BF of 2 1/2 years didn't tell me he was taken to hospital.

[Offred]

In an ambulance and kept in for two days until today (3 days later) and only mentioned it because he was already late coming round to see me and he wanted comfort from me.

He asked the hospital to phone his mum, he emailed his work. He thinks I didn't need/shouldn't want to know and is angry I was upset with him.

I realise I do not have any right at all to know about anyone else's medical conditions. I simply feel hurt that when he was thinking through/being asked who should be told he didn't think I should/would want to know as it makes me feel unimportant.

I have spent two sleepless nights (while he was in hospital) fearing I was being given the silent treatment for not being up for sex chat on weds eve and being upset at the weekend.

He says me being upset now is why he doesn't tell me things but I am always upset when he avoids things or lies and tries to manage my feelings. I have never been upset when he has been honest, even about difficult things.

I'm not mental am I? He doesn't really give a shit about me when he isn't getting something he wants from me...

I don't think I'm even gonna give him the satisfaction of telling him to get stuffed. I am just gonna be nonchalantly 'busy' anytime he wants to see me... Cry me a fucking river... He gets off on me being upset I'm sure - feeds his ego. Man, I've not been this angry in years and years...

I don't think he even deserves a break up tbh... Nor will I benefit from one. He will try to manipulate me into feeling a cunt over a break up...

Ghosting is what he needs.

EA ended because he felt used by her!! Ha ha! Couldn't make it up...

I told him I bloody well would have used you too if you were chasing me around and I had to fend you off constantly while we were working together. How was she meant to deal with his ridiculous obsession if not by turning it against him?! Ugh... He's such a knobend... He really is... I've been being his mother... I have four kids already.

Offred, you are a recognised, loved poster, how the fuck have you let this happen to you?

Bin him off. Permanently.

Weakness tbh! He has been binned off in my mind already, it's all that matters really...

I no longer care enough to even break up with him.

It's like the switch has been flicked by the hospital drama and seeing it written down when I have posted on here.

I feel quite crazy just now but in a comfortable happy way, a bit drunk on the freedom of no longer being weighed down by him or his ridiculous expectations of or judgements about me...

I actually just don't care... There is no part of my heart that has feelings for him anymore, he may as well be a stranger in the street for all the loyalty I feel towards him right now!

I'm a little embarrassed and conscious of the numerous posts where I am essentially talking to myself but I have not been able to feel anger properly for decades and I'm really pretty excited that right now it has come back in floods...

And thanks for the compliment, some love me more than others shall we say

Oops, ham fingers

Read your thread. Pretend somebody else wrote it.
What would you advise them?

LTB LTB LTB...?

Oh yeah, LTB, LTB, LTB and then rip off his head an shit down his neck for sure.

Up until now I have felt terribly hurt and awfully powerless because I have been afraid of his ability to utterly destroy me emotionally.

That is no longer the case.

Good for you!
LTB!

I've NC since you helped me, but you have given me such clever and wise advice I'm sorry that your own relationship has been a bad one, but from all the times I have read you post to me and mostly to other people I;d like to say that I have the utmost faith in your ability to get shot of this guy and you will have the perfect set of knowledge and skills to figure out how to pick a winner next time.

Sometimes we choose to suffer with a bad partner for reasons that are within ourselves. I hope you're ready now to move onto something that you deserve

xxx

It's so strange this. Just literally a switch flicked and that's it. Now I just need to work out how to flick the switch myself with these idiots rather than waiting for it to go.

I don't care about the money, he can keep it.

I don't care about the stuff of mine he has, he can keep it.

I don't care if he turns up here uninvited, I will not hide from him, I'll just ignore him.

Because I don't care about him anymore.

I saw your thread title in active and thought it was a bit off of him when I thought BF meant best friend, so seeing as it's actually your boyfriend and he's a total wanker going on what you've written, you can times 'a bit off' by at least a thousand!

What is it that keeps you going back to such a sponging nob end? I think you have to accept that there will be a point where you might consider going back to him (because it's what you've done so many times before) and put things in place to make sure you don't.

Like keeping this thread and what you've said about him at the top of your bookmarks so you can keep reading it whenever you get tempted to give him another chance, or giving a close friend or relative permission to give you a virtual slap tell you straight if you look like you're wavering.

You are not a cunt if you break up with him and any boo hooing from him is just blatant manipulation.

Thank jack. It's much easier to give advice than to live it. Particularly when you are surrounded by toxic people! I hope things are better for you. I am now determined to make them better for me. He's not the first loser I've picked tbh. Knowing how to get out is different to being able to implement the knowledge you have! My next lesson is implementing the knowledge before the anger switch flicks! We're all works in progress!

He is an absolute dickwad. Have nothing further to do with him. And have some and

Of course it's easier to give advice than to live it, but the fact that you (a) give such good advice and (b) take the time for no reaosn other than to help others says quite a lot.

At down times in our lives, even good, powerful, strong women can pick losers. You do everything in life when you are ready and not a minute before. I stayed with the most awful loser who treated me like crap when I was in my early twenties - but it was part of my journey and I had my reasons.

When I found my cojones, I walked out that door I never fucking looked back. It felt so good, but I couldn't do it until I was ready. I think once you have had the lightbulb moment, you know it, and there is no way back.

One of the things agent is he alienated all my friends (I know I know, should have spotted it). You are right I am writing it here just in case I wake up tomorrow and care.

This feeling of not caring about him has not happened before though. I hope it sticks. The thread is some amount of protection though.

The last couple of days he wasn't speaking to me; instead of obsessing over Internet stalking him to find out what he was doing, I read about narcissists, detaching from them and also wrote pages and pages of experiences I've had with him.

Then he texted about the hospital and I have lost my patience with him.

I expect it will last now, as in relationships in the past I have not gone back once I've mentally checked out, but this thread is insurance, yes.

Jack that's lovely for me to hear. I do feel like I have snapped now and no going back

Take a deep breath and tell yourself you're ready!

Try to keep one of the (many varied) things he's done to you within easy reach so you can use it to overrule yourself if you do start seeing things through rose tinted specs.

It's usually quite easy to spot the patterns when it's someone else's relationship, but when things are happening 'normally' in your own life it's so easy to not see the wood for the trees.

(I didn't post any threads when it was happening to me, I just had a virtual MN convo going on in my head keeping me on the right track If I can say this without sounding arrogant, but I knew the collective MN hive mind would say I was doing the right thing so there was no point in writing a thread DH could read posting)

Don't worry about the monologue, Offred. No-one thinks you're weird for it!

KOKO.

Re reading this morning! Still bloody angry!

Good for you.

Stay angry and strong and get on with your life without that dead weight hanging from you.

Well done. Keep posting, list it all as it comes back to you. You're not being self indulgent, this is a sanity check for you.

I've ended up back for two reasons if I'm honest - 1. He is very good at simultaneously making me feel bad about myself and sorry for him and 2. He has explosive rage/does unpredictable things which make me feel unsafe which I have been intimidated by.

Those will likely be routes back which he will try. He'll be sad I have abandoned him and angry about what a terrible person I am for doing that to him.

My dad has explosive rage. I have issues with anger. Stupidly he knows all about them. I've wanted to be able to end this for 2 years tbh, just always been sucked back, usually when I've been very very sad for weeks and just started doing better he will turn up saying sorry...