This is creepy, right?

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

I think the rat will be either left by a cat or a poisoned one that crawled there before it died.

If I remember correctly you haven't officially said no to him yet, so he wouldn't be upset and at the leaving gross stuff just yet, even if he was a creepy stalker man.

Tell me I'm being stupid

No. I don't think you're being stupid. Your feelings are valid and it's sad to see people minimizing them. As a victim of stalking myself (more than once) i can't emphasise enough to listen to and trust your gut feelings, instinct and intuition. Some things may well just be coincidences, and your senses being on high alert/unsettled already could possibly make you read more into them than there is.....however some things are NOT coincidences and only time/experience will bring that to light.

"I would definitely get this recorded, even if there may be nothing in it."

I second this. You may feel that recording it with the police is not necessary right now, however there is no reason why you can't keep your own personal log of what's been happening since the phone call and how you have been affected emotionally and mentally. If there are anymore 'coincidences' you will begin to see a pattern.
It isn't unheard of for stalkers to first 'lovebomb' their victims, and to then engineer situations that make their victim feel vulnerable/scared. They do this because they feel their victim will turn to them for support/help and they can then swoop in to your 'rescue'.

We are strangers on the internet who are responding from our own perceptions and experiences - but the only person you can trust is YOURSELF. Stay alert and stay safe.

pocketsaviour i agree with you. To me, because of the 3 month time delay, the mention of eye contact/connection and the 'please believe me' card, screams infatuation. And infatuation is never rational/logical.

I'm also wondering given the fact that he got OP's address from somewhere other than herself - why didn't he even tell her/give an excuse of HOW he got her address or knew she had a dc? Somebody thinking rationally would have addressed that. Either he is incredibly dense/self centred and lacking in empathy/awareness to not realise that a virtual stranger - which is what he is - turning up on your doorstep like this would alarm the other person, OR he is too wrapped up in his delusion and fantasy.

Thank you everyone, for all the support and responses. I appreciate them.

Have just had a long phone call with a close friend - turns out she wasn't feeling so great either. So we spilled our guts and had a good laugh and I've come away feeling a bit better than before.

Feeling on edge in your own home sucks. I'm pissed off that he didn't think long enough to realise that could be a possible result of his actions. Obviously wasn't thinking much at all beyond the outcome he wanted.

Fish, that's another reason I'm stunned by the posters who think it's romantic. It only takes a few brain cells to realise how scary this would be for the person on the receiving end.

It's very weird and odd, YANBU. If he knew your name then he could almost certainly get your home address through either the phone book or the edited (publicly available) electoral roll. Maybe consider opting out of both?

oops just realized this wasn't an AIBU question so saying YANBU doesn't make sense, but the general point I'm making is still valid.

fishfingersinmysandwiches Just a point. Have you asked or do you know anyone who knows this man at all, if as you say its a rather rural area then it seems most people know each other perhaps someone can give some info or indication to is he either an OK bloke with grand ideas or a wannabe nutter?.

I have asked around a little, yes. Nobody has anything very terrible to say about him except that he had/has a very ill wife, but has recently separated.

Fish Had as in she might have died?

I think your post last night sounds good: glad you were able to share with a friend, yes it sucks to feel unsafe in your own home, and no he clearly wasn't thinking of the stalkerish implications of his gesture. Which means he's a guy to avoid because he doesn't have an awareness of boundaries, even if he isn't a bunny boiler. Respect for boundaries is a pretty important feature in human relationships.

I think that you should take some action with him - as he is left with you are thinking about it. Put this one to bed by calling on him to say - thanks but no thanks - you can't sit waiting for the next random thing to happen. At best he is socially inept and if so will probably chase you for an answer - so pre empt that - get in first and make it clear to him. Be brave.

No Blossom not that she's died but that they have apparently separated. Some people seem to think that they have - others have said, "But isn't he the one with the ill wife?"

So god knows.

I agree with mulranna if you are really worried I would have already tackled this but that is me.

Maybe she has mysteriously disappeared, after being slowly poisoned by him...
You need miss Marple.

Also I told my next door neighbour about it today (we're friends anyway) and she said to give her a knock straight away if I was worried about anything.

Hopefully that's an end to it all now.

Maybe it is the right thing to do to go and see him and set him straight.

But for some reason I just don't want to. I'd rather it all just went away quietly. I don't want to have to have a conversation with him.

You really don't have to.

You don't have to go anywhere near him. You're under no obligation to him.

Hopefully it will all fizzle out, and you definitely don't have to do anything you don't want to. But if he does appear again, tell him firmly that you do not want any kind of contact with him and that he must leave you alone. Only if that doesn't work would you need to involve the police (and it's fine to do that, they will take it seriously).

Oh god, I hope he isn't one of those creeps whose wife is ill so he feels justified getting his jollies from a single woman who in his head he has built up as interested in him.

i'd not go near him , nor open the door to him again. How about a notice stuck on the outside of the door.
to the bringer of flowers
the answer is NO

Another one who thinks he has been cack handed but had good intentions.

If you don't want to date him, could you post a short, polite note to his work, thanking him for flowers but making it clear your not looking to date atm fib and say you're dating someone else?

Oh God, I wouldn't go anywhere near him.
Just avoid and ignore.

So don't have a conversation with him. The fact that he's married makes even crazier.