I just want a very quick yes or no answer

[NCforaRainyTuesday]

Short and sweet:
If you DP said "you have to promise me kids in X number of years now, or it's not going to work"
If DP said " I see you as my support and looking after the kids and home, and me going away exploring"
If he accused you of being "too independent"
If he admitted he tried to "mould your personality into what's best for the relationship"
If you realised you hid things for fear of disappointing him
And you wake up one night seeing yourself in 10 years time, alone with 4 kids, while himself is away, and you know that if you go one step further it will be you signing into this contract because he's never hid that this is what he wants.
Is this a subtle form of emotional control, or am I totally overreacting and need a reality check?
Please help, can't seem to trust my judgement, except the worry in the pit of my stomach.

Your gut is 100% correct.

Sounding more and more like my own x now. He used to sit in his spare room reading out famous speeches. He also used to say he wanted to be a company director by xx age.

OP, do you live far from him? If you didn't answer, would he drive over?

He could drive over but I have housemates and he knows they'll be around.

Vincere(-to win): he has this word as his screen saver, and I asked him about it, and he never answered. Have just remembered and googled it, the font and style of the writing comes from a horrible-sounding film about Mussolini's first wife.

No, you are not wrong to go with your gut. Don't answer the phone at 10.00pm tonight, or any other time. Write him a "Dear John" letter and stick it in an early birthday card and go away as soon as you can. Oh, and definitely make an effort to get in touch with the friend you lost because of him.
Good luck, you know you are doing the right thing and though you may feel lonely at first, it is far worse to be lonely within a marriage, as I rather think you would if you were to stay with him.

Omg. Well, I'm glad to read that you'd have flat mates around you if you didn't want to see him.

He sounds a bit like a psychopath. I think my x was a psychopath. People would roll their eyes at that because he hasn't murdered anybody but he always gets what he wants.

at your having to endure the little feedbacks. My x treated me not only like an employee, but like an incompetent employee.

Please leave this pig

If you're scared of him, which might be quite accurate, make sure you aren't alone when you dump him.

In fact I think I'd be doing it by email. It's not true that you owe anyone a face-to-face breakup, but especially not with how he's treated you.

"To win"?
"Little feedbacks"?

Oh dear! No no no no no.

Yes, there is noloneliness on earth like the loneliness of being trapped in a relationship with somebody who treats you like an incompetent employee and robs you of your right to a voice. I have never felt loneliness like it.

Ignore his 10pm call tonight and start him on the road to Dumpsville. Consider it an early Christmas present to your self!

The more you post the worse it gets, OP.

Please, for your own sake, happiness and future well being finish this relationship it will lead to utter misery if you don't.

Run!

How about telling him you want to give him a "little feedback" and relaying some of the views expressed about him on this thread?

I read your opening post and was convinced you were going to say you were that woman with 4 kids and how could you get out? I was sooo relieved you're only 2 years in and not living together. Please dump his ass forthwith.

dump!!

no question at all.

Controlling. Don't walk, run!

Can you print out this message thread and carry it with you in case you weaken?

Seriously; I generally look askance at Internet strangers telling others how to run their lives but this is pretty dire. You are in for an ever-increasing amount of hell if you continue this relationship -- and you are losing out on potential happiness with every day that you waste on him.

Is this a subtle form of emotional control There's nothing subtle about the blatant control he's attempting to exercise over you.

can't seem to trust my judgement, except the worry in the pit of my stomach That worry n your guts is your judgement. Ignore it at your peril.

Fortunately, he has forewarned you of the future he has mapped out for you. So he has had a lucky escape. I mean you could even have failed as that conditioned, house bound, voice less, slave.
Fortunately you have awoken !
Why would you EVER consider marrying someone who scares you sometimes ??? Move on Lovely !
I think a brief email, saying that you wouldn't want to disappoint him, & have decide that life (not) as he envisages it is above & beyond your capabilities !
Tosser

What exactly does he want to explore withou you? I think we all know the answer to that.

Run!

Your choice; I'd run for the hills personally.

Little feedbacks - OMG.

Please get rid of this arsehole.

Every one of your posts reveals him as more controlling than ever. I hope your decision is now firmly made and you are going to LTB.

Tell him you've just realised you don't make cakes up to the standard he has a right to expect. So, to avoid disappointment, you're dumping him before you have to make one for his birthday.

How long have you been together? Is he discussing what he wants from a relationship ie more traditional roles or is he springing it on you?

Either way there's no future in it given that you aren't on board, it just affects how controlling I see him as being I suppose.

I spent 6 years with someone like that. Believe me, if you have that shaft of light, grasp it and run. He will cope. You will absolutely thrive.

Morris My dd is on the brink of dumping her first boyfriend for saying 'ain't' (Among other things).