This is creepy, right?

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

[Waltermittythesequel]

Am I missing something obvious here? How does he have your address?!

[Muddlewitch]

If you live in an area where most people know each other perhaps he just asked around/mentioned you to someone who knows you such as a neighbour and they told him you were single etc and encouraged
him to go for it.

I think how he behaves from this point on would determine how I felt about it all if it were me.

How do you feel about it op?

[amarmai]

who the hell does this?
Report to the police as this is scarey. He intrudes at your home and brings up your dd . Who knows what his next assumption will lead to-as you took the roses thrust into your hand , he will continue his mad mental scenario and do something else. Plus the phone calls- likely him too.
What if he approaches your dd?

[Holstein]

Definitely report on non-emergency number. You know his (first?) name and place of work. Getting it logged would be sensible.

[lorelei9]

beyond creepy

btw I don't answer the door to anyone I don't know -they can shout through whatever they need me to know, then I'll make a judgement.

how did you leave it - what did you say?

[MotherOfFlagons]

I think how he behaves from this point on would determine how I felt about it all if it were me.

This. I definitely wouldn't report him to the police (really?) but I think I'd be a bit cautious and see what happens. If everyone knows each other where the OP lives, it's hardly a mystery how he found her address - it used to be the same where I grew up, everyone knew everyone else.

In all honesty, I don't particularly think what he's done so far is threatening. Maybe a bit socially inept.

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

How I feel about it is weird. I feel weirded out.

But I'm also cursing my social conditioning. Why couldn't I have just told him he was being a creep and refused the flowers? Instead I thanked him, said they were lovely and took them. In fact they are completely over the top and taking up half my kitchen table. There was also a small card explaining the "meaning" of pink roses - with "Please believe me!" written at the bottom which makes no sense at all.

I did respond to his claim that we had had lots of eye contact with, "Er... have we??" though. I also told him I didn't know him. I think it was obvious I was very non-plussed and a little freaked out because he did say, "If I have misread this..."

What "this?" I don't know the bloody man! We've never met! I just bought something from him once, and that was ages ago.

[suffolkpunch85]

Probably going to get barracked for this but did he look like a weirdo?!

[LeaveMyWingsBehindMe]

three months is a really long time to wait if he'd been thinking about your 'eye contact' all this time.

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

No Suffolk, on the face of things he actually looked quite normal

[carabos]

As you know where he works, take the flowers back to him and tell him it's a non-starter. No need to explain or apologise.

[Ripeningapples]

Um. About 27 years ago I met a gorgeous bloke at a ball. We had a chat I told myself to get over myself. About three months later a bloke phoned me at work (had remembered where I worked and looked up the number - years before social media, etc) and asked me out for dinner. He was that gorgeous bloke from the ball.

We had a date - I fell in love and walked on air. We have been married for 25 years. He was never a weirdo.

I'm not sure what all the suspicion is about - it sounds rather sweet and romantic to me.

[Fintan]

Very odd.

[BusShelter]

Did he leave a number? If so I'd text a very very clear message to him.

Just to confirm that I'm definitely not interested in seeing you again and I request that you don't contact me again. I would have told you when you called but I was confused when you called as I couldn't remember where I had met you. I happen to be visiting the local old people home so will pass on the flowers to them so they are not wasted

[suffolkpunch85]

Google him!

[BusShelter]

BTW - as you know you were a bit daft not to have told him to bog off at the time. I've found that if I'm in an odd or arkward situation it helps if I slow down and really, really think about what I want to do or say. I think I might look a bit slow but it means I don't end up saying or doing things I don't want to. I find it works well when people ask favours of me.

[BerylStreep]

Yes, weird & creepy.

But I can do better. A guy turned up at my workplace about 6 months ago who I had spoken to on the phone a few times in a professional capacity 18 years ago. I have moved workplace in the interim, but he had tracked me down. He told me he always thought I had a lovely voice and had always wanted to meet me.

[amarmai]

a bunch of roses that size would cost how much? And this is his opening move? What wd a follow up be ? Take them to the police station.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Mmmm. Hollywood films have a lot to answer for. Downright stalkerish behaviour seems to be endorsed - gives people ideas, I think. Remember St Elmos Fire - where Emilio Estevez follows Andie McDowell & boyfriend to the log cabin? Bloody weird, but seen as somehow heroic & brave

But yes to a clear message of thanks, but no thanks.

[eddielizzard]

i dunno.

phoning the police is ott imo.

could be that he sees you around a lot if he lives close by and he fancies you so he notices you. but he isn't on your radar so you don't notice him.

i wouldn't automatically rule him out. he was probably building up courage to do this for ages and just hasn't handled it suavely like he thought he'd be able to in his head.

if you think he's vaguely nice, have a coffee with him. otoh he could be a total nutter.

[SplatterMustard]

Creepy, very creepy.

[Cel982]

Eh. He met you, fancied you and called to your door to ask you out. Bringing flowers. He didn't insult you, harass you or refuse to take no for an answer.

Sure, he could be a creepy stalker. But it's much more likely he's not. Please don't feel you need to respond to him rudely when he hasn't actually done anything wrong.

[UnderTheGreenwoodTree]

Police is definitely OTT! Honestly, this place sometimes!

[lorelei9]

OP, I think a lot of the time we're too shocked when this kind of shit happens.

thing is, if he has seen you around it would have been much easier to come up and say hello...if you had forgotten him he could have explained himself.

I guess I just think that someone who doesn't realise how creepy and intimidating this is has a bit missing anyway....

what did you say when he said "If I have misread this.." My first thought would be "misread what, I don't know you from chewing gum accidentally trodden in and stuck to my shoe"!! how was it left? Does he have any other way to contact you? You don't want him turning up again. And the flowers and meaning thing....good grief.

[Fairiesarereal]

I don't understand -why did it take him 3 months?