So what are the chances of meeting a life partner at 45 ?

[darlingish]

In a nutshell met ex h at 18 and was married at 19 , had 4 dc and now at 45 I'm single !
Been separated 18 mths and started divorce proceedings.
Was very unhappy for many years and am blessed to be free now .
Met a lovely man in the spring and had my first romance and although I love him to bits and vice versa it cannot last for many reasons .
Wrong time wrong place .
When he leaves which he will early next year we will be friends for life and may well come back together one day but certainly for the next 5 years he will be on the other side of the world .
So ... I have 4 dc, 2 at home still .
I have a a demanding job .
No family support so very busy , ie up at 6 and don't stop until 11 every day as ex rarely sees his dc.
I do know that I need to be happy on my own and not rely on a man to make me happy , so that a future relationship will enhance my life not be the sole making of it iykwim.
Kind of feel like the next ten years is my time to get happy , enjoy life and my dc and do the dating I never did in my youth .
I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !
It's made me think OMG .
I know it's ok to be single but after the summer romance I've had with my lovely man friend I would so love to share the rest of my life with the right person ( pref him but hey ho ) .

So what are the odds ?
Is it really that bad out there ?

Lovely guy I know. In his forties. Separated from his wife (also in forties). 3 DC's.

He's been his girlfriend for 12 months. She's in her early twenties and is drop dead gorgeous stunning.

I laugh at him and say let me know what it's like to go back to the baby stage and getting no sleep in your 50's!!!!

He is an exception I think.....most men in their forties admire him. All Want to sleep with her. But there are a small section of men who look at him rather askance. We need to find that section of men.

Nothing really decent once I hit 30 (with 2 smalls) No-one I would have moved in let alone married! Most decent guys want child free. I still meet older guys of 50 plus who have young - and I mean young children.

"If a man is attractive, educated, employed, kind... inother words a good catch, they think they deserve someone much younger than them."

Well, yes, but similarly with women, if they're attractive etc. they think they deserve someone who is attractive, has a good job, etc. the things that are attractive in men. If this isn't going to change quickly, the solution for women is surely to 'put up with' men much older than themselves. Unless you're 115, you're a younger woman for someone. At 38, I don't really want to go out with men in their 50s, but if I really wanted a relationship I might have to. I might have to accept that a nice 45-year-old-man still hasn't given up on having children and so is looking for an under-35-year-old, or even, is looking for a younger woman just because he can.

Ugh. I can't imagine being with someone young enough to be my child. They wouldn't get my jokes, understand references to music or TV from my youth, or have the life experience or financial stability I have. In a few years I will retire to have lots of fun travelling and I want a companion to come with me not a thrusting young thing with a career. Thank God DP feels exactly the same as me!

I'm sorry gwenhywfer but I'm 37 next year and there's no way I'd consider dating a 50 yr old or even a 45 yr old.
Why as women are we led to believe we have to settle for someone so much older than ourselves.
Maybe a mid forties man does want a much younger women to have kids with but that doesn't mean he can get that.
I want someone that makes me go weak at the knees and I'm not going to get that feeling from a fifty year old bloke.
So many women on here mid 30s-40s believing there to old for love-that is still so young it makes for depressing reading.. I'm sure men don't sit there thinking sod it I'm 35 might as well give up on love I'm past it!.

My cousin met her absolute soul mate at 48, they married a couple of years later and are blissfully happy. They met in RL not OD. Pub, as far as I recall.

I don't fancy men my age.

I'm not yet divorced but as soon as I am I'll be looking to date men 5 to 15 years younger.

That said, I'll be looking for a fuckbuddy rather than a life partner so it should be a lot easier!

brokenhearted why do you think you had trouble getting a bf in my twenties and all the bfs I have had in my thirties have used me

brokenhearted you don't know why they cheated and left! You must have some thoughts on the kind of man you were attracting. For them all to be the same. Including your recent FWB.

I am never going to meet anyone. It is too late. You know I really odnt want my life anymore. I see no point in living.

That's very sad. Could you do something huge to change your life? Take a few years off and go backpacking etc. Something that will change the entire reflection of your life.

Well, yes, but similarly with women, if they're attractive etc. they think they deserve someone who is attractive, has a good job, etc. the things that are attractive in men.

Yes, of course someone who is sorted and 'a good catch' wants to meet similar.

But someone whose only qualification is 'younger' is not similar!

But I do include social workers, teachers and nurses as good catches. When I talk about being empliyed, educated and sirted, I'm not talking about multimillionaires, just regular folk.

Toosassy my now dh is that man he laughs at his friends with younger girlfriends/wives. I was mid forties long term single (15 years thought I id never settle down) he was late forties just out of a long term marriage. We met he moved in three weeks later we've been married now several years really really happy.we are very well matched in terms of income, fitness levels, work ethic, both having had children youngish. I feel incredibly lucky I thought id be single for ever.

lighteningirl that's lovely, and exactly what I meant about dating being more successful overall if men were looking for genuine compatibility and not just someone younger.

The 40+ men I know who want someone in their 20s aren't happy because they're largely unsuccessful at it! Doesn't stop them trying though.

It's absolutely reasonable to want someone matched in terms of income, fitness, lifestyle, interests. To have age as the only or main criteria sems ridiculous to me. How can that, and that alone, sustain a relationship?

Right. I only have my own experience to go on. I met my now DH at 42 and married at 45. We met outside a bar in the country in which I live/d. He was passing through with work and lived an 8 hour flight away. I was not interested in him as a 'potential' being very much emotionally involved with someone else. I actually told him I was in a relationship as I wanted to remove any notion that I was up for a ons.

Anyway, we ended up talking for 5 hours then he put me in a taxi. He had taken my number as we vaguely agreed we might meet for a pizza the next day. We didn't.

However, he kept in touch. A lot. We had loads in common but we lived continents apart. Long story short he came back to where I live so we could have a date. I visited him. We got wed just over 2 years after meeting. We were both 45, solvent, never married, no children. We were both happy being single though. I wonder if this is key. I am delighted with him and being married. BUT, I was very happy being single.

So. Clearly it IS possible to meet a good man in your 40s and beyond. It is.

I'm pretty sure that line about women in their forties being more likely to have an accident is from a film - it's something like When Harry Met Sally - and is not a real statistic at all. So whatever else is going on in dating land, don't let that get you down!

I find these threads quite frustrating, insofar as I don't know how to articulate my response. DrMobius seems to be posting along similar lines to my thoughts.

If you hold negative thoughts and attitudes then you are bound to be self-defeating in your behaviour and everything becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Which is a shame for you, but even worse for people at the start of this life stage and who are looking for guidance.

lightningirl what a lovely post.

I'll be honest, chances of meeting men in once forty+ come down to a lot of factors.

1. work, do you work in an environment where you are likely to meet men? I work in an industry that is male dominated which may help
2. Genetics, none of us can do anything about this. I know a fair few women who look much younger than they are and that always helps
3. outlook - do you have a positive outlook and are you relatively young at heart? As I've gotten older I really really appreciate people who have a cracking sense of humour and don't take themselves too seriously.
4. Physical - you don't have to be a looker with a supermodel bod (although am sure it helps), but do you take pride in your appearance? Do you dress well? Little things like keeping nails neat, decent haircut. We all know what I mean. Taking the time to do the little things that make us feel sexy and great about ourselves. doing those things makes us more confident which in turn makes us more sexy.

I dunno. I guess I just hope that between being myself and getting out there, I will meet someone. I'm not actually that keen yet (at all!) but for me it's early days and am sure it will change.

A friend of mine in her mid to late 40s dumped her cheating Dh. She started online dating only a few weeks later and the first bloke she met she hit it off with big time. He was a divorcee (don't know why), but they got married within 18 months. He has his own successful business, massive house, is kind, all his own teeth and hair. She's still madly in love and very, very happy.

I have a friend who got divorced at 40 and met a new man OD about 2 years later. She has 3 children, he is divorced with 2 children, end 40s.
They've been together for about 3 years now and are very happy.

OP, nobody can predict if you will find someone again, it depends so very much on you, your attitude, and a lot of it depends on chance.

I met my DH on holiday, when I was a teenager and with someone else. We had a connection and three years later we got together. That's 23 years ago. We had no idea if we were compatible, we were very young.

Relationships are imo about compatibility. You need to compromise in a relationship, so if you are able to compromise without losing the love, and respect for yourself, and that is mutual, it's a good match.

Don't think you will never meet anyone again. The most important bit is that you don't compromise too much to have a man. Then you will at least be able to give the users a swerve. And there are lots of normal, decent men out there unless you live somewhere on a remote Scottish island so there will be one for you.

One of my friends is bloody lovely, single, and 46. He is in a very good job and is regularly offered promotions. He is kind, funny, and divorced because his wife was a serial cheat. He has raised his two children alone and is a bloody fantastic father. DP and I have tried to set him up several times but he has found so far that the women he has dated have been very jealous of his school age children (they often have older children) and so hasn't met anyone special. I would love him to meet someone.

PS my friend dumped her cheating husband, and her new partner divorced because his wife cheated on him.

The 40+ men I know who want someone in their 20s aren't happy because they're largely unsuccessful at it!

^this. We are all allowed our preferences, doesn't mean they will come to fruition.

I used to know a guy who always asked out the best looking girl in the room (despite always getting knocked back). When I asked why he did this, he said he only needs one to say yes.

But I do include social workers, teachers and nurses as good catches, it's all personal choice. Personally a social worker or teacher would have to look like Pamela Anderson for me to be interested in them