DP in the bedroom - is this normal or am I right to feel upset?

[unsuresweets]

DP's behaviour in the bedroom:

1. Loves receiving oral sex, but won't give it to me as he finds it 'gross' and 'tastes horrible'
2. Comes too soon 9 times out of 10, and tells me he can't help it. Then rolls over an goes to sleep...really frustrating for me!
3. Wants to wash immediately after sex
4. On the odd occasion, there can be a very very, barely noticeable, TINY amount of blood is on the condom afterwards (been checked out and it's nothing to worry about, cell erosion) and DP freaks out and calls it 'disgusting.'
5. A few weeks ago I bought some sexy underwear and waited for DP when he got home from work - he barely said anything and just asked how much it had cost...

After a chat with a friend the other weekend, she was shocked particularly at point 2. She said her DP would always make sure she comes, either by giving her oral sex or slowing down etc.

I had been feeling down about all this for ages, and my friend has made me think more about it since our chat. I've asked DP many times whether he just doesnt fancy me, but he claims he was like this with his ex and just 'isn't a sexual person.' I find this hard to believe as I know he watches porn - wouldnt bother me too much if he was at least attentive to us in the bedroom as well.

He tells me I am beautiful all the time but sex wise, this is all I get. I feel I am missing out and feel guilty for feeling that way :(

Nnot normal.

Sefish and lazy and you deserve better.

If this was a newrelationship / no dcs I would say walk, but wiser m'netters may have better advice

No DC. I'm 29, he's 30.

So fed up :(

Thanks joyce

Point 2 and 3 can't both be true - he can't be going to sleep immediately and need to wash immediately at the same time.

pottering thanks for your detective work....

He washes then will go to sleep. It's pretty much immediate, within 5 minutes.

I'm not making it up...!

You're right to be upset. He sounds really selfish and uncaring about your needs.

Its one of two things. Either the porn or he is gay. I was leaning towards gay until you mentioned the porn. Either way, you dont have to accept this.

No it's not normal - he's a selfish arsehole. Is he selfish in other areas of your relationship?

Not good at all, I find it difficult to orgasm by piv alone, dh makes sure I am satisfied orally or manually. My pleasure is just as important as his.

Well, he sounds pretty ghastly and immature quite honestly! I mean, I could cope with a selfish lover but not one who thought my body was in any way 'disgusting'.

Leave now before it's too late. This is not normal. Selfish, lazy. Don't sign yourself for a lifetime of bad sex. This won't get better.

He is selfish. That's it really.

How long have you been with him?

Very helpful Pottering (gawd, there always has to be one on every thread, it's like some kind of unwritten mumsnet rule).

OP , he sounds crap frankly. No DC and you're really young - you can do so much better for yourself. Hell, a decent vibrator would be an improvement.

By the way I'm sure you don't taste horrible. When men won't do oral sex it's to do with them, not you in my experience.

LTB
Every point on that list is wrong, wrong ,wrong, wrong.
What a selfish fuckmonkey.

1. what's the matter with him? That's my favourite thing in the world. Lol. I'd say the same to him next time he asks, "sorry buddy, its too salty for me"
2. this happens to me to :( but I literally just pleasure my GF however she chooses until I'm ahem.... Reloaded as itwer...
3. baby wipes or curtains? Always keep baby wipes near the bed, or tissue.
4. he's an idiot.
5. he an ungrateful big MASSIVE IDIOT.
6. LTB.

Agree with posters saying end the relationship. You've got (using averages) another 40-50 years to live. Don't waste any more time on this selfish, immature arsehole.

Oh and tell him no more oral sex for him until he starts reciprocating.

It would be usual to do things the way mud suggests. Or to sort you out first.

He is selfish and thoughtless. iF he expects to have sex, it should be within the context of it being a mutually satisfying, loving experience, otherwise he might as well have a wank.His treatment of you is eroding your self-esteem.

Thanks everyone. I've been so upset about this tonight!

Appreciate all the support.

boden yes, he is selfish in other areas, very veyr much so. In fact, it's what most people comment on when they get to know him - "oh xxxxx will do what he wants anyway!" sort of comments..

makes him sound awful, he's not completely awful obviously, but when I talk about this with him, he says it's not important and 'he doesnt want to be forced to do anything." so I always leave it as of course i dont want to force him and i feel guilty for having these needs.

Oh and I know the taste thing is just him (i hope!!) as never had any complaints in the past!!!

What does he say isn't important? Your concerns?

Is he observant of a particular religion? Some religions dictate always washing after sex (but the other behaviours could also point to someone who has certain hang ups perhaps due to a particularly fastidious way of thinking.)

redmaple he just says sex isnt important and 'he's never been that bothered about it.'

then I saw the porn.

I'm sure im not amazing in bed, but ive never had complaints before and i'm willing to work on it if he thinks it's no good. when i aks him that he says it's great..... for him it must be!