DP in the bedroom - is this normal or am I right to feel upset?

[unsuresweets]

DP's behaviour in the bedroom:

1. Loves receiving oral sex, but won't give it to me as he finds it 'gross' and 'tastes horrible'
2. Comes too soon 9 times out of 10, and tells me he can't help it. Then rolls over an goes to sleep...really frustrating for me!
3. Wants to wash immediately after sex
4. On the odd occasion, there can be a very very, barely noticeable, TINY amount of blood is on the condom afterwards (been checked out and it's nothing to worry about, cell erosion) and DP freaks out and calls it 'disgusting.'
5. A few weeks ago I bought some sexy underwear and waited for DP when he got home from work - he barely said anything and just asked how much it had cost...

After a chat with a friend the other weekend, she was shocked particularly at point 2. She said her DP would always make sure she comes, either by giving her oral sex or slowing down etc.

I had been feeling down about all this for ages, and my friend has made me think more about it since our chat. I've asked DP many times whether he just doesnt fancy me, but he claims he was like this with his ex and just 'isn't a sexual person.' I find this hard to believe as I know he watches porn - wouldnt bother me too much if he was at least attentive to us in the bedroom as well.

He tells me I am beautiful all the time but sex wise, this is all I get. I feel I am missing out and feel guilty for feeling that way :(

He's beyond redemption if he believes his mother! Find someone interested in making you feel like a princess, not a handy vagina.

He's not completely awful then, but he is selfish and you are incompatible.
You can do better for yourself

Did his ex dump him?
Seriously. Leave. Do not give any more head.
If you feel miserable now. Imagine still being with him in another few years maybe with kids.
Run while you can.
Out of curiosity, what type of porn is he into. Might give you an idea of his hangups.

Um. You haven't said why on Earth you are with this guy.

He is shit in bed and he is an entitled selfish bastard.

You do realise you're allowed to be single, don't you? You don't have to have a dick in your life.

OP, he just says sex isnt important and 'he's never been that bothered about it. But that just isn't true (even if you leave out the porn); he's getting off, isn't he? It's just your enjoyment that isn't important to him. I think you could do a lot better.

What Askbasil said.

Dump him. He sounds like a right selfish twat.

Selfish in bed and out of it, forget it, move on.

Sex isn't EVERYTHING but it's important and his attitude towards you is bloody awful.

My ex was like this OP.

He thought pubic hair was disgusting. Hated the taste of me yet insisted on BJs all the time

we went through a phase of him being unable to cum with sex, BJs, my hand etc and more often than not it involved him sat there finishing himself off before id even warmed up.

Then it went to your situ where he would be over Very very quickly if he did manage to cum at all.

He too watched an awful lot of porn.

Its not you OP. Its most defo him. He is, as PPs said, lazy, selfish and CLUELESS when it comes to sex but also conditioned by the porn he is watching and has, in his head, a fantasy of how sex should be - All about him.

after trying for a few months with my ex it did start to change but it still wasn't great. The day my ex told me vaginas and pubic hair aren't hygienic or clean even though he had the hairiest nutsack I have ever seen and obvs hadn't heard of manscaping not to mention the pouting when thrusting was the day it was over.

It really isn't worth staying with him. It will continue to kill your self esteem, your sex drive and you will resent him for it. It took me years to get back into dating again because of the massive blows to my confidence his shitty attitudes to sex did to me.

You need to steel yourself and move on before you suffer the same :(

A man's job is to please and satisfy the woman he is with, if he's not or is incapable of doing that then he does not deserve the woman or to be called a man!.

Amen.

Bollocks justaboy

I'm just coming on to say I wonder if he's gay.

Justaboy why do you always have to come on all these threads with your weird creepy shit?

I'm just coming onto say FFS you are 29 and no DCs please run away very fast.

Blimey, there's blokes all over mn tonight it creeps me out

He is selfish and lazy - not qualities I would ever want in a man

ElleAndAitch Well it takes two to tango so they say;)

Its a bit creepy?, is it heck, its just that he should think himself lucky that he's got a woman who's doing oral for him and he can't be arsed to return the favour!.

I think the OP should go and find a bloke who satisfies her, what's wrong with that?.

Definitely no more bj's. Why on earth would you want to?! I think I'd stop any sexual contact until (or if) you can get him to talk about this properly. I'd like to know for a start what he thinks you're getting out of sex with him and why he thinks you'd want to waste your time doing it with him? Does he honestly think giving him pleasure is enough to float your boat? Sad, really sad. You don't have to put up with this and you mustn't. If the sex is that bad it'll probably dwindle till it stops which won't bother him if he's porning anyway and you'll end up living with him in more of a brother and sister relationship, and it doesn't sound as though underneath it all you like him much anyway. Sail away now, and moor up somewhere happier and a whole lot sexier.

If he was clueless and inexperienced but willing there might be some hope. This one is incompetent, selfish and utterly disrespectful. There is no hope of anything better than what you've got.

Get rid and fast before he completely erodes your self-esteem

Honestly, it's not worth 'talking about this properly' with a selfish person. Just fucking dump him. 'You're selfish. You're a shite shag. Goodbye.'

ditch him.

Yeah don't bother to talk to him. There is absolutely no point. Why bother?

There are millions of men out there who are nice, decent, lovely men with good attitudes and great lovers too.

Find one of them. Don't waste your time with this one. He's not your problem. You don't have to try to mould him into an acceptable life partner. There are lots of men who are already ready to fulfil that role, without you having to put the time and effort in to making them acceptable. And anyway, the likelihood is, you could put an awful lot of time and effort into it and he still wouldn't be an acceptable life partner. So all that exhausting work and time would have been for nothing. Honestly, he's a bad investment. Don't invest any more time, effort or thought in him, he is simply not worthy of any of it.

Tell him in detail how shit he is in bed and how selfish he is otherwise in the relationship and walk.

Don't put up with being a wanksock for an inadequate.

What would you have to do to leave him?

What are your living arrangements?

I find Giraffe's advice on page 1 fascinating. She'd 'only consider leaving him if he refused to see a doctor', and 'would consider counselling'.

Really - is a relationship so imperative, that you'd stay and actively work (being the operative word) on one that is as piss poor as this one...? Why wouldn't you just leave, and be single?

This mindset that any relationship is better than no relationship at all is so damaging.