DP in the bedroom - is this normal or am I right to feel upset?

[unsuresweets]

DP's behaviour in the bedroom:

1. Loves receiving oral sex, but won't give it to me as he finds it 'gross' and 'tastes horrible'
2. Comes too soon 9 times out of 10, and tells me he can't help it. Then rolls over an goes to sleep...really frustrating for me!
3. Wants to wash immediately after sex
4. On the odd occasion, there can be a very very, barely noticeable, TINY amount of blood is on the condom afterwards (been checked out and it's nothing to worry about, cell erosion) and DP freaks out and calls it 'disgusting.'
5. A few weeks ago I bought some sexy underwear and waited for DP when he got home from work - he barely said anything and just asked how much it had cost...

After a chat with a friend the other weekend, she was shocked particularly at point 2. She said her DP would always make sure she comes, either by giving her oral sex or slowing down etc.

I had been feeling down about all this for ages, and my friend has made me think more about it since our chat. I've asked DP many times whether he just doesnt fancy me, but he claims he was like this with his ex and just 'isn't a sexual person.' I find this hard to believe as I know he watches porn - wouldnt bother me too much if he was at least attentive to us in the bedroom as well.

He tells me I am beautiful all the time but sex wise, this is all I get. I feel I am missing out and feel guilty for feeling that way :(

And in case it's not abundantly clear sweets - you deserve, and can do, so much better than this. There is far better out there. Plenty of it.

Sounds just like my exh. And it turned out he only really wanted anal which I find very painful.

Naively I thought it would get better over time as we had the rest of our lives to practice. It got worse. Much worse.

Get rid , don't waste another nanosecond if your time.

Ew, no. Definitely not normal. He's a selfish asshole and you should dump him and go find yourself some decent dick.

In all honesty, it's not going to get better so I'd dump this one and move on or you'll end up feeling more and more resentful and frustrated.

Leave before there's any chance of you having DC together so you can have a clean break. Really, it's your best option.

Leave.

No sex is better than crap sex.

He is literally just using you. None of your sexual experiences with this man (by your account) is pleasurable, satisfying or leave you feeling loved and fulfilled. You have spoken to him about it. He has told you clearly for him it isn't a problem and he isn't prepared to change.

If he had listened and was slowly trying that's one thing. But an unwillingness to listen, care or change? Shit sex is really crap. Sex when you know in advance it will be shit, and that your body disgusts him? Please don't do it again. :(

And you're only 29 and have no dc?? I have no idea why you're still there. Really, leave. Don't be 10 years down the line, with 2 dc and feeling trapped. You can't and shouldn't live like this.

You said yourself it's a deal breaker. So break it now before you get stuck!

Good luck.

he is selfish in other areas, very veyr much so. In fact, it's what most people comment on when they get to know him - "oh xxxxx will do what he wants anyway!" sort of comments..

And you're still with this guy because? Seriously, you're not married, you have no kids together, what's stopping you just walking out?

I agree with AyeAmarok in that his over-use of porn probably has a big impact on this.

Being a porn user doesn't automatically lead to bad sex. But a selfish guy who watches a lot of porn will simply reinforce to himself that women are not living, thinking, feeling people.

Leave him and leave behind one of those fake vaginas. With a note.

Do yourself an enormous favour and dump him. You've loads of time, but don't waste it on such a selfish git.

Thanks so much.

The thing that hurts the most is that he genuinely does not care that I never cum. He just does not care.

I don't get that and it doesnt seem normal.

This "relationship" sounds absolutely dire .

OP why are you putting up with being treated in such an appalling fashion? Is being part of a couple so important?

Please end this.

Sorry OP, (by your posts it's clear you care for him) You deserve to be with someone who at the very least cares for you...

He sounds like my ex. We were together for three years and never once did I orgasm. He washed right after too. But he didnt watch porn and he never wank either. He was weird.

I've NEVER had a partner who did not care. Doesn't always mean it was always great sex or anything but they always cared about me enjoying it as well, they all found one of the biggest buzzes in sex was about their partner enjoying it...

Dump him.

No none of this is normal. It sounds awful and he sounds like a selfish arse.

You deserve so much better OP.

If he doesn't want to give you oral sex then he doesn't have to. Sex isn't about tit for tat, it's about what you're comfortable with. He's not comfortable with it and it's a massive double standard. You would never say it the other way round.

It feels abnormal because it is. You deserve better than this useless manchild, and that's what he is if he's got no interest in exploring and pleasuring a woman's body. 29? Your sexual peak starts very soon. Leave the lazy selfish git and find a man who loves to turn a woman on.

Indeed Winnifred, and this bozo is comfortable to take take take while calling his partner disgusting and not caring about her pleasure. You sound like a joy in the sack.

Aaaaaand dump.

If he doesn't want to give oral sex he doesn't have to, but I personally would feel quite hurt and rejected if my partner said I tasted horrible and washed straight after being intimate with me.

unsuresweets

What do you get out of this relationship now?. Ask yourself that question.

And you are with this person because.....

Why are you putting up with him at all, is it because "you love him?" and you think this is what love really is. Well it is not.

Such selfish men do not change. Read "Baggage Reclaim" and work out for yourself why you are also allowing him to treat you with such disdain because you really are nothing to this man. He needs dumping and fast frankly.