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Original poster

Support thread for old

153 replies

kateshair · 18/10/2015 08:42

Hi all I've done old for a year now.
Have experienced highs and lows several lows !!
Had dates with no connection whatsoever regardless of getting on well via the site. Had a date with bang instant chemistry. Had dates that have turned into a relationship (so I thought ) only to have then simply disengage with me...
I'm coming close to pulling the plug on it all. Not sure it helps that I'm the ripe old age of 40.. Last time I was single was 29 and within six months had meet someone ...
Am finding the men on old go for or hope to go for women ten years younger than them..
What do you all think...
Would be nice to have a place to vent and discuss this all. The dating thread seems to be quiet of late..

OP posts:
CocoPlum · 26/10/2015 20:07

Well, I've had a few dates over the last couple of weeks. One who I've been messaging quite a bit, he's said he found me attractive, but in such a way that I said I felt quite thrown by how open he was about it and that I was fighting the urge to just say "don't be so ridiculous"...and as a result I've fucked it all up as he's read.my latest whatsapp message, been online, but stopped messaging me. I feel like such a bloody idiot. It's only been one date, I'm glad I'm not dealing with several.months of seeing someone with them disappearing as a PP (sorry I can't see who right now!) has dealt with. to that poster, what a cockwomble he is.

There's another I've been texting since we went out last weekend. He was lovely but while we clicked and got on well there's no spark on my side. We're going out again this weekend so we'll see, but I can't see myself wanting anything physical with him.

Movingout · 26/10/2015 22:28

Justaboy you absolutely right, I hope I get dumped by someone like you next time! There's a lot to be said for straight talking and honesty.

Movingout · 26/10/2015 22:55

Just one more thing, the only OLD site that I have tried in Tinder, is this where I'm going wrong? What other sites would other people recommend?

WavingNotDrowning · 27/10/2015 06:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
kateshair · 30/10/2015 09:26

Hi all ?? Waving did he contact you on the site ??
I've got date five with new one later.. Do like him in a steady sort of way, don't of course really know him yet but would like to..
Am so aware that he could be dating others !!! I'm not u can't be arsed with it.. Hmm think I will ask him if he is.. What you all think ?

OP posts:
sparklyDMs · 30/10/2015 13:57

Hi, Kateshair, think it may be worth a casual question - hope the date goes well.
I've lurked a bit on here, hope ok to get something off my chest iyswim. I was talking to a younger guy about a trip abroad that he's about to go on, I did the same trip a few years ago.

The conversation eventually led to him asking for a hook up. For various reasons, it's not for me, however, I must be lonelier than I thought, because I'm actually giving it serious considerationShock. He's 21yrs younger than me, I've only been with my ex in the last 25 yrs!
Give me a slap please someone!

unicorn501 · 30/10/2015 15:15

Hi everyone! Kateshair I'm in the same position, date 5 coming up at the weekend. I really like him, and I'm not seeing anyone else. I really don't think he is either, but we haven't talked about exclusivity and I don't really know how to bring it up! Hmm...

sparkly I can see why you were tempted, why not just give it a go?! You never know... Wink

Blossomflowers · 30/10/2015 16:56

Hi everyone, so what is on the cards this weekeend? Bugger all for me back to sqaure one again, gonna take a step back for a bit. Well until someone lovely comes along lol. Chatting to a couple of Tinder but that is all

niceupthedance · 30/10/2015 18:47

I've also got date 5 this weekend.

Kate I'd ask him. He can either say yes or no. I don't think it's too early if everything has been easy and you like him.

unicorn501 · 31/10/2015 08:51

So, wise daters, how do you bring up the subject of whether they're dating other people?!

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 31/10/2015 11:45

Did it, never again. And I'm a guy. My single female friends who've tried it wouldn't do it again.

Remember, aside from any free ones like Tindr or POF, the paid sites are in it for the MONEY. They are a business and we are a commodity. If we all met people their business would end. This is why so many of the paid sites have been proved to use fake profiles.

LesserOfTwoWeevils · 31/10/2015 13:37

Reading with envy...I live in a very small faraway place, and there doesn't seem to be anyone from here on the OLD site I joined, and there aren't any local ones.

I was hoping for at least a friendly Hmm message or two...but I've got a few likes and that's it. Not a word.

Worse yet, it's made me feel terrible—old and unattractive, even though I keep telling myself it's really the distance that's the issue.

Justaboy · 31/10/2015 23:11

Well now. I have been thinking of doing OLD probably early next year but I was just perusing through a dating site, like you do, to see what's on the go and lo and behold i see a lady very close by in area and she looks very promising.

So much so I subscribe and even better she ticks all the boxes that are important to me. Now this is very interesting. After having a long marriage to someone much younger this lady is mid fifties. No problem with that and I'm in her requested age range.

Now her photos show someone who looks very young for her advertised age. Now she describes what she does quite well and there are very few places that do that line of work locally, and i have a spy on that outfits website and well well!. There's a lady who's the spitting image except she now does look mid fifties but even so shes bloody attractive for her age but that's not the real issue. Why has she used pictures what must have been taken some 10 to 15 or more years ago?.

She doesn't need them, but surely ladies don't do this sort of thing.

Do they?.

Justaboy · 31/10/2015 23:29

StillDrSethHazlittMD Just noticed your comments. Can you say why you gave up on it?. I can understand the women getting pissed of with those who are cheating on their partners and are not single and who just want a ONS etc etc, but to find a man saying its bad can you elaborate please?.

Handywoman · 01/11/2015 01:10

Ok so, I have a prior-arranged date with a guy (arranged a week or so ago). I thought he seemed 'OK' but he has been a bit of a plodder, communication wise. He said he has 'been on a few online dates and don't expect too much' - fair enough but it didn't exactly endear me to him. I prefer people who sound a bit more keen (though wary appearances can be deceptive). But date arranged and still stands for Fri.

Since then a farrrrrrr more interesting and keen-sounding person has come along. He sounds more on my wavelength. I now wished I didn't have anything planned for Friday so I could see him (I work alt weekends and have kids so weekends are v precious).

Do I bump the other guy off for this one? Or should I somehow meet them both? I could prob get s last-min babysitter for a thurs date with the keen chap....

But my kids are at their dad in fri which is miles better but that's taken by the other one

Should I see the first guy 7pm and the second 8:15pm? Or is that utter madness????? I'm only half joking here......

Someone please slap me!!!!

ShebaShimmyShake · 01/11/2015 07:46

Justaboy, reread your age-obsessed post and how you seize the opportunity YET AGAIN to mention you had a younger wife And then your stupid fake innocence pretending not to know why she's using old pics . God you are tiresome. Do this pretty lady a favour and don't message her.

sparklyDMs · 01/11/2015 09:19

Handy woman - ask the plodder if he will swap to Thursday as something's come up, you don't have to elaborate..

StillDrSethHazlittMD · 01/11/2015 16:19

Justaboy Well, my profile was very upfront about not wanting kids etc (not in any rude way) but I received messages from women I hadn't contacted telling me to fuck off because all decent women wanted kids and I was clearly not interested in a relationship but only there to shag around. As already said, I knew my pool would be small so I was not sending messages to loads and loads of women but any childfree women upto 5 years older and 5 years younger than me in a 75 mile radius (had to cast the net that wide due to location and the childfree thing). I went on two dates in 18 months.

I think, from speaking to other men (not childfree) is that they send out loads of messages and are lucky to get one reply in 50. In many cases, the odds are much higher and they might send 100 messages and only get one reply. Presumably because the women get so many messages from guys (because there are far more women on these sites than man) they can be incredibly selective or simply have far more messages than they can cope with (my female friends who have tried OLD back this up). Unfortunately, as there are a lot of arseholes on OLD, the decent guys tend to give up because they get lost in the mix.

unicorn501 · 01/11/2015 16:20

Handy Woman, ditch the first guy and see the second one on Friday. At least that's what I'd do!

Handywoman · 01/11/2015 17:08

Thanks Unicorn and Sparkly Wink

autumnsmiles · 01/11/2015 17:12

Hello - can I join in please?

After a 22 year marriage and two x 2yr relationships I'm single again, and have been for four months. So, having exhausted the pool of local men, I think I'm just about ready to venture into the murky world of OLD.

Question - how does PoF actually work? I've got my profile all set up to go, but hidden it while I try and find photos in which I'm not wearing sunglasses/pyjamas/onesie. PoF was recommended by a few people who have had varying degrees of success.

How will I know if anyone wants to get in touch with me? Having studied this and other OLD threads carefully, I think I will do the waiting rather than make the first move, just wondered how people actually contacted each other.

So nervous about taking the plunge, feel as if I'm putting myself on eBay!

Support and encouragement will be most welcome!

Blossomflowers · 02/11/2015 10:35

Welcome Autum Are ready for OLD? you are very recently single, I only ask this as you need have skin as thick as Rhino. It is tough. I have been doing it for nearly 2 years and still not found the one, though I think I might be a fussy git. Not suffering fools at my age I guess

Justaboy · 03/11/2015 12:00

ShebaShimmyShake Can I just disabuse you of the notion that I'm age "obsessed" I'm not quite as seemingly shallow as you might think. I'm not that bothered these days with anyone's age the things I'm more into looking at are how you get on with anyone as that, after all, is all that's really important.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Thanks for your comments all in well not that shall we say encouraging. Seems to me that there is a lot of dross passing through in these sites and it might well be better if some of them were moderated as such. Not a bit unlike in the way dating /marriage agencies were that used to be around.

For a start some checks that the person isn't already married or attached';!.

ShebaShimmyShake · 03/11/2015 21:27

Oh good God Justaboy, please go away.

autumnsmiles · 03/11/2015 23:35

Well, I took the plunge and having filtered out approximately 90%, am now 'properly' messaging four, with the rest on the backburner

Mr Old is a little full on, full of compliments and wants to meet at the weekend, 10 years older so not sure.... Mr Wood is local and seems lovely, but maybe a bit close to home? Mr Glasses can be a little hard work with his one word answers, but seems worth persevering with, and texted goodnight with kisses tonight, which was nice. Finally Mr Red writes massive messages, seems genuine though, and very complimentary

Realise I do need to meet them sooner rather than later - is the weekend too soon? Only been a few days, don't want to come across as desperate although I do need some physical attention sooner rather than later

What does everyone think?

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