The OW threatened my daughter

[Bloodywellhowmuch]

Hi

My DD (15) sent the ex OW a private Facebook message yesterday and called her a few names and asked if her husband and son were aware of her antics with her dad. The other woman messaged back asking my daughter for proof and she replied that her dad had told her about it. The OW then threatened my daughter with the police for slander and told her that if either my DD or I said anything to her again she would go to them. I haven't said anything to her since I found out about her in February.

She also forwarded the messages to my stbexh, but not her responses (which I did last night when I got them from my DD). My stbexh has told our DD that he is disappointed in her for sending them and I think he is out of line. The had an argument last night when he came to drop of DS2, I wasn't back from uni at this point so I wasn't here to see what happened. The upshot of the argument is that DS2 is now aware of the whole reason his dad left and he is obviously upset and had a bit of a break down last night when I got home.

I have posted a FB status about the difference between slander and defamation (not that she will read it as she is blocked) but it made me feel a little better.

I don't know why I've posted here, I think I just want a little bit of support about it all.

I'm afraid I'm not going to support anyone here. Your dd should not have sent the message, it was completely inappropriate.
Clearly there is conflict between the homes but slinging mud is not going to achieve anything more than animosity. As for your FB post - that was a bit immature. You aren't really setting a great example to your DC as to how is best to handle emotional and difficult situations.
IMO your DD should be making a formal and sincere apology for using such hideous emotional blackmail like that.

Your daughter had no business sending the original message.

Imo hell should freeze over before your DD apologises for calling an adulterer out on it.
If you don't want people to throw your shitty behaviour in your face, don't behave in a shitty manner!

Christ why don't you and your daughter both stop using Facebook to air your dirty laundry!

Your dd is 15 and upset. She made a mistake in contacting the OW but she's young and naive and I'd be supporting her 100%. The adults who had the affair have a cheek in taking the moral high ground. The father will no doubt use this as an excuse to hide behind his own appalling behaviour.

The fact that the OW thinks the police would be interested in this tawdry incident and is threatening your dd about telling them just proves how stupid and unpleasant she is. If I were your dd I'd tell the OW to go ahead and tell the police.

Classy.

Your daughter is 15, old enough to either accept her parents are no longer together or not.

Playing it out on FB and in messages is very Jeremy Kyle though.

It's difficult for you, of course it is, but you really need to maintain a dignified silence and, hard as it may be, make your daughter realise that doing something ridiculous like that isn't going to bring her father back to you.

I'd be furious with her too.

The dd is a hurt child! Of course her actions seem off to us, we are detached adults with tons of life experiences. Poor kid reacted like a child because she is one. OP maybe shouldn't have fuelled it on Facebook but she's hurt, embarrassed and now the primeval mothering instinct is driving her to protect her children! Haven't we all done things we'll later regret? Especially when in turmoil?
Nothing here can't be repaired with time OP. Take my hand. It seems shit now but it will get better for you and the kids.

Really ? Fb for this type of issue ? How very JK. Your dd needs to vent her anger ' in person' with the person who has destroyed her family, her dad. Unless of course he slipped on a banana skin and his knob accidentally fell into ow's vagina...completely inappropriate for a 15 yr old to get into this drama.

The adulterous lover got only what she deserved. When you cheat you open Pandora's box and if you don't like it tough. You should have kept your knickers up. I would support your daughter.
As for your son now knowing again that's brilliant - why shouldn't children know their father decided to put lust above love of family and chose to hurt his children?

Not sure about this though... "difference between slander and defamation" - in law there are two types of defamation - libel (written) and slander (said). Some case law has said chat on line might be slander not libel. Both are IF UNTRUE are illegal although with different consequences. If everything states was true then the ex lover will just have to suck it up and next time keep her underwear on if tempted by lust.

Bloody Facebook
Why the hell do people want to do this in a public forum? Wtf are you expecting to achieve?

I hope FB users realise that increasingly potential employers are looking at applicants' use of social media, so good luck to the lot of you.

She is 15 and in agony about her family splitting up. Your poor DD OP i can see why she did it. ThenLaterWhenItGotDark your comment is a bit out of order.

Tell the OW to feel absolutely free to go to the police to complain about slander. They will politely tell her to stop wasting their time.

Your DD is still very young and is in the process of watching her world fall apart. She almost certainly feels helpless and was probably trying to do something which gave her a tiny bit of control and to have a voice.
She probably should not have done this, but I for one totally understand why she did and part of me is thinking good on her for doing something.
Compared to other crap that is going on, this is trivial.
I would be very protective of her and make it clear to OW and stbXH that threatening a child with the police is unacceptable, especially when she is telling the truth. I would also make it clear if she wants to make threats, you can make a few of your own regarding letting her DH know what has been happening. I would try to motivate the OW to stay away from you and your daughter.
But I have zero tolerance for adults bullying kids, especially when they are so far in the wrong.

I'd Stay away from the JK

And refrain from posting yourself ' cryptic 'inspirational messages'

Cringe

completely agree with Specialsnowflake1

By the way, there isn't a difference between slander and defamation: slander is defamation. You're probably thinking of libel.

I love how people think these actions should go completely unquestioned. The DD is upset. Obviously. She needs to sort it with her Dad but this woman's husband and family deserve to know the truth too!
Tell the OW to call the police. They won't do anything. What a sad person.
Just saying having any emotion is is 'Jeremy Kyle' is classist shit.

What's with all this Old Testament lust stuff? The person who screwed this family over is the man, the one who promised to be faithful.

I'm deeply suspicious of any woman who thinks that other women should keep their knickers up in order to preserve other people's marriages. Only the married people themselves can do that.

Step away from the Book of Faces - no good will come of it.

Your DD is 15 and old enough to take the consequences of her actions, even though I know it must hurt like hell for her. The OW and your ex are too. Leave them to get on with it and stop posting those ridiculous cryptic messages that feed the drama llama.