Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

The OW threatened my daughter

135 replies

Bloodywellhowmuch · 11/11/2015 09:04

My DD (15) sent the ex OW a private Facebook message yesterday and called her a few names and asked if her husband and son were aware of her antics with her dad. The other woman messaged back asking my daughter for proof and she replied that her dad had told her about it. The OW then threatened my daughter with the police for slander and told her that if either my DD or I said anything to her again she would go to them. I haven't said anything to her since I found out about her in February.

She also forwarded the messages to my stbexh, but not her responses (which I did last night when I got them from my DD). My stbexh has told our DD that he is disappointed in her for sending them and I think he is out of line. The had an argument last night when he came to drop of DS2, I wasn't back from uni at this point so I wasn't here to see what happened. The upshot of the argument is that DS2 is now aware of the whole reason his dad left and he is obviously upset and had a bit of a break down last night when I got home.

I have posted a FB status about the difference between slander and defamation (not that she will read it as she is blocked) but it made me feel a little better.

I don't know why I've posted here, I think I just want a little bit of support about it all.

OP posts:

Original poster

Bloodywellhowmuch · 11/11/2015 19:35

Hi, my DD knows that she shouldn't have sent it, I know why she has, as the OW has been playing happy families with her Dh and DS.

I've spoken to my DD and stbexh and they both know where they stand with regards to over sharing information. My DD was looking out for me I understand that.

OP posts:

Tabsicle · 11/11/2015 20:24

I think your DD shouldn't have sent abusive messages to OW. It's basically the equivalent of sending a poison pen letter, just via the internet and that's never OK. I'm not sure what else you or your DD expected the OW to do. I mean, she'd have been more sensible to ignore and block, but really, no one responds well to abuse.

I'm really sorry you're going through all this, OP, though.

wallywobbles · 11/11/2015 21:17

I think there's a snow flakes chance in hell that this is going to stay a secret. Her world is going to crumble sooner or later. Just bide your time.

TheCraicDealer · 11/11/2015 21:37

I don't blame her, I would've done the same thing at her age and I certainly don't live my life via Facebook. When she said, "I'm going to go the police", I probably would've replied, "go ahead love, the number's 101".

When someone has hurt you that badly it's completely natural to lash out in a desire to fuck them up like they have you. It's a struggle for many adults on this board going through traumatic experiences and they have the benefit of like experience and relative maturity. For a fifteen year old who's been betrayed and then burdened by one parent and is probably reluctant to upset the other, this is going to be really hard to deal with.

I think it's important for her to vocalise why she did it, understand the reasons why, and then think about how it might be better to react if she gets those feelings again. And I'd tell her that OW's family will likely find out one way or another- don't get yourself dragged into their shit deeper than she already is.

differentnameforthis · 12/11/2015 06:56

I just totally disagree with this. If you shag someone who is married with kids then you deserve to be called for it. The 'don't blame the OW' opinion on here in just bullshit IMO. I didn't say that the ow was free of blame, just that it would be better if the dd directed her anger at the person who was responsible for this, and leave the rest to the adults.

chrome100 · 12/11/2015 07:15

I can see why she is hurt and why she wanted to send the messages, but she really shouldn't have done. And you are being VU to post about it on Facebook! Not the place.

Hatethis22 · 12/11/2015 07:31

She's 15. I'd be impressed that she used a private message to insult the woman. I'd have made sure everyone could see it at that age.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 12/11/2015 09:17

Chrome, OP only ever posted about slander on Facebook of which the OW wouldnt have seen. Other than that post, she has silent about the affair and certainly not put anything on facebook.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 12/11/2015 09:47

You can indeed be prosecuted for sending abusive messages by Facebook and I know of people who have been

oh FFS! maybe for racist/sexist and violent trolling (and rightly so)

but for a heartbroken child? as if

IamlovedbyG · 12/11/2015 10:39

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6