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Original poster

This is creepy, right?

326 replies

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 07/11/2015 19:34

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 08/11/2015 22:14

I tend to call groups of women "women" or "people".

SoleBizzzz · 08/11/2015 22:26

The eye contact comments would freak me out! I feel he imagined that or totally made it up as a reason to be at your door. To excuse his weird behaviour!

As a lone parent living with a severely disabled child and no other family for support.

I would report him to the Police.

SwedishEdith · 08/11/2015 22:35

I'd find the eye contact comment creepy. Like a kind of De Clerembault's syndrome

You're lucky you just got flowers; he might have serenaded you with

Justaboy · 08/11/2015 22:37

Gabilan Still dosen't seem right. People would make one sound like Abraham Lincoln addressing the folks at Gettysberg ?.

Lweji · 08/11/2015 22:40

Justaboy

We have men and women here, so we tend to talk about other pps, or people. Easy.

Lweji · 08/11/2015 22:45

Suggestion:

"Question for the girls everyone here?". Suppose that's wrong, girls, and will offend someone here then lets say the female contingent?.

So,
"A question for everyone":

See? So simple, so much better.

Justaboy · 08/11/2015 22:50

Lweji I'm enlightened by the Hon member of the MN house, thanks:-)

Nuff said re that, now perhaps back to the original thread?

UnGoogleable · 08/11/2015 22:51

Some serious derailment of OPs thread going on here.

sunsetinthesnow · 08/11/2015 23:29

Can I ask one last question, why can he not facebook/instagram/linkedin, you name it her or have I missed something here? I thought that was the normal route now (according to my teenage children).

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/11/2015 23:35

I don't find it creepy at all.

PowerPantsRule · 08/11/2015 23:43

I agree Exasperated - I think it's a bit like the old Impulse adverts. No one said they were creepy.

Im0gen · 08/11/2015 23:47

How can you be sure it's not connected to the weird phone calls ?

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/11/2015 23:48

He seen you and fancied you. You live in a small town where he could find out your address and wanted to ask you on a date. How else was he meant to contact you? Sending a letter, you'd think he was weird. How would he get your mobile number and that would seem weird too. He only had the option of coming to the door and so thought he'd take some flowers. I don't get how that's creepy? People go on dates with people they met online who are totally strangers but this guys seen someone in rl he has liked and tried to find a way of getting in touch and succeeded and done it the old fashioned way face to face and is branded creepy? That's quite sad.

mimishimmi · 08/11/2015 23:51

Extremely creepy to the point I'd be contacting police just so they have it on record..

ExasperatedAlmostAlways · 08/11/2015 23:52

This reply has been deleted

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DadOnIce · 08/11/2015 23:53

If George Clooney or Brad Pitt or [insert name of celeb you most find hot here] turned up at the door and did the same thing, would it still be unsettling or would you be "swept off your feet" in Hollywood romantic cliche manner? I'm wondering if the extent to which people find it "creepy" depends on the fitness or fanciability of the chap involved.

UnderTheGreenwoodTree · 09/11/2015 00:04

She's already said he was good looking, though, DadOnIce - so no, I don't think that's it - and that accusation is all too often thrown at women: Eg.

Man: "Nice tits love"

Woman :

Man: "Oh, you wouldn't mind if I was George Clooney though, would you?"

Hmm
ProjectPerfect · 09/11/2015 00:10

Aside from anything else I am totally bewildered by the obsession on MN with people not visiting your home/knocking on your door/popping round unannounced.

mimishimmi · 09/11/2015 00:19

My friend got stalked by a uni housemate of mine . He was an overseas student who seemed the most sensible choice and least weird of the 15 or so people we interviewed). It started out with stuff like this and ended when he pulled a knife on her after months of harrassment of myself and her and several house moves. He was deported and my friend flunked and my honours year went kaput . I think the OP should be taking it very seriously. It's not the flowers - it's the turning up on her doorstep, the comments about 'eye contact' and the flower for her DD would have me concerned too (although not as much as previous two reasons).

SolidGoldBrass · 09/11/2015 00:37

While he probably (by the sound of it) doesn't actually mean OP any harm, she's still under no obligation to be 'nice' to him. It's perfectly all right to refuse any kind of interaction with someone you don't want to have anything to do with. Women do not 'owe' men any a single second of their time or attention and do not have to be 'grateful' that A Man has decided they are attractive.

This man could be said to have interpreted 'eye contact' (ie she didn't gaze at the floor or apologise for existing) as 'You want my big dick don't you?'. OP didn't give him a second thought. Why should she? And then all of a sudden there he is, demanding attention. She doesn't owe him attention. If he persists in trying to interact with her then it's a police matter, The police won't take one uninvited bunch of flowers as a threat, but they will intervene if a man repeatedly tries to present bunches of flowers to a woman who has told him to go away. It doesn't matter that it's 'only' flowers - unwanted attention which is repeated is harassment no matter how nice or harmless the gifts are.

PreemptiveSalvageEngineer · 09/11/2015 00:41

DadonIce I cant link because I'm on my phone and it's too late at night, but google "Hollaback" and have a look at their "Myths" FAQs page. before you come on here spouting any more shite

Original poster
fishfingersinmysandwiches · 09/11/2015 07:24

Yeah DadonIce that's not fair. I've already said that he's actually quite good looking.

And if, for example, we had met again at his place of work or bumped into eachother at the local coffee shop and got chatting, and he had come over as cheerful, interesting, and amusing, and had asked casually if I fancied a coffee some time, it's not inconceivable that I might have said yes.

But not like this. My reaction to the doorbell ringing last night has cemented things for me. I'm not comfortable. There will be no coffee and no further interaction at all if I can help it.

There's something else as well. His assumption that this is the sort of thing women like - that OTT bouquets and simpering cards are the way to make an impression on the laydeeez. I get an "old fashioned" (read sexist) vibe from that. In actual fact sex is far more important to me than "romance" in relationships.

OP posts:
goodnightdarthvader1 · 09/11/2015 07:31

There are some weirdos on here who are clearly totally comfortable with complete strangers finding out their address and turning up on their front door to tell them their eyes met once and they've spent the last 3 months dreaming about it.

Yeah, sure, ok.

Also, DadOnIce, most women are aware that being handsome doesn't preclude you from being a psychopath. Did you miss that memo or do you just always buy into Hollywood bullshit?

MrsUnderwood · 09/11/2015 08:01

I can't believe some of the belittling comments here. The OP has said that this made her feel uncomfortable, and several posters with actual experience of being stalked have come on to say this is how it can start.

  1. he found out where she lived and turned up uninvited.
  2. She is a single woman with children = vulnerable
  3. OTT romantic gesture
  4. Built up some kind of "connection" in his head when the OP barely remembered him.

Trust your instinct, OP. Remember that you are under no obligation to be nice to him and that you didn't ask for his attention.

Gabilan · 09/11/2015 08:32

"He seen you and fancied you. You live in a small town where he could find out your address and wanted to ask you on a date. How else was he meant to contact you?"

Why does he have to contact her just because he fancies her?

"Sending a letter, you'd think he was weird. How would he get your mobile number and that would seem weird too. He only had the option of coming to the door and so thought he'd take some flowers."

No, he had the option not to contact her at all.

" I don't get how that's creepy?"

The OP finds it creepy. She's worried in her own home, all because he felt his need to get in touch trumped her privacy.

"People go on dates with people they met online who are totally strangers but this guys seen someone in rl he has liked and tried to find a way of getting in touch and succeeded and done it the old fashioned way face to face and is branded creepy? "

If you're on an OLD site you are there to go on dates. You very specifically organise to meet away from your home. Dating safety 101 is NOT to give people your address and to meet up in public. This man has therefore violated that very basic rule.

Whilst the majority of men turning up on your doorstep may mean you no harm, a minority do and when working out which is which. If you're OLD you're there to date. If you pop into your local shop you don't expect the people serving you to turn up on your doorstep on the grounds that you exchanged eye contact.