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Original poster

Support thread for old

153 replies

kateshair · 18/10/2015 08:42

Hi all I've done old for a year now.
Have experienced highs and lows several lows !!
Had dates with no connection whatsoever regardless of getting on well via the site. Had a date with bang instant chemistry. Had dates that have turned into a relationship (so I thought ) only to have then simply disengage with me...
I'm coming close to pulling the plug on it all. Not sure it helps that I'm the ripe old age of 40.. Last time I was single was 29 and within six months had meet someone ...
Am finding the men on old go for or hope to go for women ten years younger than them..
What do you all think...
Would be nice to have a place to vent and discuss this all. The dating thread seems to be quiet of late..

OP posts:
Blossomflowers · 22/10/2015 13:19

oh and 10 years older yikes.

Handywoman · 22/10/2015 14:44

Yeah nice there's sweet and then a very thin line and then it could be needy/too full-on/raging people-pleaser/no backbone/immature/rebounding (delete as appropriate)

If it's wrong it's wrong.

I do have a type, looks wise, but I'm disregarding that nowadays. My type is more body-wise, now. I simple cannot fancy someone overweight.

Shallow? Moi? Who knew!!!

Original poster
kateshair · 22/10/2015 20:32

Hi all so glad we are keeping this thread rolling !!
It makes me feel like I'm not so alone in my search and my many disastrous dates..

When I first signed up for old I truly thought oh I will meet someone nice within a few months Grin.
Hmm I'm thinking that is very rare. I do know of a lady whom I work with who struck lucky and married hers !
For me have found the more chemistry I thought I have had with someone the worst the outcome Shock.. And it's the charm that they turn on, also the future gazing.. If and when I get further along with the next one I will be checking in to see exactly where they feel/ want us to go as I'm looking back and thinking that was my last mistake thinking I was playing it cool when I most definitely wasn't..
Oh and what are scammers ?? Who do you know they are ??

OP posts:
Elliementalmydearwatson · 23/10/2015 10:18

Well I can only answer for myself but the ones I have spotted as scammers all seem to have the same life story; currently abroad with the forces, widowed with a young son - honestly it's laughable, I've had about 4/5 with this story contact me and you tend to get a bit hmm after the second guy gives you this story!!

I've also noticed they try to get you to go off site very quickly Yahoo messenger and Viber seems to be their preferred methods of communication.

I've noticed too that they rarely fill out any extra info on their profiles, just the basics and when they message something just seems off about the tone like English is their second language IYSWIM and are just too gushing in general.

I've had a fair few as i'm guessing that at my age they think I must be desperate for any male attention lol

It's annoying as I've reported a few to Match but you never get any feedback from them as to whether they were fake or not.

Blossomflowers · 23/10/2015 10:23

Kate I thought the same when I started OLD. Thought I would go out on a few dates and meet the one. Oh no here I am 2 years later going on date after date. Ho hum. RE body type I cannot stand skinny men. Hope tonight's dates turns out to be a good one. But not hopeful

paulapompom · 23/10/2015 14:00

Good luck Blossom x

Wondering where waving has got to, hoping she had a good date the other night

WavingNotDrowning · 23/10/2015 14:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

paulapompom · 23/10/2015 14:38

Ooh tricky! Glad you are ok though, when I saw you hadn't posted I was getting a bit concerned - wondered whether to call 101!

I am very crap at relationships but I think a second date might clarify things a bit x

niceupthedance · 24/10/2015 07:53

How did it go blossom?

Original poster
kateshair · 24/10/2015 11:42

Yes how did it go blossom ??

I've got date four tonight with mr nice I will call him.. He's lovely but I'm not sure we have a spark ! Ahh but the ones I have felt a spark with turned out to be ghoster s..
Will go and will see...
Am messaging Someone else he wants us to chat on the phone .. T b h I'd rather just meet as then you just know.. Hmm what you all think ?

OP posts:
Movingout · 24/10/2015 20:34

I met somebody on tinder 6 months ago and have been seeing him ever since. He lives 50 miles away so it's been a little infrequent but we have had some nice weekends away etc. He's late 50s, 6 years older than me, I've enjoyed his company and he did make me laugh but he 's short, fat and bald. He is the only person I've been out with since the end of my 20 year marriage 3 years ago. Anyway, for no apparent reason he has suddenly stopped calling, is not responding to my texts or messages and I am so upset, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. I'm a very normal person and had he called me to say he no longer wanted to see me for whatever reason, I would have accepted this. The last conversation we had everything was fine but having no definitive ending is very hard. Can somebody please tell me why men do this and how long will it take me to recover?

Justaboy · 24/10/2015 22:22

Movingout So just to clarify he just stopped like that?, no apology no sorry its not working out text or letter even, does anyone write letters anymore?.

Well in my opinion your better off without someone like that, that's just plain rude and unmannered. What amounts to a prat in my book.

I don't know why men do this these days, it seems to me its all too easy in a way dating someone has just seemingly become a throwaway commodity something is going very wrong somewhere with the way we interact.

if that were me and i didn't want to be with the lady anymore I'd just tell her i know she might be a bit upset but at least she'd know where she stood.

If someone didn't see any future with me then I'd expect her to tell me that's the decent thing to do.

Just why cannot people do that its not difficult a phone call or if you haven't got the guts to do that then the easy way out a text takes hardly any effort. Its someone else's life you've interacted with surely you owe them the,dunno really effort?, is it just too much to do that?.

sparklyDMs · 24/10/2015 22:33

Movingout - do you think he is married? May explain the sudden loss of contact? Whatever the situation it's a shitty way to treat youThanks

Movingout · 24/10/2015 23:16

No, been divorced for over a year. I've been to his house, you can't help but think it must be something about me.

Movingout · 24/10/2015 23:23

Justaboy thank you for your reply. I do wonder with some people if OLD means there is a never ending supply of potential partners, whereas before if you liked somebody and they made you happy that was good enough. Now there is always the possibility that there may be somebody better out there. It's not like that for me but who knows, men are strange!

niceupthedance · 25/10/2015 06:29

It's unlikely to be anything to do with you personally. Either he's met someone else or is having a crisis of some kind. It's very rude of him. When this has happened to me before I have called them out on their behaviour but I know others favour a dignified silence.

Justaboy · 25/10/2015 12:59

Movingout I think you might be right there, its a bit like the kid in a sweet shop and in a way we, well i used to do something similar when at a party's many years ago. There was a tendency to check out the best looking girls and the handsome boys seemd to get the prettiest girls. sorry for the words used there but they should illustrate the point. Perhaps this is what's happening one lady to another then another etc.

Now I had a read of our family tree on my fathers mothers side and in those days 1780 odd, rural mid Suffolk, there was a very small range of available partners just a few villages around was the choice. Then the railways came and people moved around and the choice widened further. Might it be that the internet has made that "choice" so much wider its amplifying what's always been there this there's likely to be one better on the next click of the mouse?. Hence your short fat balding meet of some 50 miles distant?.

niceupthedance Yes agreed whatever the reason why there're doing OLD it does not give any reason for being rude in not telling someone they don't wish to meet anymore!. That's very bad form and in itself if they do that then they can't have been that much cop anyway!.

Original poster
kateshair · 25/10/2015 15:01

Hi all ... Hmm well had my date with me nice yesterday !
Went very well so well I stayed the night Wink
Now comes the tricky part !! Will he still be as keen ??
Am ready to brace myself !!!

OP posts:
Movingout · 25/10/2015 22:59

I really hope it works out Kateshair and there is no reason why it shouldn't. Please keep posting, I need to have my faith restored in OLD.

Movingout · 25/10/2015 23:58

Should I or shouldn't I send this text?

A WORK IN PROGRESS AND VERY CATHARTIC JUST WRITING IT:

I'm sorry that a nice friendship had to end like this. I'm really disappointed that you've proved yourself to be such a coward. Whilst I never had any expectations, I enjoyed your company and trusted that you would have the balls to let me know if you'd had enough. I was almost beginning to think that perhaps we may have a future together but I'm glad I found out what you were like before things became anymore serious. If I said something that upset you, I apologise but there was never any malice on my part. I hope you've found somebody who fits your criteria but I doubt it will last as messing with people's feelings is just part of what you do and that's not acceptable and ultimately will not bring you the happiness that you so desire.

All the best Movingout

Justaboy · 26/10/2015 00:30

Send it, just as it is:)

niceupthedance · 26/10/2015 07:12

I would cut it at enough...

WavingNotDrowning · 26/10/2015 08:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Youvebeenbamboozled · 26/10/2015 09:58

Moving It's a difficult one, but tbh I don't think I'd send it either. It'd probably just feed his stupid warped ego..

Waving ahh, always tough this, do you think men struggle with deciding what to text a woman when they don't want to take it further? I'd just text something like " it was great to meet you and you appear to be a really nice person, but I didn't feel there'd be a connection between us, sorry. I wish you the best"

I've been on a couple of dates this week, the first one with a nice guy who's left it up to me to contact him Hmm so I'll see, like I said, he was nice, but I'm not sure... The second one, we got on really well from the offset and the date went really well too, flew by, I'm just not 100% sure if the attractions there! Wow, I'm difficult to please! I'm talking to another guy as well, so watch this space I suppose...Confused

Justaboy · 26/10/2015 13:39

Sod text-ting I'd go and tell her to her face and whilst doing that doing it as best i can so it doesn't hurt her feelings anymore than necessary.

Come to that MN'etters what would you collectively suggest I should do as a man?.

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