So what are the chances of meeting a life partner at 45 ?

[darlingish]

In a nutshell met ex h at 18 and was married at 19 , had 4 dc and now at 45 I'm single !
Been separated 18 mths and started divorce proceedings.
Was very unhappy for many years and am blessed to be free now .
Met a lovely man in the spring and had my first romance and although I love him to bits and vice versa it cannot last for many reasons .
Wrong time wrong place .
When he leaves which he will early next year we will be friends for life and may well come back together one day but certainly for the next 5 years he will be on the other side of the world .
So ... I have 4 dc, 2 at home still .
I have a a demanding job .
No family support so very busy , ie up at 6 and don't stop until 11 every day as ex rarely sees his dc.
I do know that I need to be happy on my own and not rely on a man to make me happy , so that a future relationship will enhance my life not be the sole making of it iykwim.
Kind of feel like the next ten years is my time to get happy , enjoy life and my dc and do the dating I never did in my youth .
I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !
It's made me think OMG .
I know it's ok to be single but after the summer romance I've had with my lovely man friend I would so love to share the rest of my life with the right person ( pref him but hey ho ) .

So what are the odds ?
Is it really that bad out there ?

SOME older men want younger women
SOME older women want younger men
SOME people want physical perfection
SOME people don't
SOME people just want to meet someone that they have that undefinable 'click' with and unfortunately that can't be necessarily be found by checking boxes on OLD...
ALL are welcome to their preferences.....

Be happy. Be confident. Be at total peace with who you are as a person. I'm confident that with those qualities, anyone, irrespective of their age has a fair chance of meeting someone they 'click' with.

And if you don't? Well just make sure you have a helluva lot of fun while you're on that path.

Seth im childfree by choice too. "all decent women want children"

I went on a couple of chat shows years ago and i remember a man shouting out that i was inhumane. I remember his distinct American accent even today and it was years ago.

I think attitudes towards this choice have improved since then or i hope they have.

Slight no, I am not outraged notice things online for them in their OWN experience.

If you say "In my experience, all the men I have met on OLD are..." I won't dispute it. I will believe you.

If you say "All men on OLD want slim women..." I will dispute it because you are stating that as a fact, not as an opinion in your experience, and it isn't true.

I wouldn't come on here and say "all women are gold diggers" or "all women only want guys with huge dicks and bodies like Channing Tatum in Magic Mike".

I just don't like sweeping generalisations levelled at either sex that are simply not true and do a section of the population a disservice.

Still

On one dating website myself and my brother were matched. We had a laugh about it. But he is 8 years older than me and said that the dating world was a man's world - he could have the pick of women he wanted (he is good looking).

"Androgynous mind." Wowjustwow, as they say. But more and more men are like that, so you should be fine. All best.

womensenews.org/story/uncovering-gender/060614/newsweeks-apology-comes-20-years-too-late

The "more likely to die in a terrorist incident than marry" thing was a joke in a Newsweek article of 1986, now debunked by Newsweek itself.

HTH

@elendon: You're a liar in implying you know the first thing about adult, Sunday-league, recreational football. Of course I don't "keep up with" my son. He's a wonderful player, a joy to watch, all the teams try to recruit him. But teams with players of differing abilities, that's actually a thing.

Oh, and you're also lying about having good sex with the younger fat guy. I have no evidence for that but it appears I need none.

I didn't read through all your posts but any other statements of fact? All lies.

Good news, my time machine works! Bad news, I've landed in 1952.
Mind you, I like my black sense of humour and supremely unsweet disposition. I'm like a female Bernard Black, but with better abs.

I acknowledge all women's right to have whatever preferences they have. Attraction is a very personal thing.

God forbid men should have the same right.

Two of the men I have dated are childless, both never married, both live alone.
The first. I think by choice.
My current partner went through years of fertility clinics and IVF, with a previous partner.
Both are lovely. No reason for them not to be

Attraction is indeed personal BUT many of us are perhaps more influenced by culture than we realise. There's a fair amount of evidence that shows that what counts as attractive is historically and culturally variable. So if someone says 'have you considered xyz' it is worth having a think, even if you end up sticking to your guns.

You may be right, @gabilan. I will admit, for instance - with deserved embarrassment - to being much more open than I used to be to women of ethnic backgrounds different from my own. But from my earliest memories, there has never been a time when my body responded to an overweight or unpleasant woman in the way it responds to a shapely, happy woman. If that's cultural, I sure got it early.

And, honestly, if it's cultural, so what? It causes me no problems. And I no more owe anything to large or unpleasant women than shapely, happy women owe anything to me.

I'm really interested to know, how would a woman know that the men she has messaged didn't reply purely on the grounds of her age? Slight did any of them told you this or do you mean you have messaged those men who state they wanted a much younger woman? If they ignore with no feedback then there's absolutely no reason to think that your age was the reason! MOst likely, you are not their type looking at photos - or equally likely that something in your intro either jarred on then or they thought your personality is not for them (i.e. they perceived some incompatibility). In real life photos are not a stumbling block and people are often appealing in motion so it's easier - also they don't see your list of demands when meeting in person!

I don't reply to men who tick many boxes objectively-speaking if I think he's got a long list of demands or wants to go on adventure holidays which I don't do. Sometimes the face just doesn't appeal to me. I really don't mind whether he's younger or older, and while some men do have age critirea, they are MORE LIKELY to just think you are not their match for other reasons.

Back in 2010 ok cupid produced a blog called ''the case for an

Older woman" can't link as phone playing up but

It's interesting. Their stats show women are more flexible with regard to age differences.

I had a lower age limit. I don't as a rule fancy men a lot younger than me. Of course there are always exceptions....but got fed up with messages from men in their 20s.
Mostly men around my age after that.

What Noclueses, I messaged about 100 men in the age range I thought was about right 42-48 and about 4 of them replied?????? I wasn't 'the type' of any of them???? I guess not. My type is old.

Really surprised anybody would argue that men do NOT do this!!!!

here's the link galiban!

Good article! It's pointless arguing with men who deny that this is the norm! Interesting that the author even says that the article was inspired by unrealistic male expectations. Sometimes, it'd be nice to be wrong and this is one of those times but hey ho, I have a date tomorrow so I'm not throwing in the towel, yet.

"There are men in their 50s who will state that they want a woman who is, say 35-45. I fit in that bracket but why would I be interested in them?"

Well, if you're not cougar material, you may find that men who are 35-45 are looking for women in their twenties?
I think you're quite lucky to know men in their 50s who want women who are 45. The men in their 50s I know are only interested in women in their thirties at most.

Rudder, for reasons fairly obvious, handles older women with kid gloves and treats older men who contact younger women with contempt and condescension. I'll live. I read the post and was not impressed, partly because I'm already willing to get to know any woman who meets my fairly minimal criteria. (Of course, all else being equal, I'll go with the younger woman every time, up to a point anyway. No denial here. See the image, which shows OKC data on the age of women (right side) that men of a given age (left side) find most attractive. Heh.)

Older men on OKC were so underwhelmed with Rudder's "case" that he later apparently felt he had no choice but to force his views on his customers: it's now impossible - or maybe just difficult or expensive, I don't know the details - to contact someone on OKC who is more than 14 years younger. So a small victory for people who know better than "shallow" men.

Speaking of, "shallow" is a popular label to slap on men like me, but fortunately what other people think about me is none of my business. It's easy to keep that in mind here because I owe women nothing. I have no obligation to accommodate women, particularly those I don't want to date. I will not be shamed for my preferences. And honestly, would women care about my preferences if they were getting what they wanted? In this context, "shallow" just means "sub-optimal for older women."

Some sugarcoat the same message, say it's for my own good, up my chances of success. Maybe they're right and will have the last laugh though I'm having fun for now. I think the better approach is to accept the (lawful) path someone else chooses, no matter how misguided (or disadvantageous to the observer) it may seem. I'm convinced many women facing the issues discussed in this thread are on monumentally misguided paths that may even negatively affect me in a few cases. But they're adults with free agency and I wish them well. They should date the men they want to date. If they can.

[One last thought on OD: Any man with the slightest need to use OD would be thrilled with a 4% response rate. I finally gave up but, while I was there, almost every attractive woman who initiated OD contact with me ghosted after my receptive but measured reply. I believe a lot of women use OD strictly as a way to get attention and reassurance and will not meet any OD man IRL. It's largely a waste of time for almost any older man with the nerve to approach women IRL. IMO.]

My experience is that the men who I chose to go on dates with from old were between 35-45 ( I'm 41). So I don't have a problem with only attracting much older men. I think the fact I have a child puts off more men than my age.

I know some men are obsessed with line free, younger women, but my own experience (not dating, happily married but just based on vibes) is overall positive.

I remember when I moved to London in my early 20s, my 50 year old mum came to see me and we couldn't go anywhere without men staring at her/flirting, it was a nightmare! Even now in her 70s she gets some attention and she isn't botox/massive make up type at all.