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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

999 replies

binders1 · 16/10/2015 21:21

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

OP posts:
MrsP777x · 17/10/2015 16:48

Hope you're okay Binders. Putting the kettle on again.. Who's in?

Friendlystories · 17/10/2015 16:55

Me please Mrs P, gonna need a large G&T soon though my fingernails are down to the quick! Hope you're ok Binders Flowers

smellsofsick · 17/10/2015 16:57

Please, mrsp

sadwidow28 · 17/10/2015 17:00

Welcome Breadandwine to Binders' Army. We know that men read/post on Mumsnet and you are so welcome.

I walked the dog to the river back at 3.30pm this afternoon and prayed silently. I prayed for Binder's STBXP to leave the family home and let DS stay safe and secure. As I was saying my silent prayers/thoughts, my 16 yr old dog snuggled next to me crossed his paws and put his head down. Did he pray with me? I haven't a clue!

Friendlystories · 17/10/2015 17:03

Bless him sadwidow, mine has been snuggled up keeping me company while we wait, blimey even the dogs have joined Binders army Grin

Lynnm63 · 17/10/2015 17:04

I'm here, ready for Brew and Cake. I've filled DH in on the story he thinks OP stbxp is a twat too. Im laughing at purple headed womb ferret!

UmbongoUnchained · 17/10/2015 17:08

Good luck

MrsP777x · 17/10/2015 17:11

I told my DP about the story and he simply said "what a cunt."

Come on Binders... Your army needs you!

sadwidow28 · 17/10/2015 17:52

Fern25 I don't want to detract from Binder's RL situation, but I think our animals are joining Binder's Army because they recognise that WE are concerned for binder.

My 16 yr old dog says he's done his walk and 'praying' for today. He is flopped out on his fleeces ....

He will be ready to report for duty later tonight ... as I will.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 17/10/2015 18:02

I've just read your whole thread and I am so sorry for that pain this man has caused. I hope, for once, he has done the right thing and moved out

If not I am preparing to kit up....even though camouflage isn't really my color x

binders1 · 17/10/2015 18:13

Hi, just got away to catch up with you. This has got to have been one of the worst days of my life. Thank for all your words of support and for thinking of me and also your prayers sadwidow and your post Breadandwine. More proof that there are good men out there!

This morning I heard OH on phone to his dad and couldn't hear what he was saying but his voice was raised and heard him say she's not going anywhere.

Short while later I asked when he was going to pack and he said he wasn't. We talked for ages, I told him it was over and we needed to sort the house out etc but the priority was DS and used some of the suggestions of words posted. Said we needed to do the right thing for ds and was he really going to watch us pack and leave his home, his familiar surroundings, all his things, his own bed and he said if I did that, that would be me who was doing it to our son not him. I told him if there was no DS I would have left on day one and he knows that but he was leaving me with no choice and it was only until house sold etc. But he wasn't budging.

Sister then turned up and I gave her a brief rundown and she practically ran me over whilst she charged upstairs. "Tosspot why the f..k are you still here. Come on get a move on, pack your bags and f..k off I've not got all day". They then had a massive argument and I thought she was going to lynch him. Then friends arrived.

Time went by, loads of arguing, he still wasn't moving so we started to pack our things well me and friends were, I left sister with him and we loaded them into the boot of my car. He then came out and started unloading it and crying and for the first time ever apologised and asked me to forgive him, we can work it out etc. I was crying too for all the hurt he had caused me. He suggested a separation for a while but I said no, it's over, there is no going back.

He has more said that he will leave but will go tomorrow. The first decent act he has done through all this if he does it. He said he wanted to see DS and us both speak with him together which speaking to him together I think is a good idea. Wasnt keen on what he might say to him by himself. He said he didn't want to just leave and DS come home and see him gone. Even though he would see him all the time anyway and OH said he will go and stay with his mum and dad.

I don't know how you all read this but i think this is a good step forward and I hope he follows it through tomorrow and doesn't go back on what he has said. I think I've really got a chance of us staying here and not having to leave until things are sorted. I've asked him to ring his dad and tell him that's what's happening to make it more real. I think this morning his dad was making sure my dc wasn't leaving.

DS will back soon and when he is asleep I am going over to sisters for the evening.

OP posts:
binders1 · 17/10/2015 18:15

Forgot to say animals are welcome also -sister can lead them!

OP posts:
LindyHemming · 17/10/2015 18:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mattberryistoast · 17/10/2015 18:20

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PopcornFrenzy · 17/10/2015 18:20

Hoorah for your sister, she sounds fab. Hope he does actually fuck off tomorrow. He probably thought you wouldn't have the balls to move out...good work OP you've shown him who's boss and that you're not fucking about

Onmyown1 · 17/10/2015 18:23

You've been through a hell of a day but hopefully it's got through to him you definately mean it and hopefully does the right thing and leaves tomorrow xx

Zetetic · 17/10/2015 18:24

Fantastic binders. You are amazing and so is your sister.

NeitherHereOrThere · 17/10/2015 18:27

Blimey, he's so entitled and arrogant to think you would give in and "work things out" Hmm he must think so little of you to think you would willingly forgive him for shagging OW throughout your entire relationship.

Good luck for tomorrow.

RivieraKid · 17/10/2015 18:28

He then came out and started unloading it and crying and for the first time ever

The little weasel didn't even think you were going to make good on your promise to leave him, did he! Well, I hope this is a bucket of cold water to the face for him. All the best for tomorrow xx

eatyouwithaspoon · 17/10/2015 18:28

What a day you must be shattered, well done for being so brave.

popandboo · 17/10/2015 18:36

I've just read both threads. You are amazing. So impressed by your strength. So glad you have support in real life and here on mumsnet.

He really is a piece of shit and you deserve better.

TheMshipIsBack · 17/10/2015 18:44

You're a StarStarStarStar general for sure binders!! I can just see Sgt Major Rottweiler charging in and giving STBXP the fullest extent of her rage. Well played, all of you.

Brace for the inevitable crash - take care of yourself tonight.

FuckTheseSixFishInParticular · 17/10/2015 18:45

Read both threads now, just wanted to say that you are amazing and your sister is a bloody marvel.

Bravo and good luck for tomorrow! Flowers Wine

StuffYouAllInTheCrust · 17/10/2015 18:57

Another lurker here de-lurking to say bloody well done you! I know your heart must be breaking but you should be so proud of the way you've handled yourself throughout all this. Another recruit to your army here but I think we could all learn a thing or two from you right now!

Stay strong and keep you chin up. Plenty of us lined up waiting to kick him in the nads should we be required! Grin

tableanadchairs · 17/10/2015 18:57

I fear you may be in for a difficult time tonight Binders. He will beg, plead turn on the tears total emotional blackmail to try get you to change your mind. I wouldn't be surprised if he did this in front of your DS.
Stay strong, chin up only l more night till he goes (or you do).

I actually wonder if he has reassured OW that it would all blow over and that you were over reacting--probably after tomorrow the shit will truely hit the fan.

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