This is creepy, right?

[fishfingersinmysandwiches]

So this evening there was a knock at the door. I openec it and there was a man I vaguely recognise standing with a huge bunch of pink roses saying, "These are for you".

I was totally confused as I was expecting my sons friends dad (whom I've not met before) to bring my son and his friend back to my house for a sleepover, so I was thinking it was rather an over top thank you gesture for having his son over.

But the man then asked if I fancy a coffee sometime? He also gave me a separate pink rose for my daughter, "Just in case she feels left out." I looked blank and replied, "But I don't know you."

He explained that he worked at such and such a place and then it dawned on me where Ii'd seen him before. I'd been into his place of work about three months ago and as far as I'm concerned that is the only time we've ever met. He told me he'd noticed we, "Had a lot of eye contact". Er... have we??? I was too taken aback to send him packing and ended up fobbing him off with some feeble, "Er.. let me think about it and get back to you" comment. I just felt a bit frozen and weirded out to be honest.

What I want to know is how the fuck he knows where I live?

This is creepy and innappropriate, correct? My friend seems to think it's romantic but I'm not happy.

Sorry, that should be "when working out which is which you have few clues to go on, so it's safer to be cautious".

The Impulse ads were creepy, I knew that when i was 6!

Trust your gut - it is always right - only you were there - only you can have sensed the atmosphere - and you called it -- it is creepy for you - so no go.

I have also read you phone call thread and I think that they are connected.

Please be careful - ensure you have 100% privacy settings on all your a nd your childrens social media -- he will be feeding off this.

I think a call to the police "for advice" might well be appropriate -- he may be on some sort of register or be known to them.

Good luck keep safe.

What a sad cynical world we live in. A man rocks up with some lovely flowers and invites her for coffee and people are talking about calling to police, WTAF. They would laugh in you face, in fact people should be fined for wasting police time as if they do not have enough to cope with. Personally I think it is very romantic and if I liked the look of him I would go for said coffee. Must have taken a lot of guts.

To track down her home address and show up three months after the briefest of meetings??

Track down,?? again you are making out he is some kind of nutter. Sounds like they know people in common not hard to find out where someone lives.

maybe he's on mn-as in this thread?

Do you think it's acceptable to 'find out where someone lives' and show up on their doorstep?

Really?

If they know people in common, what's wrong with asking for OP's number? Then mutual friend can check if this is ok before handing it out.

The eye contact thing, the single flower for DD and the odd phone calls all make me very uncomfortable. OP what did your mate say when you told him? Does he know the guy?

Also, regarding the Clooney thing, Ted Bundy was considered to be handsome...

It's not 'romantic' in the least and is most definitely creepy.

I'd contact his work and let them know what he did. Totally unacceptable behaviour on his part. He knows your address and that you have a daughter.

I had this behaviour from a man when I first started working. It was awful (thankfully left soon after to start University in another country). And I didn't have children and a settled life at the time. I was thankfully mobile - and even in a loving relationship at that time.

Oh for god sakes so we have gone from a guy turning up with flowers, agreed may mis judged but now he is a potential serial killer. Guys get a grip

My comment was on relation to a PP saying that it wouldn't be an issue if he looked like George Clooney. I am not suggesting he is a serial killer, just that you can't judge someone's personality based on looks. It was a ridiculous comparison to illustrate how ridiculous the Clooney comment was. No grip needed

DadOnIce you sound like a nice guy.

FYI I am tall, slim, attractive, young and with a rack to die for.

I'm going to think about your posts for a couple of months and then find out where you live and show up on your doorstep, give you a big bunch of flowers, and ask you on a date. I will have researched your family situation, and have single roses for your children, so they don't feel left out. The flowers will have some meaning to them and I will write a card that says "Please believe me!" in relation to this. I will find out if you're single.

I might say "If I have misread this..." when I see you.

Or would that make me a total fucking lunatic? The answer to this question is of course YES YES YES YES ONLY A VERY DISTURBED PERSON WOULD DO THAT. And actually I'm quite ordinary. I even lied about being tall and slim, and I'm not as young as I used to be, so the magnificent rack has gone south. I'm no Angelina.

And you might argue that we've never met (unlike the OP and the man she had a single shopping encounter with) and that I would be stalking you (which I would) and that it's really creepy to sneak around and find out someone's address then show up on their doorstep (which it absolutely is) and that I'm not even good looking (correct.) But this man's bizarre behaviour after ONE encounter, where the OP bought something from his shop, that's OK?

And by the way, even gorgeous looking people can be abusive and violent and disturbing and creepy. Ask me how I know.

He might be socially clueless and have totally misjudged the situation and be utterly harmless but a little dense with no idea his behaviour could be interpreted as anything other than romantic.

But he has behaved in the same way as people who are scary and creepy, who have no sense of boundaries, who are disturbed and can turn into stalkers.

I'd urge anyone to err on the side of caution, and I would find his behaviour very odd and offputting. And I speak as someone who would LOVE to have someone want to send me flowers - but not like this.

Hmm,

Some mix of creepy, socially inept and mental at play.

Flowers OK when you have met someone. They are nuts if you have only vaguely met someone a few months ago.

As far as 'romantic, like a film' goes. What other films have been an influence on him - Silence of the Lambs?

There are some very strange people about, with some very strange ideas on how to meet people. Sure, you're not going to meet anyone is you stay in your bedroom listening to Morrissey but looking up addresses of people who came into his shop a few months ago?

I'd find the fact that someone has dwelt on this for a few months more worrying than the flowers.

Anyho, summary - I would go and see him at his place of work, return flowers and say it inappropriate and not to contact you in future.

If I were you, I'd nip this in the bud. That bloke saw you take the flowers and knows you don't have his number. You can't be living on your nerves, flinching every time the doorbell goes!

Go and tell him that you didn't say anything at the time, as you were shocked and confused, but the flowers are nice, thanks, but that there must have been a misunderstanding and you didn't want to leave it like that.

Whatever the Mans intentions, he has made the OP feel uncomfortable and unsafe in her own home. Therefore it is creepy and wrong. If I fancied someone I didn't know, I would NEVER turn up at their house - who would?!

If it is such a small and close town, I'm sure he could have asked a mutual friend to set you up on a date.

It is odd but I don't think he intended on it being odd. I dunno.

I would just ignore him and perhaps put a sign up on the door saying NO COLD CALLERS lol

Oh and by the way - this is the meaning of pink roses:

*A little sweet, a little sentimental, but packing contemporary color punch, pink roses are your go-to multipurpose roses. Whether you’re sending thanks, cheering up a friend, or a recognizing a romantic occasion, a bouquet of pink roses gets it right every time.

Horticulturally speaking, pink roses are a classic—they were the first color rose cultivated, since pink roses are most common in the wild. It went on to enjoy a long history in Western art and decoration before the Victorians went the whole nine yards with the pink rose’s sentimentalism, depicting it everywhere from wallpaper to upholstery to greeting cards. Since then, the world’s love affair with the blushing beauties has continued, but we now see it getting a more contemporary treatment in sophisticated bouquets.

The pink rose has always been associated with feelings of love and gratitude, but as evolving cultivation techniques have created a wider array of pink rose shades, the meanings attached to them have become more nuanced. It’s said that darker pink roses are symbolic of gratitude and appreciation, while lighter pinks are associated with gentleness and admiration. All good stuff, which brings us back to the original point that you simply can’t go wrong with pink*

A few people are guilty of being so hot under the collar that they have been keen to criticise things I have not actually said. I'm quite aware of "Hollywood bullshit", thank you. And the guy didn't turn up at her door and say "nice tits, love", did he? He bought her a bunch of flowers. (I actually bought someone a bunch of flowers when I was younger. It didn't lead to a relationship, as it happens, but they were quite touched by it.)

He bought her a bunch of flowers and then randomly showed up at her door, even though they'd never had a conversation.

That's not sweet. It's fucking weird.

Having said all that, he does sound a bit socially inept. It's not necessarily something to criticise him for or call the police over. He probably just doesn't have the first clue about how women like to be approached. Could be a symptom of the internet age, or maybe he's just confused.

I'm glad I'm not a young single guy dating any more - it's a minefield.

Peppa

I don't usually like it when people swap genders as it tends to ignore the experiences of men and women. What seems freaky to me is less likely to freak out a 6' 2" man. However, in this case I think it's worth doing.

I'm female, 40s, physically attractive, intelligent, educated. Own teeth and hair. Say someone comes into my workplace on business. We have a brief, polite conversation relating to business. He makes lots of eye contact with me. I notice this.

I mull over this for 3 months. I work out where he lives, either by asking around, or by using confidential information gained from work. I rock up on his doorstep, unannounced with whatever the male equivalent of flowers is (and it's quite telling that I can't work out what that is). I've noticed he has a child and I turn up with a gift for them as well.

How many people think this is a rational action?

When people defend this man, they say a lot about what he wants and ask how he's supposed to achieve it. There seems to be little thought in those posts about what the OP wants. It's all about the poor man, thwarted in his attempts to make contact. He doesn't have to make contact. And if he did want to, he could use some of those local connections. "Hey, I met Fish briefly at work. She seems lovely. Would you mind passing on my email/ phone number to her? It would be great if she could get in touch. Maybe she would like to meet up for a coffee?"

Puts the ball in Fish's court. Keeps her safe and in control, considers what she wants. Bit bold maybe, but IMO rather less freaky.

DadOnIce, misses point spectacularly.

And the guy didn't turn up at her door and say "nice tits, love", did he?

WTF does that have to do with anything? Because he was polite, he's not a creep?

If only every street harassment encounter that started out with "Hi there" didn't end with "What's the matter, my cock not good enough for you, you stuck up fucking bitch?"

Being polite before rejection doesn't make it any less creepy. Really not sure why this is hard for people to grasp.

He showed up at her front door. Didn't call her (although he may have, anonymously and creepily), didn't email her, didn't message her on FB. HE SHOWED UP AT HER HOUSE, IN PERSON. That is weird, all you brainwashed Hollywood romantics. She can't block his number or his FB account to stop him showing up and harassing her, if he chooses to do so.

It would be a bit less weird if this were 1985. It's 2015, there are multiple ways to get in touch with someone that don't involve showing up at their door.

Does this not remind anyone else of an episode of Criminal Minds?