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Original poster

This is creepy, right?

326 replies

fishfingersinmysandwiches · 07/11/2015 19:34

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

OP posts:
Pedestriana · 10/11/2015 12:53

Coming to this late.

I see some MH issues have been mentioned. I have a (male) friend with MH issues, and I'm going to ask him about this. It is a bit like something he would do but he wouldn't turn up on your doorstep. He'd have spoken to you in the street, or have asked you for tea/coffee and then given you the flowers. He is generous, and likes to give gifts to people, and doesn't always think through the possible vibes those actions could give off.

The point is though, his actions, whatever their intent, have unsettled you. He may have been trying to be romantic, laid back, charming. Unfortunately he has made himself look creepy by 'tracking you down'. This has made you jumpy, as you say.

I think your decision to leave things is wise. If you're still feeling unsettled it could be worth a call to the non-emergency line to ask for advice. If he never bothers you again, then all is well and good. If he does, then there is a log of the issue with the authorities.

Blossomflowers · 10/11/2015 13:00

There are a lot of assumptions being made and I personally think this has all been blown out of proportion. No wonder the police are unable to respond to real crimes if people are wasting their time with crap like this. Rose man has not stalked OP or threatened her he simply gave her a bunch of bloody flowers. FFS

Gabilan · 10/11/2015 13:46

Blossom this thread seems to have run the gamut from "oh go for coffee with him" to "call the police". I think many people have stuck more to the middle ground of "it is unsettling, it might be something, it might be nothing". Even of the people urging the OP to call the police, as far as I can see the majority have been saying to do so to ask for advice and to log this as an incident - it's what 101 is for, and it's not going to be staffed by members of CID taking time out from catching murderers.

Stalking isn't about one incident. Of its nature, it tends to be far more sustained. So to prove that someone is stalking, you need to build up an evidence base of things which though they may seem minor in isolation, add up to a bigger picture. So those people saying "call the non-emergency number" aren't doing it because they think the OP is at immediate risk. They're doing it because they know that stalking starts with small incidents and that to get someone to act against a stalker, you need proof.

Fingers crossed OP that he's someone socially inept and that this is an end to it. But just in case, at least make a note of what happened, including the date.

Im0gen · 10/11/2015 14:31

What I find rather disturbing is certain posters urging to the OP to ignore her own feeling of discomfort . Because the important thing here isn't her feelings , it's the man's . Because he has spent money on some flowers ( or perhaps just taken them from work if he's a florist) , she OWES him something, she MUST think well of him.

It's like the men that harass women in the street, then act all offended when they are called on it because " it was just a compliment " . Hmm

Blossomflowers · 10/11/2015 14:49

imogen umm I don't think she owes him a damm thing, he brought flowers she was a bit surprised and felt a bit uncomfortable. If she chooses to do anything about it that is up to her. Don't anyone is suggesting he is entitled, she could quite easily return them, with a note saying thanks but no thanks, or she could just enjoy some free flowers.

SolidGoldBrass · 10/11/2015 14:58

Another vote for the rat being an unfortunate co-incidence - I have had one or two show up dead in my garden over the years. As PP have said, if they have been poisoned they can take a while to die.

But whoever said, send him a note (to his workplace) saying 'No thank you, don't contact me again' is right.

Also, all the PPs who are on the ';yes its creepy' side are right: he could have sent you a message on Facebook or asked a mutual friend for your number, or attempted contact in a variety of ways that you could have ignored or refused. He was determined to actually inflict his presence on you and demand attention. That's the sign of an entitled, selfish man if not an actual predator.

Waltermittythesequel · 10/11/2015 15:28

He was determined to actually inflict his presence on you and demand attention.

This basically sums up the problem!

springydaffs · 10/11/2015 16:19

Y'all saying it's OTT to contact the police. I would contact the police to get on record 1. The phone call 2. The arrival on my doorstep with flowers and unwanted attention 3. The rat.

  1. May not be related, horrible coincidence, but I do think 1. and 2. are. There may be nothing in this but, then again, there may be. Stalkers start with the 'we have a connection', which is what he started with (to your astonishment). You are already frightened to answer your door, you already feel invaded, unsettled, boundaries violated.

I would definitely get this recorded, even if there may be nothing in it.

lorelei9 · 10/11/2015 16:28

is it just me - I wouldn't send a note to his work at all. I would just not engage. If it is not obvious to him and he turns up again, I realise that would be unpleasant, but if fish sends a note of any kind, I would worry that he would reply to it, even just asking "why not".

So my first tactic would be "don't engage".

If he turns up again, I would probably shout at him out of an upper window that he's not been invited and to go away.

DrMorbius · 10/11/2015 16:38

Y'all saying it's OTT to contact the police. I would contact the police to get on record 1. The phone call 2. The arrival on my doorstep with flowers and unwanted attention 3. The rat

There is no evidence that the phone call and the rat are related. What happens if Op sees a light in the sky, should she report that?

Blossomflowers · 10/11/2015 16:55

"Dear Mr Police I want to report a crime", "yes Madam what seems to be the trouble" Well a man knocked on my door and gave me a lovely bunch of roses" Err and. Well also I found a dead Rat on my doorstep so it must be connected. Really?

goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/11/2015 17:02

I agree don't engage. If he has any social awareness at all, he will take that to mean she's not interested. If he persists, then you know you're dealing with a stalker-type.

Gabilan · 10/11/2015 17:59

Lorelei, darthvader I thought the general advice with stalkers was not to engage as they can misread any contact. (She looked at me, it must mean she loves me!)

I suppose it depends if you think he's just misguided rather than anything worse so will back off when told. Also, if the OP records it, it gives her an evidence trail that she has told him she's not interested.

OP, hope you're OK. I really do think that rat was just a coincidence! Ockham's Razor - in explaining a thing no more assumptions should be made than are necessary. I don't think he's going to go from roses to rodents in the space of 3 days.

amarmai · 10/11/2015 18:04

op when the next weird -but DEF NOT connected -'coincidence 'happens ,every poster but one will have caved and tell you to GO TO THE POLICE. Btw rats hide to die and cats don't usually attack animals as big as them selves and when they do kill something little they bring it home to their owner. Hands up how many of us have found a dead rat on our doorstep !Thought so.

lorelei9 · 10/11/2015 18:04

Gabilan "Lorelei, darthvader I thought the general advice with stalkers was not to engage as they can misread any contact. (She looked at me, it must mean she loves me!) "

apols if I've misunderstood you, but darthvader & I both said "don't engage". Sorry, I thought from your post that you thought we weren't saying that? Confused

Original poster
fishfingersinmysandwiches · 10/11/2015 18:08

You're right Galiban - I was silly to think that. Feel a bit Blush now. I'm just not feeling that great in general really - a bit vulnerable, a bit down. So my brain seems to be fertile ground for overblown, irrational thoughts.

OP posts:
Gabilan · 10/11/2015 18:08

Hi Lorelei - yes, to be clear, was agreeing with you!

lorelei9 · 10/11/2015 18:12

thanks Galiban, I was just confused.

Fish, don't be embarrassed. Mr Odd created a Twilight Zone environment, not you! hopefully you will never see hide nor hair of him again and the neighbourhood rats will die at his place instead

Gabilan · 10/11/2015 18:13

"Hands up how many of us have found a dead rat on our doorstep"

I've found them in various places but then I'm around stable yards a lot. Last one was in my living room, deposited by one of my cats - farm cats who can kill them. (And no, not all cats bring all their kills home, though by definition you're unlikely to find out about the stuff they eat before it gets to you).

I think it's just worth bearing in mind that the OP is feeling vulnerable so whilst I do think it's worth flagging up some concerns, I don't want to overblow things.

Fintan · 10/11/2015 18:25

I found a dead rat on my doorstep one morning, actually lain out all neatly on its side on my front door mat, two days after moving into this house.

Totally freaked me out. I was new to the area and it scared me to death wondering who had put it there. I'd never even seen one before. I don't live out in the country, but I am semi-rural.

A few years later, I happened to mention it to a neighbour who has a notorious killer cat.
She said she thought maybe her cat had brought it to me as a welcome gift Shock . A feline house warming present, if you like.
While I'm not completely convinced it was my neighbour's cat, now that I've lived here for nearly a decade, I do realise that wildlife - dead and injured - can appear in strange places.

BerylStreep · 10/11/2015 19:58

I've had a dead enormous rat on my doorstep. One of my old cats killed it, and apart from 2 tiny puncture wounds it was intact.

I have 2 Burmese now - one is a great bird & mouse hunter, the other has an ongoing feud with the local squirrels, which usually involves facing it down, and only once it has left does she make an attempt to chase it, when all chance of actually catching it has passed.

I love the phrase 'I doubt he has gone from roses to rodents in 3 days'

DearFox · 10/11/2015 20:05

Blimey, as others have said, it's terrifying, the story he made up in his mind.

If he'd rung you shortly afterwards and said "I wonder if you remember me? {quick description} and then asked you out... that would have been ok!

pocketsaviour · 10/11/2015 20:09

My big Burmese boy once brought a rat into the house. Little fecker took it to the upstairs toilet (yes!) and then let go of it and ran away. Imagine my little sister's surprise when she opened the loo door a while later. Let's just say there was a lot of screaming Grin

BerylStreep · 10/11/2015 20:11

Grin My Burmese grown up kitten does that, but thankfully only with mice.

pocketsaviour · 10/11/2015 20:15

DearFox I think if someone did that, say within a week max, I would be fine with it.

It's the turning up on the doorstep that is the stressor for me. If he's got the address through work then that's concerning as it's data misuse. If he asked around until he found someone to give it to him, that's also well out of order (on both his part and the person who gave it to him). Why couldn't he just say "Would you please give her my number" or similar?