DP in the bedroom - is this normal or am I right to feel upset?

[unsuresweets]

DP's behaviour in the bedroom:

1. Loves receiving oral sex, but won't give it to me as he finds it 'gross' and 'tastes horrible'
2. Comes too soon 9 times out of 10, and tells me he can't help it. Then rolls over an goes to sleep...really frustrating for me!
3. Wants to wash immediately after sex
4. On the odd occasion, there can be a very very, barely noticeable, TINY amount of blood is on the condom afterwards (been checked out and it's nothing to worry about, cell erosion) and DP freaks out and calls it 'disgusting.'
5. A few weeks ago I bought some sexy underwear and waited for DP when he got home from work - he barely said anything and just asked how much it had cost...

After a chat with a friend the other weekend, she was shocked particularly at point 2. She said her DP would always make sure she comes, either by giving her oral sex or slowing down etc.

I had been feeling down about all this for ages, and my friend has made me think more about it since our chat. I've asked DP many times whether he just doesnt fancy me, but he claims he was like this with his ex and just 'isn't a sexual person.' I find this hard to believe as I know he watches porn - wouldnt bother me too much if he was at least attentive to us in the bedroom as well.

He tells me I am beautiful all the time but sex wise, this is all I get. I feel I am missing out and feel guilty for feeling that way :(

Hes not saying he doesnt want oral because he doesnt enjoy it,hes saying he doesnt want to do it because its disgusting and unhygienic,but if he REALLY believed that he would not it done to him either

RedAnnie has it aright: and further evidence that, in his mind, you're not a real person.

Are you going to leave him? Because you haven't actually said why you're with him, and he seems like a POS.

Does he have any redeeming features at all? He sounds awful. Would you really rather be with someone this cold, misogynistic and selfish than be on your own for a while? You're young, you have nothing tying you to this person and he's giving you nothing to stay for.
and for you.

Sex should be an expression of the dynamic between you and your partner (and that dynamic should be mutually beneficial). If all he does is take take take, call you names and not care about your pleasure, there's no way he's not manifesting that elsewhere as well.

The poster who made some facile remark about him not having to give you oral has missed the point (and probably a lot of orgasms). Sex is not just about 'what you're comfortable with' (in fact I think a lot of it should be about trying new things that aren't necessarily comfortable, though of course you should stop and not repeat if it's a problem), it is about pleasuring your partner and giving as well as taking. If you really find oral sex unbearable to give then you should not demand it, or you should be looking at an alternative to satisfy her equally.

It's true you should not be bullied by your partner into doing things that you will find traumatic or harmful, but that does not excuse being a selfish lazy twat who still thinks girls are icky and has no problem saying so. Especially if you're only going to go and get off on porn anyway.

Definitely not normal. He deserves to be single.

He should make sure you orgasm, if not orally then by using his fingers.

If he can't do this then why should you bother having sex with him?

Tell him straight you are not getting enough pleasure from it.
Either he gives you pleasure or he can forget it.

As to thinking that blood is revolting what f planet is he on? Is he not aware that every women bleeds every single month?
Twat.

Unless the rest of your relationship is fantastic I would ltb.

I wouldn't bother staying.

Can you imagine yourself staying like this for the next five....ten....twenty years? No orgasms, just a selfish man who makes no effort and it's all about him and doesn't care about your needs? No? Leave him. This is a deal breaker.

If you dump him, you'll soon find it hurts less.

"Why was x so selfish? Oh yes, because he was a dick."

His opinion is not important, OP. Spend time with people who like you.

I wonder if he's gay and trying to pretend otherwise to himself? One of my friends was in the closet for years because he was terrified of coming out and dated some lovely, attractive women to try and convince himself he was into men. It obviously didn't work but what you're describing sounds a bit like some of the things my friend talked about. He feels very bad for the women now and wishes he'd been honest earlier, but with the amount of homophobia about you can see why coming out is still really hard. Hope you can find a conclusion either way

Like someone else up thread, I have never said this before, but you should definitely leave him. You are so young, are not married, and have no children. If he is like this now, and you stay and have children/ get married, you will be committing to a terrible, and most probably increasingly terrible, sex life for the rest of your life.

Poor you, this is really horrible! It might be normal for a 16 year old but then you grow up and learn to behave.

If he knows he's going to cum in 2 minutes and you're not, then he needs to get you nearly there before he even starts. Fair enough he doesn't like giving oral, but he needs to find something you both like and do that - otherwise you're basically a wank sock to him, not a sexual partner.

Oh it sounds like I'm offering solutions there, I wasn't. I was pointing out what should have occurred to him as solutions if he gave a fuck about you. He clearly doesn't. He is very selfish, and ridiculously immature. LTB.

Sounds awful and all those things would upset me (apart from washing after - we do that sometimes too). I'm not sure how I could be convinced that someone who didn't care whether I was enjoying our sexual relationship or not could truly care about me at all - it's too fundamental.

I'm going to add...I've known a few truly dominant men (I mean dominant, not stupid manchildren who think domming is just telling women what to do and not pleasuring them) and each one, without exception, loved going down on women. I have heard there are some who don't like it because they think it somehow shows them as submissive; thank God I was never in bed with them, and fuck them if they're fully grown men who want to dom while still thinking girls have cooties. I want a man, not a fucking eight year old.

The men I've known love the sight, the taste, the smell and, most of all, knowing they're driving the woman to absolute distraction so she wants more and more. I really do not trust a straight man who thinks vaginas are somehow icky.

Urgh, just seen the bit where his mum told him sex isn't important in a relationship. Can't imagine how she raised a useless sad sack who insists on getting his dick wet but runs screaming from a vagina. This twat makes Alexander Portnoy look like Casanova.

I would actually be laughing at what a shrivelled, clueless, shrieking manchild he is (I've got an image in my mind of a kind of Where's Wally character with buck teeth wanking furiously in front of a computer screen), except for the very real pain and frustration he's causing you, OP. His issues wouldn't be so bad if he acknowledged he had them and tried to fix them, but the fact he sincerely thinks you don't have needs and doesn't care if you say otherwise is the dealbreaker. Get rid. You deserve better and this is not a practise life. If he's that detached from a partner he can spend his life wanking off to porn with his penis in a dog's mouth.

I have had inept lovers, that with a bit of engourement and practice became good lovers, because they had enthusiasm and passion.
This man has neither.
Go get yourself a man that makes the blood pump through your veins.

I think he doesn't fancy you.

He doesn't want to give you pleasure and that speaks volumes about him as a person, and your relationship in general. Don't allow him to convince you it's you either (by your taste/layout/inability to come after a few moments of penetration. He couldn't give a shit about any of those things.

Please, stop wasting your time and move on.

He is a misogynist. Sounds like his mother gave him more ideas than just sex isn't important. .like women who like sex are dirty etc.

Whatever. He isn't your problem to fix.

There are plenty of men out there who like women and sex.

No shit, ShortandSweeter. He fancies only himself (a bit like you with your rubbish internet trolling of vulnerable people - big up to you indeed), which is just as well since he's clearly no good at pleasuring anyone else.

Shortandsweeter - that is not a very nice comment. When men treat women badly it is usually because of their own short comings and not because they don't fancy their partner. These sort of men would be shits to supermodels as well.

Clearly my own opinion of course. It's not meant as an attack on the OP- by the logic given above all men should fancy supermodels. Hardly congruent with the pervasive feminist rhetoric on this site and clearly nonsense. And your use of the word 'usually' means that you agree that it's a possibility. My conclusion was an obvious one that hadn't been mentioned, hence my post.

The only slightly acceptable thing on here is 3) but he should be cuddling you and making sure you are OK first.
Other than that he is a selfish git who is crap in bed and you deserve a lot better.
I hardly ever say this but .... LTB!!

Oh Short, do fuck off. This isn't reddit. I appreciate that you're insecure and feel a need to resolve it by vomiting your issues forth on the Internet in a failed attempt to appear clever but a vulnerable person is not an appropriate channel. It stopped being clever and edgy in 2005.