I just want a very quick yes or no answer

[NCforaRainyTuesday]

Short and sweet:
If you DP said "you have to promise me kids in X number of years now, or it's not going to work"
If DP said " I see you as my support and looking after the kids and home, and me going away exploring"
If he accused you of being "too independent"
If he admitted he tried to "mould your personality into what's best for the relationship"
If you realised you hid things for fear of disappointing him
And you wake up one night seeing yourself in 10 years time, alone with 4 kids, while himself is away, and you know that if you go one step further it will be you signing into this contract because he's never hid that this is what he wants.
Is this a subtle form of emotional control, or am I totally overreacting and need a reality check?
Please help, can't seem to trust my judgement, except the worry in the pit of my stomach.

What does he like, "chattel"?

I've also just realised I'm a bit afraid of him. Oh dear.
Lots and lots of little things coming to mind that have been a bit off but I've ignored or explained. And then it becomes truly my fault.

Get out of there as fast as you can and don't look back.

That is a seriously worrying list you posted, he doesn't want an equal he wants some sort of compliant robot.

There are so many wonderful men in the world who could respect you, inspire you, support you, and love you, treating you like an equal and a partner and a friend and a lover. This man isn't going to do any of that. There's no guilt or shame in ending this particular relationship without delay - he's been open enough to show you that he's not the man who'll make you happy, and, going on his own requirements, you're not the woman who'll make him happy either. So do it for the both of you, and move on AS FAST AS YOUR LEGS CAN CARRY YOU.

GreenPotato he did once use the word "hub" in reference to our relationship.

Don't blame yourself. We can all blame ourselves for choosing the wrong bloke, but it is SUCH a waste of time. Stop blaming and start afresh.

Take the blinkers off and look at him properly, really see what he is, really listen to what he is actually saying not what he wants you to hear.

Don't waste another second, go and keep going until he is a mere speck in the distance.

'mould you'. Run away, for the love of God, run away.

I have an ex-H like that - wish I'd listened to my little voice and not wasted years being run down and 'moulded' into the perfect wife.

Don't wait for his birthday. Do it now, and get away. He will probably contact you constantly to explain to you why you are wrong. Ignore, ignore, ignore. It's not like he's going to agree with you so why listen to him?

I say again, along with everyone else, run away.

This kind of control makes me feel sick just written down - if this was real life I would have been out of the door literally as soon he said it.

This is not subtle in ANY way, shape or form - this is blatant control.

'Me going away and exploring'. Ha.

Not a chance in hell, mate.

Tell this loser where to go OP.

It's ok to leave him just because it's not working for you . No one else has to agree that the reasons are good enough. Let alone him .

Please stop thinking of this in terms of you being unable to be the person he wants. The reality is that no-one with any brain and sense of self-respect can be that woman. The reality is also that he appears unable to be the man that you or indeed any reasonable woman would want.

so hes too busy for your birthday, but he gets annoyed when you dont get him a cake, but you pay for a hotel, present and dinner.....and he expects your dad to pay for any children you have.....good lord ...do as everyone say....RUN.....dont marry him, dont have kids with him.....hes 34 and is acting like an 18 year old.....you will have a miserable lonely life...get away as fast as you can.... and im not a fan of the term LTB ...but do it!

It's blatant, not subtle.
If you don't like it now you will hate it later and only have yourself to blame.

and to be quite honest i would wait until saturday on his birthday and say 'its not me its you, have a good time travelling' then walk away.....no card, prezzie just that!

The irony is, I bet you in ten years' time, he'll be living with a strong, opinionated woman who has him ruled with a rod of iron - and she'll be exactly like his mother.

This really is your chance to go NOW before he gets you in an emotional headlock by proposing. And, yeah, if you break up and he attempts to get you back by going down on bended knee in order to hit your obligation panic button, SAY NO.

Yes, for god's sake don't blame yourself when you dump him.

What does he explore? Is it literal (like jungles and stuff) or is it his inner nature or something like that?

Can I ask you, are you worried about finishing it before his birthday because you think it's a cruel thing to do?

If you are, think back to your 30th. Now that was cruel.

CalonD he is terrified of his mother. He will ring me tonight, at 10pm exactly because he always does. He's quite rigid in routine.
I did feel so happy at one stage, I would have probably married him, but then he started telling me things about myself he didn't like, "little feedbacks" he calls them. And all his plans for his future.
I know I won't marry him now.

Are you Helen Archer by any chance? Too late for her - she has married Rob and is pregnant already. Get out quick before it happens to you and you have to keep him in your life forever.

Run.

Like the fucking wind.

Unless the Duggars is your role model for a marriage.

God. Cross post. LTB just for using "little feedbacks". You are not his fucking staff.

Yes or No? Are you joking???
Run, run, run like the wind! Don't look back. Run! Run now!

gateaux his career path, that's what he wants to explore, going to the US or Australia to improve promotion etc. Being away for weeks at a time. He's ambitious.

What would happen if you didn't answer the phone at 10 pm?