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Original poster

Support thread for old

153 replies

kateshair · 18/10/2015 08:42

Hi all I've done old for a year now.
Have experienced highs and lows several lows !!
Had dates with no connection whatsoever regardless of getting on well via the site. Had a date with bang instant chemistry. Had dates that have turned into a relationship (so I thought ) only to have then simply disengage with me...
I'm coming close to pulling the plug on it all. Not sure it helps that I'm the ripe old age of 40.. Last time I was single was 29 and within six months had meet someone ...
Am finding the men on old go for or hope to go for women ten years younger than them..
What do you all think...
Would be nice to have a place to vent and discuss this all. The dating thread seems to be quiet of late..

OP posts:
paulapompom · 19/10/2015 18:54

Thanks kate i thought that was too long - nothing much to moderate btw, just two smiley pics, no bikini shots or anything!

Rogues gallery sounds useful - would cut a lot of crap I'm sure

violet1300 · 19/10/2015 19:56

it costs £32 a month... really not worth it. there are some nice looking men on there. but i am yet to have a decent conversation

paulapompom · 19/10/2015 20:04

Mm sounds a bit steep. A guy on here is looking for 'slim, hot, sexy girls at least 30 years old.' But he has specified 3 areas, so he's obviously not wanting to travel far.

Eachleechsparethumb · 19/10/2015 20:09

Signing in. They all think they are the first to pull the act, don't they...

Loobyloolooloo · 19/10/2015 20:24

I joined Eharmony, it's swings and roundabouts really. I've been on a few loser dates from there, one guy, asked me to wear a skirt on our second date so it'd be easier to lift it up in the back of his car! Needless to say there wasn't a second date.

I've just ended a four month 'relationship' with a guy from there too, he turned out to be not what he said he was either..

It's so true about the age thing though, what I don't get is what on earth possesses guys in their late 50's to message women in their early 40's?! No, just no!!!

Threefishys · 19/10/2015 20:30

I don't know I met my OH on Tinder - we'll have been together a year soon and very happy indeed. Luck of the draw I think.

Loobyloolooloo · 19/10/2015 20:42

Sorry, I think my post might have come across as a bit negative, it wasn't actually meant to. I've had some better experiences too Smile

A friend of mine met his girlfriend on Tinder too.. I do agree, it's the luck of the draw.

Shinyhappypeople9 · 19/10/2015 21:09

Im sure a lot of blokes couldn't believe their luck when Internet dating came along! It's like a sweet shop for them and why have one when you can have as many as you want! Hence the reason a lot of them will say anything to get in your pants, get what they want and then move on to the next one! The dull ones don't get this opportunity as frankly they will be dull to everyone. The good ones with a bit of chat and charm and looks soon realise that they can do very well indeed at this game! Some ladies will hit the jackpot but for every success there are many disappointments. I've had a few, including a nut case and two men already in relationships! Ive currently given up on it. Not sure if this single life is any better though!!

Original poster
kateshair · 19/10/2015 21:43

It is indeed a lottery !!
My history of it is as follows...
Date 1- no chemistry
Date 2- widower who went on all night about his dead wife. Not really ready to date
Date 3- great chemistry hit it off first date! Saw him for two months then he dropped me as he choose some other woman he was seeing .
Date 4- nice guy but no click at all.
Date 5- dull but nice
Date 6- nice enough guy felt some interest but unsure. He went all out to date me, charm, meals out, cooking me meals, presents real full on stuff. Three months in just when I was starting to think it could work he dissapears !! Have strong suspicion he was also with someone else but have cut him out now.
Date 7- nice enough, friendly but on our second date he had a go at me basically saying I wasn't that in to him !! I ran like the wind
Date 8- seemed slimy..
Date 9- we ve had four dates so far .. He seems nice but am treading with caution Grin

OP posts:
Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 08:38

I'm feeling a bit "urgh" today Sad

I've just been on Match (this time) for about 5/6 weeks and I've only had 2 nearly dates.

Nearly date 1: cancelled just the day before saying he couldn't manage anymore. This is code for either a) he had taken cold feet or b) he had found what he thought was a better prospect.
I texted back fine we can re-arrange to as more suitable time. I didn't hear back until almost a week later when he apologised for his silence but it had been "a tough couple of days". This is code for my better prospect didn't work out and I'm hoping you're not too pissed off to give me another chance. Eh no thanks!

Nearly date 2: charming and lovely until 2 days before our date and he sends a cock shop in the middle of texts making conversation followed by the most misogynistic filth I have ever read! When I called him out on it he thought i was being totals unreasonable Confused. Blocked!

I'm trying hard to stay positive!

paulapompom · 20/10/2015 11:30

Ellie both of those things happening are disappointing and unpleasant BUT good for you that you told no 1 to get lost. And as for nearly date 2, you had a lucky escape there, he sounds quite scary.Onwards and upwards x Flowers and Brew for the shock of that pic

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 12:17

Thanks Paula Smile

Well I've just been chatting to a guy on Match and his profile literally disappeared as I was typing a reply!

Another bloke has suggested we meet up at the weekend, and i have replied I'm free for a coffee if you are available.

However he has not replied and he keep "viewing" my profile, I feel as if I'm being auditioned to see if I'm worthy........or am i becoming too sensitive??!!

angelpan · 20/10/2015 12:21

Hello can I join? And ask some advice please

Been OLD for about a year. Have met some nice blokes but nothing happening with them. All quite dull. One that I really liked but he didn't like me :(

Been chatting to someone for over 3 weeks now. Texting, talking on the phone. We have had 3 dates. We get on very well. He keeps in contact with me, says lovely things, makes me laugh a lot. Doesn't seem to be game playing. Lots of chemistry.

The only thing that concerns me is that he has had a "colourful past". He says he moved away from his hometown over 15 years ago to get away from all that and since then has not been in trouble with the law / taken drugs. I do believe him but I am worried about letting him in any further. Do I really want to get involved with a guy with this type of history? I have children (so does he).

Can anyone give me their thoughts on this? Am I being ridiculous? I think because I do really like him my judgement is skewed...

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 12:41

Hi Angel

I'm sure others will be along soon to offer you possibly better advice but here's what I think.

It would depend how old he was when he was in trouble with the police and for what.

It's been 15 years since he has "been in trouble" so what positive changes has he made to his life in that time and how would his friends/family describe him now?

However it's just been 3 dates, and regardless of his past I would still be wary of ANY bloke after this short period of time not just this bloke!

roverman75 · 20/10/2015 12:49

I'm a mid forties male who has been on many dating sites over the last couple of years not even got to a date and very few messages in that time .I am guessing it's because I'm a lone parent of 4 (between (11 and 17) I suspect most women don't want someone like that. So much so that I've decided to give up completely and wait until the kids have grown up .on the downside it could be another 10 years .

angelpan · 20/10/2015 12:50

Thanks Ellie

I know its very early days but I just think I should knock it on the head sooner rather than later if I'm going to do it - before I get in too deep.

I know I need to ask more pressing questions of him. Its almost like I don't want to know...and anyway how do I know if he's lying or whatever.

I've had some shockers of relationships in the past and I worry that I can't seem to find anyone "normal". What is wrong with me??

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 13:06

Oh Angel I know how you feel.
I have tried so hard not to become cynical but OLD does that to you. However people you meet in RL can lie too so I suppose you just have to rely on your gut instinct.

Ask him those questions and see how he replies.

It's not just you either, I've had some relationships that have been horrendous so there's nothing wrong with you!

Roverman I know how you feel too.
If it makes you feel any better the type of woman who would be put off by the fact you are a lone parent wouldn't be the type of woman you would want anyway!
Can I ask what type of messages you send as I know I'm very put off by men who just type "Hi"

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 13:11

Not that i'm saying that is the problem, it was just an example!!

WavingNotDrowning · 20/10/2015 13:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

roverman75 · 20/10/2015 13:15

Elliementalmydearwatson .think I've tried just about every type of message through from hi to telling a bit about myself to humorous ,just doesn't seem to work !

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 13:19

Ok, so what age range do you message?

roverman75 · 20/10/2015 13:20

Waving. I do send messages but don't get replies ,I might get an odd message but it's quite rare . I respect you for dealing with six children must be hard work ,I thought four was hard !!

roverman75 · 20/10/2015 13:22

My age range is about six years either side of mine ,so 41- 52 usually

Justaboy · 20/10/2015 13:44

angelpan Can you please define normal?.

I think it doesn't exist that's why you can't find 'em:!.

Elliementalmydearwatson · 20/10/2015 13:45

I think the secret is to just keep trying.

I work in an office which is 80% female and I know a fair few women who have met their new partners online and have gone on to get married etc.
So that gives me hope.