So what are the chances of meeting a life partner at 45 ?

[darlingish]

In a nutshell met ex h at 18 and was married at 19 , had 4 dc and now at 45 I'm single !
Been separated 18 mths and started divorce proceedings.
Was very unhappy for many years and am blessed to be free now .
Met a lovely man in the spring and had my first romance and although I love him to bits and vice versa it cannot last for many reasons .
Wrong time wrong place .
When he leaves which he will early next year we will be friends for life and may well come back together one day but certainly for the next 5 years he will be on the other side of the world .
So ... I have 4 dc, 2 at home still .
I have a a demanding job .
No family support so very busy , ie up at 6 and don't stop until 11 every day as ex rarely sees his dc.
I do know that I need to be happy on my own and not rely on a man to make me happy , so that a future relationship will enhance my life not be the sole making of it iykwim.
Kind of feel like the next ten years is my time to get happy , enjoy life and my dc and do the dating I never did in my youth .
I read on the internet that apparently a woman finding a life partner in her mid forties is more likely to be killed in an accident !
It's made me think OMG .
I know it's ok to be single but after the summer romance I've had with my lovely man friend I would so love to share the rest of my life with the right person ( pref him but hey ho ) .

So what are the odds ?
Is it really that bad out there ?

@slight said:

"So comments from manoham make me roll my eyes. "i mostly date younger women, without apology''. That is the same as feeling entitled to a younger woman."

Well, if that's how you want to see it. As I said, I am looking forward to a date this week with a slightly older woman who has a nice face, figure, and disposition, Maybe I'm entitled to her too.

I'll take a guess and say you have preferences in men, like age or weight or height or income or whatever. Should I roll my eyes at your sense of entitlement to such a man?

Oh Lor' just came back to this thread and now am more depressed than ever.

I know some women who refuse to date men under 6ft. They themselves are either
a) 5ft 8 and want a man who is taller than they are when they wear heels
b) under 5ft 6 and want to feel protected

Of course, a man of 5ft 10 could be black belt in a martial art and be a fabulous protector, but will not be considered.

But that is their preference or prerogative and they are entitled to it.

no, I've no preference really, as I said, I'm looking for a connection and a man intelligent enough, and emotional enough (?) to VALUE that above just purely being able to date the youngest woman he can 'get'.

I do like intelligent, educated men but as I don't have a degree myself, I don't feel entitled to that. It just often seems to work out that way. I'm looking for intelligence, and intelligent men are much more likely to 'get' me and much more likely to enjoy my company, so that "entitlement'' of mine has not been the stumbling block for me.

I guess my type is men who are LIKE ME. That oughtn't to be such a huge stumbling box but it is.

And manohmam, good luck with the younger women. Glad to hear she has a nice ''disposition''. How very Jane Austen.

man there is no way you are playing football and running 'with da kidz'.

And it makes me wonder why you have divorced. Did your ex have the same 'me' time? I would never date a bloke who only had pictures of him on his bike (and believe me there are a lot of them).

Just an ordinary bloke with ordinary likes but they are the keepers

oh well that's not me! I'd date a short man. If he was not overweight.. YOu have to allow me that..

StillDr YOu're the one tarring all women with the same brush now.

@slight said:

"[Men doing OD think] they're in a sweet shop. They don't have the self-awareness to think, ok, what can I offer?"

I wouldn't be surprised but I don't know because I don't read men's profiles. But go read some women's profiles. They're this on steroids, 379-point checklists of what they want (are entitled to?) in a man, and nothing or next to it on what they bring to the deal. Some brag about being "challenging" or about how they can't or won't cook. Good luck to them.

It'sbetternow I haven't met anybody awful either. I don't want anybody to be depressed to read my very honest account. Don't be put off trying. Just, don't expect men your OWN age to be interested, that's all I'm saying.

I only met one man who was off-puttingly entitled and I brought that experience on myself and I admit that. His profile detailed in great detail his ideal woman and I was mocking him when I messaged him to say 'she sounds lovely''. We ended up going out, even though I had an intuition he was entitled and a bit pompous. So on that occasion I ignroed my gut feeling.

But even he wasn't rude or lechy or anything. It was just kind of dull. He had a very clear idea of what he expected a woman to be without having given any thought to who he was himself. He was stillDr a tall man, btw, so don't try and pigeon hole me as shallow! as though I'm to blame for being ignored on line!!

Still no, I am NOT tarring all women with the same brush, because I clearly said "I KNOW SOME women".

I say "some" and not "all" and I chose the word "know" because I am referring to my personal experience with women that I actually KNOW.

And I clearly say that those women are perfectly entitled to have such preferences.

Men want women to be line free, fragrant, fit, and fabulous.

They don't want them to be fat.

Unfortunately, they themselves are outraged when height, weight, and age comes into it.

@slight:

There's the gist of the difference: you want someone like you, I like women very different from me, feminine to compliment my masculine. And a sweet disposition is feminine, if old-fashioned. No shame or apology.

@elendon: You can believe or not, that's fine, but I play on two different teams, both with my 24-yo son. I'm divorced because my ex wanted nothing but me time. She had no interest in being a wife, once the kids came. I finally decided I'd rather be alone with a chance for a connection than married with none.

Elendon. No, WE don't. SOME do.

I don't want someone who is line free. Look at Nicole Kidman, currently Botoxed to high heaven in the meerkat commercial. No thanks, give me lines anyday.

For me a connection and chemistry is much more important than looks. If you lined my exes in a row you would see they all look completely different from each other.
And if i was single yes i would date a short man if there was a connection.

And you cant gauge chemistry through a computer screen.

@elendon said:

"[Men] are outraged when height, weight, and age comes into it."

Not men who can think clearly. I have preferences, so do you. We have every right to pursue what and who we want, and to succeed or fail. Good luck to all.

So much of the convo here is "S/he would be so much more successful in dating if s/he dated people s/he isn't attracted to." That's success?

True Elendon!!

And I'm NOT fat. I healthy too. But I still end up being accused of all sorts on line because I dare to acknowledge that men are entitled on line.

It's hardly groundbreaking news. Dunno why they're putting so much energy in to demonising me. I guess that's easier than saying, yeh, busted, most men lack self-awareness when it comes to dating.

omg, just read this " a sweet disposition is feminine". Wow. What age ARE you? in your late 70s?

It's easier to be ''feminine' when you're not faced with appalling sexism, that's for certain! I'm very sweet natured with a man who is capable of having an equal relationship.

Strewth, I haven't got a cat in hell's chance.

Single life for me then.

Is that the royal 'we' Still? So you do notice when someone has had work done?

Man there is no way you can keep up with your 24 year old while playing football. unless he's overweight and unfit the rest of your post makes no sense.

I've had sex recently with an overweight man (10 years younger than me). It was great. But I dumped him because he was jealous of my physic and wanted to know if I spent a lot of time in the gym, I don't.

"So much of the convo here is "S/he would be so much more successful in dating if s/he dated people s/he isn't attracted to." That's success?"

Well, true, I guess that's the really, really, really sad, depressing crux of the matter for women. Imagine if men were faced with this?! Imagine if a man's only chance of success dating was to date a woman ten years older. Regardless of all other things being equal.

StillDr, I hope your profile reflects your view that a woman's femininity should compliment your masculinity!!! And that a sweet disposition is feminine! Women should really be forewarned there!

Still I do not understand why you are having a go at me. All I have done in this thread is point out that ALL OF US, women and men, are entitled to whatever preferences we have and that it is simply not true - or fair - for women to blatantly say "ALL MEN are X" or "ALL MEN do Y".

I believe I said earlier on that I no longer partake of OLD, so I do not have a profile and at no point have I mentioned anything about what I expect a woman to have or not have, or anything about a sweet disposition. I believe another poster may have.

Seth can i ask why you jacked in OLD. Obvs you dont have to say and i apologize if you already have and ive missed it.

@slight, men and women are different. But that's just my appallingly sexist opinion.

By the way, what's the difference between "nice disposition" and "very sweet nature"? You brag about having a trait, I'm sexist (and god knows what else) for wanting that very thing.

Oh yes, It was manohmam who said that. Apologies.

I do think though that your outrage is misplaced. Obviously women are going to go on line and notice that the pool of men is small, when even men up to ten years older consider them ''too old'' and on line dating allows that. So, you can assure us all that you're not like that blah blah blah but your outrage that women notice how it is for them on line, and to disagree so vehemently with that, bit weird.

Oh wow, manohmam well, I hope you find what you're looking for. She might be in a catalogue living in a very hot country right now though.

I like a man with an androgynous mind. By that I mean a man who is very aware of his thoughts and can discuss them. The kind of man who doesn't believe women are different/inferior or more obliged than men are to be ''sweet natured''. The sort of man you can have a real conversation with because he treats like a person. Not a part. The part of Sweet Natured. That is actually a bit nawshuss.

Helena - I'm not sure if I mentioned it on this thread or another, so apologies if I am repeating myself a bit. As a childfree by choice man, I accept my dating pool is small but it really was tiny, even casting my net 75 miles away. I mentioned my childfree status politely on my profile and never messaged anyone who had children or indicated they wanted children. Yet I received messages from women telling me to fuck off because "all decent women want children so you must clearly be here just to get laid". I also had women saying that I was precisely what they were looking for "if only you'd change your mind about kids. Surely you'd change your mind for the right man?" When I asked how they would feel if I said that to them, they sort of realised it was probably a daft thing to say.

I know genuine, decent guys who would happily have kids, or be a stepfather send out hundreds of messages (not silly cut and paste but proper ones) and get maybe 1 reply in 100. Because the women outnumber the men on sites and can afford to either be very selective (which they are entitled to be) or because they get so many messages, they simply can't read them all, so a lot of guys get "lost in the wash" as it was.

I know tens of people (mostly women) who have used it but only two who have had relationships lasting beyond three months. Of course it's luck and I do think depends hugely where you are located. But at the end of the day, for the paid sites, it's about money. It's in their interests for you NOT to find someone to keep you paying - which is why the paid sites have often be proved to have fake profiles to snare you back in when you want to leave.

Of course, it will work for some people. But the odds aren't in your favour. It's an additional option.