I just want a very quick yes or no answer

[NCforaRainyTuesday]

Short and sweet:
If you DP said "you have to promise me kids in X number of years now, or it's not going to work"
If DP said " I see you as my support and looking after the kids and home, and me going away exploring"
If he accused you of being "too independent"
If he admitted he tried to "mould your personality into what's best for the relationship"
If you realised you hid things for fear of disappointing him
And you wake up one night seeing yourself in 10 years time, alone with 4 kids, while himself is away, and you know that if you go one step further it will be you signing into this contract because he's never hid that this is what he wants.
Is this a subtle form of emotional control, or am I totally overreacting and need a reality check?
Please help, can't seem to trust my judgement, except the worry in the pit of my stomach.

What everyone else said - run and don't feel you need to explain.

He is also telling you that he is going to cheat on you. Aka 'going exploring'

Change your screen saver to "vaffanculo."

Little feedbacks!??? I want to bludgeon him to death with a plastic spoon. It'll take a while, but it'll be so worth it.

My love. If you make no other decision on your life, make the last one dumping him today.

No phone call answered, write the letter and leave it at that.

This is him actually trying to sell the idea to you too...

I can promise you that if you went along with this, you would blight your own life and God forbid you'd have kids with him! Imagine the poor little mites with an arsehole like that for a father.

Trust me, it's the one thing I will never ever forgive myself for. My son has a truly crap dad and I allowed that to happen. In much the same way it has to be said. He ruined my life.

I also find his no divorce comment extremely intimidating to the point of menacing.

Write the letter posted up thread and get out. Today.

We will be here for you for as long as you need us to be.

PM me if you want? I'll be here to hold your hand for as long as you want me to.

I

If he drives round, your housemates will tell him you are out and to leave them alone.

30 years ago I would have described my self as miss bossy boots . Then i meet my ex 30 years later anybody says to me jump and I say how high. Ex is gone but I am so used to giving control to people I just do. My 1st session has identified this . Hope I can unlearn this behaviour .

You're in the right place at last, summerrainbow. He's gone, you're having counselling and you know what the problem is.

woah.

Getting the fuck out for the sake of your life, your independance, your very self. This man isn't a man, he's a total draining twat. Men take responsibility and share the family work and are committed. This one's fundamental character is not adult and he's just a ... well. He's a shit.

ImperialBlether vaffanculo is def my word of the week! He says belle culo to me all the time so I like the twist.

Hissy Thanks for the handholding, and yes, my housemates are happy to run interference. They said I hadn't seemed right for a while.

Se uno teste decatzo vafuncula

It's spelt wrong but was taught to this a long time ago by my Italian bosses
I think its you have a small sick and fuck off

vaffanculo. In Italian, it literally means "Go fuck an ass". Vaffanculo, testa di cazzo! !!! Go fuck an ass, dick

Ha ha found it even better

Testa means head, so it's dickhead I think.

Love, I shuddered when I hear he calls you nice piece of Arse.

Please get shot of him? 10pm, you'll be busy... If you're anywhere near north Hampshire... Come round!

Leave your phone at home

op i am SO glad you came here, to tell a bunch of strangers about this ridiculous man.

Think positive, don't be scared, think what your mum said.

BE FREE !!!!

OP - you may get off your ex like I got "you're past it for having kids now" or words to that effect as we broke up when I was 30 too.

Ignore block delete.

I've just scrolled up the thread to see what your mum said .

She was right , I'm sorry she's not here to support you right now .

Are you Helen Archer/Titchener?

Seriously - if what he is proposing is what you want then stick with him. If it isn't, then go.

I think your gut in instinct is right. Move on now while you can .

RUN AWAY FAST

vincere has a more sinister overtone in Latin - it means 'to conquer', rather than just 'to win'. Succeeding - in life or in business - isn't just a case of subjugating everyone else to your will, which seems to be his plan. You really don't have to engage with his little feedbacks, and set of employment relationship conditions - you don't need permission to break up at any point.

to his being terrified of his mother. Think yourself lucky to be escaping that too. A wise friend once said to me that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats/deals with his mother, and his dog...

Don't wait for his birthday - you'll end up spending money on it. If you've got him a present, take it back. I know a lot more is at stake than a few quid for his birthday, but cut your losses now and save the money to treat yourself or someone worth it.

Hi OP, as everybody already said here, Bin Him.

And would you be able to point out few little feedbacks of his, if you don't mind...

just wanted to check out my own past experience as i have been given some suggestions/feedbacks as well.

eg: "Next time if you feel bad and stressed - talk to a wall, don't talk to anybody in real life..."

I didn't have a chance even for a Birthday text/card...

Run. Ignore his birthday - he ignored yours

Good God, run screaming and warn every woman in the entire world to run screaming too. He doesn't want a partner or even a human, he wants a brood mare who will happily and sweetly raise his passel of brats alone while he gallivants around serving himself. You're not a person to him.

Your life will be a neverending prison if you stay with him. Run. Run. Run.

Hope you're bracing yourself for not picking up the 10pm phone call OP!

Or maybe you could get a flat mate to say ''she's gone out"