DP in the bedroom - is this normal or am I right to feel upset?

[unsuresweets]

DP's behaviour in the bedroom:

1. Loves receiving oral sex, but won't give it to me as he finds it 'gross' and 'tastes horrible'
2. Comes too soon 9 times out of 10, and tells me he can't help it. Then rolls over an goes to sleep...really frustrating for me!
3. Wants to wash immediately after sex
4. On the odd occasion, there can be a very very, barely noticeable, TINY amount of blood is on the condom afterwards (been checked out and it's nothing to worry about, cell erosion) and DP freaks out and calls it 'disgusting.'
5. A few weeks ago I bought some sexy underwear and waited for DP when he got home from work - he barely said anything and just asked how much it had cost...

After a chat with a friend the other weekend, she was shocked particularly at point 2. She said her DP would always make sure she comes, either by giving her oral sex or slowing down etc.

I had been feeling down about all this for ages, and my friend has made me think more about it since our chat. I've asked DP many times whether he just doesnt fancy me, but he claims he was like this with his ex and just 'isn't a sexual person.' I find this hard to believe as I know he watches porn - wouldnt bother me too much if he was at least attentive to us in the bedroom as well.

He tells me I am beautiful all the time but sex wise, this is all I get. I feel I am missing out and feel guilty for feeling that way :(

THE WORST TIME:

H'ed come early, and then said he'd finish me...he started touching me then fell asleep. I felt really embarassed and cried myself to sleep that night.

A former boyfriend told me that, to him, women taste like orange juice.

'he doesnt want to be forced to do anything." so I always leave it as of course i dont want to force him and i feel guilty for having these needs

Well you can stop feeling guilty for a start!
Ifnhes not willing or able to make you happy go and find someone that will , there's nothing to be guilty about, nothing to feel bad about.

WHY ARE YOU WITH HIM?!

1. People are entitled to their own sexual preferences. He doesn't think have to like giving and liking receiving isn't linked. That's like saying a man who likes to give anal should enjoy taking it!

1. Coming too soon can happen. Most men know they can do this though and makes sure the foreplay is good or will continue after to ensure their partner finishes too.

1. I like washing after too. Nothing wrong with that in my book.

1. I'm horrified at him!

1. I'm horrified at him!

His attitude wouldn't make him a compatible partner for me. Sadly I don't think it's something he would change.

needascarf he won't see a doctor as he doesnt think there is a problem.

we have NO money problems whatsoever.

He sounds awful. Easy for me to say but I think you should leave. What made you want to be with him in the first place? Did he start off a lot nicer?

I felt really embarrassed and cried myself to sleep that night.

This was the point that I thought you should consider separating from him.

hellon yes he did start off nice.

he was never too keen in bed from day one though.

the problem is, i want a healthy sex life as i feel it is important.

his mum apparently told him sex wasnt needed in a relationship...!

His mum is wrong and he's weird. Sex is (or should be) the only thing you only do with your partner. It's very important for intimacy and good sex is very, very good for you.

oh gosh, please get rid, this cant be doing anything for your self esteem, and its completely his issue. He sounds so unsatisfactory - you deserve better, and what you describe is not the norm, although i have come across similar and guess what? - he was also a completely selfish tosser as it sounds like your P is.

The simple question is:
Can you live like this for the next year? 2? 10? Forever?
Of the answer is no, then you can try talking to him, see if he will get help, or leave.

Personally, I don't think I could stay. Me and GF don't DTD often but its always great when we do.

Can you imagine 50 more years of this?

Leave. Find someone much more fun

hes spectacularly shit in bed, and selfish in other ways too?

You know the answer to this OP. You cant live like that

Thanks everyone.

It has definitely affected my self esteem. I want to feel that level of intimacy you can only get from sex.

He's selfish in many other ways as well, but in the bedroom it just seems like a deal breaker really. Like the above psoter says, it's the onyl thing you have between the two of you.

If you left him you might find someone who isn't completely perfect instead of settl8ng for someone who isn't completely awful.

You deserve better.

I never ever EVER say LTB usually . . . but for the love of God LTB!!!

Get rid. Just get rid. You deserve so much more than this. No more talking. Just make plans to leave. Then you do it. Take the day off from work, rope in a friend or professionals, pack up and leave his ass. Yes, I have done this. I left a note. 'You're selfish. You're a shite shag. Goodbye.'

He takes sex advise from his mum??

Seriously OP, do you need anyone else to say it?

There are plenty of women out there with non existant sex drives . . . he can go find one of those :)

I think the porn has meant that he can't be arsed with the hassle of having sex with an actual person, rather than just himself.

You may as well not be there OP.

It's a DTF from me.

I think the porn has meant that he can't be arsed with the hassle of having sex with an actual person, rather than just himself.

You may as well not be there OP.

It's a DTF from me.