related issues, held his hand through a referral for heart issues that were discovered during a routine test, had to look into early onset dementia.....I am 35 years old and have to walk slowly next to him as his knee arthritis makes him hobble like, well, like a 50 year old. We don't live together anymore but see each other every day, spend every special occasion together and split the kids between us. He moved out when my eldest daughter went hormonal and they got a flat together around the corner.

He has a walking stick, grey hair, a horrendous memory, set political views and loves watching time team, top gear and war programmes. He no longer has long term goals and is happy just coasting through life without any fuss or drama. While I have goals and am doing my MA next year, he is happy driving a bus. But he is also a brilliant father, a patient man, has a cracking sense of humour and gives the best hugs ever. I love him to bits but as we have aged we seem to have become more best friends than man and wife. We have an active sex life but its just not the same. Maybe that's what married life is though? I don't now, never did it before.

...so I wonder why, if the woman is instead in her 20s, some people would speculate about him having sexual thoughts about other 20-something females.

Mmm. Let me see. Maybe because he's already demonstrated he finds people who could be the same age as his children, sexually attractive?

Because he's having the conversation about making babies whilst he's still married and got children who presumably he goes home to afterwards?

I'm in my 50s as as I got older, my tastes shifted with my age. At 28 I'd rather have poked my eyes out with a rusty fork than shagged a man in his 40s or 50s. However 'handsome' people told me he was. I wouldn't have fancied George Clooney (as he looks now) or Brad Pitt (as he looks now) when I was 28 or even, dare I say, 38. Now? I think they're hot. Now I can also see with my objective eye that say, Aiden Turner is fanciable. But I have sons that are maybe not a hell of a lot younger than him. So I could no more actually fancy him than fancy my sons' friends. They'd go 'ew' at the thought of me but I'd go 'ew' at the thought of them too. That's mutual, non ageist, good old 'ew'.

My point is - as you get older, your tastes shift. The fact this man is still stuck in fancying people half his age, is worrying. Isn't it?

Cactus I think 28 is young and I'm only 36 in a couple of weeks!

I just wondered all these people saying he wont leave his wife of 30 years - well what if he does leave his wife? Does that prove that he does really love the OP? What if his kids have seen that hes been unhappy in his 30 yr marriage and supports him??

Just wondering..

ohdearyme It would prove that he is unhappy in his relationship and has fallen in love with the op and can't pass up a last chance at true love instead of, as most people suspect is the case, he's perfectly happy with his wife, but she is in her 50's too has had a couple of kids and tells him to put his pants in the washing basket all the time.

Daisy. My mother is being cared for badly, but that's another story.
It was not insensitive, it was realistic.
We all get older and often need to be cared for, the bulk often falls onto the partner.

Exactly what deeymee said. This thread is like the sexist gits club, gleefully informing a younger woman that an older man who has a wife cannot possibly love her. Because he really loves his wife.

Hello? Has anybody spent any time on the relationship board here, or chatting to a variety of folks in real life? Being married for decades doesn't mean anybody is happy or still in love.

Likewise the dirty underwear theory. Apparently married men are a disappointment because once you get them home, you have to pick up their dirty underwear.

Apart from a) the wives seem to make love last in the face of these pants related realities and b) I've never met a woman in my life who picks up her husband or partners underwear anyway.