I'm 28, he's 52. I'm in love and don't know what to do

[Hellobearbear]

Just that really.

I've never felt so connected to someone or so attracted.

I want kids, he is prepared to do this, and he already has two of his own.

My heart literally aches for him when I'm not with him.

Is it naive to think I wouldn't find this again with someone younger? I feel like he is my soulmate. But I don't want to look back in ten years and wonder if I made the wrong choice. I don't know what to do.

MorrisZapp is that supposed to be a joke?

No, is a bit more than people informing a younger woman that an older married man cannot possibly love her.

Its warning her that she is probably blinded to common sense.
Its warning her that he may be praying on her relative innocence and naievity.
Its telling her practical experiences of people in the same situation.
Its making her aware that a partner who had demonstrated a tendency to lie and use deceit in personal relationships (admittedly I'm making the assumption that his wife doesn't know and doesn't agree) is maybe not a good bet for a long term relationship or planning your future with
Its reminding the OP that there must have been flirtation on both sides, in the knowledge that there was deceit involved
Its pointing out that there is nothing stopping this man leaving his family, getting a divorce and then setting himself free on the singles market, if he is really that unhappy or out of love and willing to risk cheating

I'd also be surprised if the OP was his first or only affair.

But yes, pick up on one comment about dirty underwear by all means.

Mmm. Let me see. Maybe because he's already demonstrated he finds people who could be the same age as his children, sexually attractive?

But if he's with a 50-year-old he is demonstrating that he finds 50-year-olds attractive? So why is there no speculation about what thoughts he has when he sees other women of a similar age?

Why is there only this problem when his partner is 20ish?

I've never met a woman in my life who picks up her husband or partners underwear anyway.
Where did I go wrong? Should I have chosen less messy partners? Laid down the limits more strictly? Been more laid back? Had hypnotherapy so as not to see the pants on the floor? Washed only the kids' clothes leaving my husband to fend for himself? I've clearly been living my life all wrong!

JAPAB But if he's with a 50-year-old he is demonstrating that he finds 50-year-olds attractive? So why is there no speculation about what thoughts he has when he sees other women of a similar age?

Mmmn, by cheating on his 50 year old wife with a 28 year old, he is demonstrating rather clearly that he doesn't find his 50 year old wife attractive (enough). That he prefers 28 year olds. Did he cheat on his 50 year old wife when she was 28? Probably not (I hope not anyway).

Why is there only this problem when his partner is 20ish?

See above.

Clearly there are few people on this thread who go for older married men and who want to excuse them!

Oh, and Chris Larkin - also had a look. Wish I hadn't bothered.

"I'm twenty-eight
He's fifty-two
I'm in love
And don't know what to do"

MN has spoken
Leave this prick
He only wants
To wet his dick

We know he'll never
Leave his wife
The hills are that way ---->
Run for your life!

Expect this new release from Taylor Swift shortly

This thread is like the sexist gits club, gleefully informing a younger woman that an older man who has a wife cannot possibly love her. Because he really loves his wife.

It's mostly concluded from the little thing (as much as can be gathered - as the OP hasn't confirmed it) that he still hasn't left his wife and is conducting an affair, instead of already having ended his marriage because he loves the OP so much.

*But if he's with a 50-year-old he is demonstrating that he finds 50-year-olds attractive? So why is there no speculation about what thoughts he has when he sees other women of a similar age?

Why is there only this problem when his partner is 20ish?*

Because if he found contemporaries attractive, that would not be unusual. Why would it matter? We've all looked in the shop window - there's a difference between looking at the new shinies and taking them for a test drive.

But damned right I'd have that thought, Hang on...if he fancies someone a generation younger, then what was he thinking when teenage daughter had her mates round... Or he was chatting to that Newly Qualified Teacher straight out of college at Parents' Evening... Or that young woman who's new at his work...

That is a perfectly reasonable thing to 'speculate' where he'd actually draw the line. My husband's in his late 50s. If he fancied a woman in her 40s I wouldn't find that weird. If he fancied a 28 year old - as I have a 26 year old son - I'd find that incredibly gross.

If I was the Mrs of Mr Wonderful, or come to that, one of his friends,or the woman down the pub, or his kids' teacher or their new neighbours when they move into their bijou divorced man on midlife crisis flat... everyone who will know about this when the shit hits the fan, basically... I would 'speculate' or rather, as that's a loaded word, 'wonder' what else would go through his mind, when around young women - not even attractive young women, possibly if the 'young' is the pull.

OP, if you're still reading this (you are, right?) find out what form he has. You won't be the first.

According to this thread all 50 yr old men are perverts and not to be trusted and have conducted numerous affairs - I thought witch hunting went out centuries ago!

No one can say whats going in these peoples lives with all these sweeping judgments

According to this thread all 50 yr old men are perverts and not to be trusted

No, we are saying that all 50 year old men who have affairs and cheat on their wives are not to be trusted.

But what about all 28 yr old women?! Are they to be trusted?!

I don't know there you have got all that from oh deary Its the story of millions of affairs. It's so clichéd everyone knows the script.. OW falls in love. Man is trapped in a loveless marriage. He's only staying for the kids. He'll leave and live with her and have lots of lovely chubby rosy cheeked babies. Except he can leave whenever he likes, because in this case at least, the kids are probably fully grown, and even if they weren't, the fallout from them finding out about the affair will be far worse than if he had just left. The pants example as morris probably well knows was a flippant example of the difference between living with someone and having an affair. The marriage has all the dull domesticity as part of it, while the affair has the excitement and no boring bits. It doesn't mean its better, as many men know- otherwise more of them would leave. Men who have affairs just want to have their cake and eat it.

Slightly irrelevantly, ravenmum but yes of course you should have ignored the pants.

Is he still your soulmate when he is fucking his wife?
Or watching tv with her?
Or eating a meal she has made?
It is just a fantasy. If he wanted to be with you, he would be.

Also, he's old (compared to you). Ask yourself why you think you want so little, and get out would be my advice. Though I suspect you'll waste a year or two waiting around for your soulmate while he opens presents with his wife and kids on Christmas morning and generally enjoys the best of both worlds.

Wow fab poem Cactus! Are you Dr Seuss??

Sorry cross post obvs

Annie its a masterpiece. You've done this before....

It was not insensitive, it was realistic.We all get older and often need to be cared for, the bulk often falls onto the partner.

Yup I know the realities of life. I just don't like the default assertion that because there is an age gap, you need to assess them on the basis of whether youre prepared to be their carer. Case in point is that my DBro is younger that my SIL and she is now his carer. Shit happens no matter what year you're born

Hellobearbear My advice?. Pack it in NOW, it'll hurt, but it will be less hurt all round than what will come to pass if you let it drag on.

If he was a single man then well, you do have a very wide age gap there they can work but to some extent the main issue is what about when your say 60 really want to be looking after a 84 year old?.

I had a 20 year age gap and there were no problems it lasted 20 years and now we're divorced still that marriage duration is longer than the average.

Read most of this thread last night, see some were mentioning about men over the age of 50 in that.

Would you like to spend the night together with a 50 plus year old? no! course not, they can't be that much cop surely?

Well George Clooney is 54, Brad Pitt is 51, Tom Cruise is 53 Johnny Depp 52

Anyone turn down poor ancient Mick Jagger now 72

CactusAnniepocketsaviour Like your verse, very funny :)

I think the age is irrelevant really - I think the naivety of the OP might be an issue tho

According to this thread all 50 yr old men are perverts and not to be trusted

I'd have the same opinion of a 50 year old women who chased after 26 year old men. I'd suspect that she had found a particularly innocent and niaive one and find it a bit creepy. Maybe the very rare couple could get on with that age group, but for the majority, its going to waste the younger partner's time when they could be using it meeting people they might have a future with.

As for this thread being unfair on 50 year old men, what do you think 26 year old men would be saying if one of their mates was dating a 50 year old woman? Can you imagine the derogatory comments?

Justaboy Believe me, famous or not, there are many women who would turn down George Clooney is 54, Brad Pitt is 51, Tom Cruise is 53 Johnny Depp 52 Anyone turn down poor ancient Mick Jagger now 72*

A lot of men always seem to be very optimistic in assuming women fancy them when they don't.

50 yr old women do chase after 26 yr old men! Its not the norm but it does happen!

I'd turn down Jagger and Cruise for wierdness/sexism/ odd religious beliefs. As for the others, it would depend what they're like irl. Handsome is as handsome does