BF of 2 1/2 years didn't tell me he was taken to hospital.

[Offred]

In an ambulance and kept in for two days until today (3 days later) and only mentioned it because he was already late coming round to see me and he wanted comfort from me.

He asked the hospital to phone his mum, he emailed his work. He thinks I didn't need/shouldn't want to know and is angry I was upset with him.

I realise I do not have any right at all to know about anyone else's medical conditions. I simply feel hurt that when he was thinking through/being asked who should be told he didn't think I should/would want to know as it makes me feel unimportant.

I have spent two sleepless nights (while he was in hospital) fearing I was being given the silent treatment for not being up for sex chat on weds eve and being upset at the weekend.

He says me being upset now is why he doesn't tell me things but I am always upset when he avoids things or lies and tries to manage my feelings. I have never been upset when he has been honest, even about difficult things.

I'm not mental am I? He doesn't really give a shit about me when he isn't getting something he wants from me...

Please don't live in fear of him

If he calls round to your house when you have told him it's over , call the police .

Does he really call the police if you don't answer the door to him ? if so, tell them that's he's your ex and is harassing you .

You are a strong woman and you know you don't have to put up with this shit anymore

When he let himself in after I dumped him I had been very deeply asleep. He was standing over me trying to wake me. I was very disorientated and confused and still half asleep. I remember just repeatedly saying 'what is going on?' And putting my head under the pillow and him saying the crap about anxiety about a misunderstanding and then saying he was getting in bed because he was tired and I just went back to sleep.

When I woke in the morning I read the texts he had sent while I was asleep. They were basically 'you're a bitch I haven't done anything wrong', 'why aren't you replying?' 'Seriously I'm upset', 'I can't sleep', 'I'm sorry', 'I'm coming round because I can't leave it like this'...

Well I wasn't replying because I was asleep, because I have kids and it was 1am when you started texting. You being upset and anxious isn't my problem. WTAF? I am crazy but you are the one who is standing over me while I sleep refusing to be dumped?!

He's never called the police if I don't answer him but I wouldn't put it past him. Sometimes if I don't reply to his texts straight away he will get in a flap and repeatedly ring my mobile. Last time he did that I was putting pictures up in another room and when I finally answered he sounded really relieved. Don't know what that was all about. He'd not long left mine anyway so surely he must have known I was fine.

Well I do know - he needs to be in control. That's why he can ignore me no problem but me not answering him straight away leads to several emails, texts, IMs and phone calls.

Yup, again. I'll be bombarded by calls, texts, landline calls. And he left months ago. Then he'll be indignant that I didn't answer.

He'll even call the (adult) children if necessary. Now I'll answer if and when I feel like it. He hates that.

But it's all about control

Offred my dear , you know the answer. Block , block block .

If you go on answering him all the time to stop his unreasonable behaviour , you might think you are controlling him but he is in fact controlling you .

I'm sorry you are in this situation , it's not fair and you don't deserve it .

I have been answering only when I feel like it for a while. It just highlights his ridiculousness tbh. That when he feels like it he can ignore me but if I'm busy and don't answer straight away he cannot cope.

You know you need to leave him. What's stopping you?

Offred I can't believe it's you posting about this shit

You rock. You absolutely rock. Stay strong and don't let this pathetic excuse for a human being take up any more head space.

Been at work. Pretty exhausted now! Long day on not much sleep. In bed now!

I rock? Ha ha! Yes, yes I think I do.

All workmates are agog... No-one likes him tbh... Gone up a level in work today (only voluntary work but still makes me feel good!)

Think your workmates reaction echoes what people who read your advice to other posters on here think so basically everyone thinks you rock Which just reinforces the fact that you're doing the right thing by getting rid of a man who simply isn't worthy of you. Good things are already starting to happen for you and you've only just decided to get rid of him, imagine what could happen once he's out of your life completely!

Congratulations! !!

You're all making me into an arrogant little shit!! Ha ha ha!

Got an assignment due next week. Not even going to think about him until I have that out of the way tbh.

Was reading through and checking my paperwork for advancing to next level today. My self assessment is embarrassing! Rating myself in different areas my responses are 'excellent in this area' 'not seen much of this but capable' 'very good at this' ha ha ha! but it reminded me of the importance of thinking well of myself!

Oh Offred. This thread is quite shocking, coming from you, but it's actually a really useful reminder that even the wisest, most level-headed people can find themselves stuck in shit relationships and situations. As a PP said: "it is often through suffering that one gains the wisdom to advise."

I'm glad the switch has flipped and you're finally feeling angry after so much shit!

I don't think you need advice, really, because we know that you know what to do. But have you done the Freedom Programme?

I did the freedom programme around 10 years ago and have been back and forth to women's aid over the years. Was seeing them earlier this year and stopped as felt better and had him out of my life. He came back shortly after I stopped and I let him back in! Doh!

I'm grateful for advice and company and ego massaging! Supremely tired today and it's hard to remind myself to be kind to myself as a result!

One of the stupidest things was I went to GP and asked for cbt for my 'paranoid anxiety' about his behaviour with OW a couple of years back! How completely I believed he was right and I was mental!

Don't know what they were thinking indulging it and telling me to face the situation more often so I could learn it was in my head!!!

Hmmm, maybe there is a deep-seated issue you haven't quite got to the bottom of yet? It must be something very primal to override all things you know about not getting back together with him (or getting with anyone like him).

It is my childhood and my continuing NC/contact cycle with my twattish parents who think I am bad and wrong.

My dad is angry and immature. My mum is irresponsible and a massive gaslighter. She can be, and is very cruel sometimes.

I have grown up believing I am fundamentally flawed. I don't remember a time I was happy and felt I was not horrible even when I was a young child.

Never managed to shift it with therapy and no-one is really willing to help as I cope/generally succeed in life.

I have always wanted them to love me. When I encounter someone with their traits I want to please them too.

Intellectually I know I am lovely, kind, talented etc.

Emotionally I feel flawed and in some situations, normally where someone is treating me badly, I find I lose control of my reactions and am not really able to think rationally.

It is very easy to get me to do anything for you if you convincingly tell me I am bad/have wronged you.