I have someone down as "cock" in my phone. Makes me laugh every time he texts me!
I;m also good at giving friends advice, and care a lot about people - which is obviously the case with you too offred. You've got compassion, wisdom and you're interested in working things out and undertanding them.
Sometimes those characteristics mean we can apply them to the wrong people. Always try and look for the good. Always try and consider what you might have done to contribute.
I am not sure if it's a good or a bad thing as the years go by. When I was younger I think it was a good thing, I was lucky and encountered good people who returned my efforts. When you combine it with a bad person it becomes a curse.
I've been through a few short relationships lately where I could not see the wood for the trees. Friends telling me it didn't sound quite right, but the man was giving just enough to leave me hopeful that my doubts were misplaced.
I have a thread right now where I am trying to make ammends to a man I feel is lovely, who I have behaved badly towards but today was spent in a lot of thought and I can see when I step very, very far out of it that I am trying to see the best. That yes, I have behaved badly, but sadly he did trigger that. Mr unavailable and the fallout girl all over again. He provides 50% evidence he really likes me and is invested and 50% of the time he causes doubts of that.
Deep down I know life should not be like that, deep down I know that while I have behaved badly he has led to it, but I want to believe. Want it to be right. Want to figure through it and somewhere in it even good, smart, capable women lose themselves in a messed up situation that bring them more pain than happiness.
What's the diferrence between women who do this and women who don't? I have no idea offred, but I do know that I wasn't always like that. Were you? For me, I think a chain of events came to pass that caused me to expect less, to value me less, to allow others to do so. Inside I would be ragingly angry at time but then I would accept and apology and go right back to it.
I'm sad I have let me become worth so little to myself, sad that you have, but inspired by the braveyr you have to make this thread and also not to NC so we would know that even the women on here that we admire and respect can also put themselves in situations like this and struggle to do what's best.
Sometimes it is just a build up and a final snap. I truly hope you have reached yours. I truly hope that for you and hope that in a years time I see posts from you about how you got rid of this loser and met someone who is nothing like that. Someone who makes you feel good all the time.
We all deserve that, don't we?
I understand how you feel about blocking. I have never been a blocker myself. I understand it serves a purpose, but the decison to move on comes from inside you and the act of blocking is no real help in getting there. You have to truly believe inside there is something better for you.