So what are the chances of meeting a life partner at 45 ?

[darlingish]

In a nutshell met ex h at 18 and was married at 19 , had 4 dc and now at 45 I'm single !
Been separated 18 mths and started divorce proceedings.
Was very unhappy for many years and am blessed to be free now .
Met a lovely man in the spring and had my first romance and although I love him to bits and vice versa it cannot last for many reasons .
Wrong time wrong place .
When he leaves which he will early next year we will be friends for life and may well come back together one day but certainly for the next 5 years he will be on the other side of the world .
So ... I have 4 dc, 2 at home still .
I have a a demanding job .
No family support so very busy , ie up at 6 and don't stop until 11 every day as ex rarely sees his dc.
I do know that I need to be happy on my own and not rely on a man to make me happy , so that a future relationship will enhance my life not be the sole making of it iykwim.
Kind of feel like the next ten years is my time to get happy , enjoy life and my dc and do the dating I never did in my youth .
I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !
It's made me think OMG .
I know it's ok to be single but after the summer romance I've had with my lovely man friend I would so love to share the rest of my life with the right person ( pref him but hey ho ) .

So what are the odds ?
Is it really that bad out there ?

@this: I want to see you after work Thursday, that's what about trim fit pleasant 40somethings. And I'm trim fit prosperous all that. But I'm mid-50's so you're not interested. Okay. I can live with that. How to get the 40something man with lots on the ball? I don't know. He wants a 30something and, because he has lots on the ball, he can get her. It's not fun or happy news but, as I see it, you can get an older top-shelf man, or one of like age who's objectively less desirable. I do wish you well.

@this: mine was very happy, thank you, caring for and living her husband and children. I see a lot of unmarried career women with a lot of choices and a lot of loneliness and unhappiness. Progress isn't all good or all bad.

*loving

The problem here is that there isn't much any of us over 45s can do if it is fact that 45+ men prefer to date younger women. I doubt that it is down to size. We can moan about it but really the answer is to be confident and happy and see if you can meet men in RL such as meet ups, walking clubs etc if OD doesn't suit. I like tall, slim, over 45s with their own hair but I don't see many of them on POF :-)

Lose some weight? Manohman. Ive lost TEN STONE. Im married to a man 23 years my senior . Ive been with him for 23 years.

I worked damn fucking hard to lose that weight and its well documented on my posting history.

There is a taxi driver in my local town who has made no secret of the fact of what he thought of me when i was bigger. Apparently im a knockout now. hes huge though.....but i guess thats ok for him because he has a penis.

DH is not a well man and our relationship has not been physical for many years.......which actually goes back to before he got ill.

This was a problem for me at one time. After the first big initial weight loss i had a long term affair. Then DH got ill.

I regained 4 stone due to becoming his carer. I have lost that 4 stone regain over the past two years. Its taken a lot longer to lose the weight this time.

DH can no longer be physical and now i dont want sex anymore either Why? Because ive worked fucking hard to lose that weight REALLY FUCKING HARD! I dont want to take contraception. The Mini Pill bloated me in the past and the contraceptive injection made weight loss harder. Obvs i wont risk pregnancy either. a too much a risk of weight gain and b. ive never wanted children. Contraception really fucks up my system weight wise EVEN WHEN STICKING TO PLAN.

So i wont risk sex anymore with anyone as ive worked so hard to lose the weight.

So if you want to pressure women to be a certain weight go ahead but do be careful what you wish for!!!

@lore said: "what can this magic woman do that no man could possibly do - assuming you are not referring to anything tawdry, lol."

Well, if by "tawdry" you mean "sex," yes that's certainly part of it. In essence, I mean I want a comfort, not another challenge. I get plenty of the latter in trying to make a living, build wealth, keep fit, etc.

All best to you.

man choice is the important part. A thing men have enjoyed since forever.
You can be extremely lonely in an unhappy marriage. You can be extremely happy alone. And all that comes Inbetween. Because of choice.

Wally, I'm glad for you that you've met someone really decent, who appreciates you. I agree with this "And I think I had to make this journey to really appreciate someone like him." As shitty as it is going through the bad experiences, they do make you appreciate the good times more.

Personally, I'm quite happy on my own. The most miserable I've been was when I was in a relationship that was not right for me. In an ideal world I would like a partner who is supportive, a good friend, and likes having lots of really filthy sex. If that doesn't happen, it doesn't. I have a good career, friends, family, hobbies. I like who I am. If I can find someone to share that, without me feeling I have to bend to breaking point to achieve it, fine. If it doesn't happen, meh, the rest of my life is good.

My mother managed a good balance between career and family life. She was always the major breadwinner and my dad contributed in other ways. You do have to find the right man to do this though. As for the wrong ones, they can bugger off. I'm not interested. That's the great thing about giving women choices - they can choose to be on their own. And given that unmarried women are on average healthier than married women, I suspect they're better off that way.

@itis: You're right. I think IRL works much better for both men and women who are past their 30's. And I think there are lots of men, like me, who are perfectly willing to consider fit, pleasant women of any age.

@helena: Congratulations on your weight loss. I needed to - and did - lose only about two stone. Most people have no idea how difficult it is, both the doing and the maintaining. I'm sorry for your other troubles, I hope things look up. I am NOT "pressuring" women to lose weight. As I've said, we're all free agents to do as we will. I merely suggest that if a woman wants to find a good man in an age range that suits her, she will be ill-equipped to do so if she is larger than her competition.

Best to you both.

OP There is definitely hope. I'm early 50s have three children and was not looking for another relationship after my ltr ended (20+yrs) but I think that what happened was that my mindset changed hugely once I felt free again. I felt alive and was looking for fun, laughs and a good time. I attracted an amazing (to me) amount of attention from mostly but not just, slightly older men.
I wasn't online dating btw just gadding about and enjoying going out with friends.
In my case I found that experience taught me to value good qualities in a man not good looks, a fat wallet or an amazing gym body. Narcissism and arrogance would have turned me right off but I have more tolerance now for human frailties, chequered pasts and bad habits. If there is humility and some self awareness of past mistakes then I can forgive a lot.
My now partner is older than me. We appreciate each other so much and our maturity enables us to be very honest, forgiving and tolerant. We are both also much more able to learn from each other.
I wish you luck in your future.

Manohman Our mothers and grandmothers wernt happy. My mum was brought up in post war Italy and did the back breaking labour in the fields.

Ive just finished reading City of Sin London and its Vices by Catharine Arnold. Covers the sexual history of London from the Roman slave girls right through to the 1960s 70s 80s and mentions stuff that happened as recently as 2009.

No our mothers grandmothers great grandmothers wernt happy.

manohman those women you saw in workout clothes who you said were overweight.

Did it not occur to you that as they were in workout clothes that they were already very likely doing something about it

I found a study several years ago that had a very worrying conclusion. They found that some of the women suffering breast cancer were refusing to take or finish their course of Tamoxifen because they were worried about the weight gain.

I saw a blog post recently where the writer talked about how her aunt died at the age of 49. She had refused a mastectomy because she was scared her husband would leave her.

And then when women question these expectations of men the same men then insist the pressure isnt coming from them.......its coming from womens magazines.

@helena: They should come back when they've made more progress. Look, I can't and won't be responsible for women's weight issues. What are you proposing, that I somehow find a way to be attracted to fat women? No. I wouldn't do that even if I could, and I can't. Strong, independent women, own your decisions and the consequences of your actions! Do whatever you want, get fat, get thin, take your medicine or not. Heed my suggestions if you want to date me, otherwise exercise the choice people keep mentioning. Not my problem.

Gin I felt the same. Free. I went out to have a laugh with mates. Looking for a man was not on the agenda. It was great.
If this relationship doesn't pan out. I will do it all over again. Both my children have flown the nest now. It will be even better !

manohman
As you keep coming back for more, I'm starting to think you have a fondness for feisty women.

Manohman If you were in a relationship with a slim woman and she gained weight through illness and/or medication would you stay or leave.

manohman - "I suspect if you're old enough to be interested in this thread, you know what femininity looks like."

um, not really, I don't deal in concepts of masculinity and femininity so I always ask for clarification. I could be making a complete ass-umption about what you mean when you say "feminine" but you're keen not to clarify it so I'm a bit baffled. Your reference to previous generations of women leads me to assume that it's not something that benefits women frankly.

I probably should go away, I was just interested in the thread. But it is a shame if there are a lot of men out there who would refer back to grandmothers for happiness.

I suppose my grandma would have been supervising the family dinner at 6pm on a Tuesday. She'd be glad that in the 21st century, I can earn my own living, cook my own dinner while singing along to Macklemore on the stereo and spend my evening as I please Just a pity there are still men out there who think her life was better than mine

wowjustwow to quote manoham......

NO WAY would I go back in time to my mother's generation, never mind my grandmothers!

At least we are free. That is no small thing! That outweighs a million other things. Imagine swapping freedom for a bit more approval from men!?

We are, on this thread, discussing the likelihood of meeting somebody but from what I can gather, we're all happy, independent, content. who in their right mind would swap that to go back to the days where you were shamed for having a drink, or having a relationship with a man not your husband, or laughing out loud, or a million other misdemeanours that would set tongues wagging.

My BMi is 23 which is 'slim' but I guess there are some men who would say that's not slim enough. If I got slimmer, my breasts would totally disappear. Then I could have nye breasts! but wait, men only like 'natural women'

Reading these posts about femininity and sweet dispositions, wow, it compounds my inclination to avoid older men.

Gosh thinking of my grandmothers... One died of anorexia nervosa aged 72 stemming from depression... One hated her husband who had an affair for 20 years but was not allowed divorce...not exactly the picture of family bliss...

Slightfox my breasts are the one place where i find it hard to lose weight. Ive lost weight off everywhere else. Ive now got a v. small back supporting larger breasts. But part of that is genetic My paternal grandmother was the same.

I know, my maternal grandmother had 8 children, well, 9, one died. The other grandma had fewer children and more money but she still died very young. The idea that these women were happier because they had husbands, wow, the distorted assumptions about women are just too breath taking to set straight.

Well, I met up with the younger man earlier (2 years younger). And he is not fat or bald, or short. It went very well. We're seeing each other again. He wouldn't be repulsed by a woman's strength. It wasn't about his having hair, teeth, a flat torso. We started communicating and it was very easy. Even though manoham is horrified by androgyny, I think androgynous men make good partners.

I think manoham is funny, the way he finishes every post in a passive aggressive way, implying that fifty five year old men like himself aren't obliged to please those old hasbeens in their forties!

As another poster upthread said, who are these women who'll go out with men a decade + older? Is it happening? (I mean, apart from when the man is wealthy and deludes himself that the 25 year old loves him for him)

ps

"all best"

The trophy wife is alive and kicking. Too many are deluding themselves that they can afford her......dream on.

Ah well there is always Lycra and a road bike

I've got the road bike. Prefer natural fibres to lycra though

manohman "sweet disposition" cringe!
Luckily, from my experience, you are not a good representative of the older male mentality. I think you have an extremely limited view of women.
All the best.