just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

[binders1]

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

I think you did the right thing Binders. Now it's done and you don't need to think about it. Ignore ow if she goes blaming you. I agree with the others, it sounds like she had had a previous affair with somebody else. He deserves a real chance at being happy with someone who respects him.

Well done Binders. I know it was hard, but I think you did the right thing.

Well done binders that must have been horrible, but was the right thing to do, he can start the rest of his life now.

Ex and OW have no right at all to be angry about it and they know it - tbh she practically asked you to put her out of her misery (not thinking about her husband's misery, as usual), and it's in everyone's interests for the inevitable to happen as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Oh and I don't think you missed anything important, I think it was very kindly and directly done. So much better than him hearing on the grapevine, not being sure of what was true or not etc.

Binders can I just say that you have behaved with wonderful strength, dignity and integrity.

If your ex or OW ever try to blame you for telling her DH, please know that it was inevitable that he would find out eventually (it seems maybe he already knew something) so it was far kinder for it to have come from you, now at this moment, than in months/years to come.

Now that he knows I hope your anxiety around that issue can go, what's done is done, you no longer have to agonise over whether or not to tell him. One less thing to worry about. If OW ever contacts you again you can simply inform her that the moment you decided to tell him was when she was so self-centred as to contact you putting her needs above your own, at a time when you were at your lowest ebb because of her and your ex's behaviour. She really only has herself to blame for all of the fall out and the same goes for your ex.

I'm afraid it comes as no surprise that your ex is getting nasty now, he's lost his control. Sod him, have a lovely time with Rotty (hi Rotty, big BIG fan here) and DS and stop thinking that you're responsible for anybody's heartbreak.

I need HellKitty to do a picture of OW sobbing over sending that dumb text!

De lurking to say well done. The hardest part is done now Binders - you have done all the 'telling' you need to do. Now you can just stop worrying about having to be the bearer of bad news which tosspot should have had to deal with. Now you get to focus on you and your DS, and start building the next part of your future (starting with Halloween costumes by the sounds of things [thismile])

And if ExP or if OW DARE to be outraged at you telling OW's DH (which they may they now have nothing to lose), I would be VERY tempted to say something along the lines of:

"I was never going to tell him. In fact, I would have stayed quiet forever were it not for one thing. And that was the selfish, self serving text that I received from OW where she showed no remorse for the collapse of my relationship, the impact she had made on the lives of me or DS nor the ripples of upset that would spread throughout both our families. Not one shred. Had she not sent that text and shown me exactly who she is, I would probably have kept your secret forever"

Knowing that the undoing of her relationship wasn't down to a 20 year affair but a single text will stick in OW 's throat for a very long time. I know you aren't in the business of revenge, but, frankly, fuck her.

smiley fail. I feel the need to add it

Well done op

On a separate note I'm sure some of us live near you and wouldn't mind a bit of house sitting in the dark

I can borrow my sons Jason vorhees (sp) hockey mask and machete

I'm in awe of your strength and dignity.

You really are worth a million of those lying, dispicable beings - please never ever let anyone lead you to believe otherwise

Binders, that phonecall was perfect. Far kinder than him finding out through the gossip mill.
Enjoy your takeaway with Rotty.

Binders you aced it...so dignified.

I hope you enjoyed your sleep over and managed some sleep.

Well done, binders :)

Well done binders you saved him the humiliating experience of being whispered about or overhearing it in the pub. You put him back in control of his destiny. Now you can support each other if the slags and your ex try bullying tactics.

delurking to say good on you binders for handling these last few weeks so well. i did worry about how EX and OW would unjustifiably have a go at you for letting OWH know, but with Rotty on your side am sure you will be fine.

I hope you had a relaxing evening. Just one not so happy thing to suggest - a visit to the sexual health clinic, it seems the OWH has implied that your x may not have been the only one OW has cheated with across those 14 years and though everything is probably fine it's good to be sure as not everything is symptomatic.

You don't owe x and ow an explanation of anything and tbh I wouldn't give them one either. They will just manipulate anything you say to make themselves the victims I expect.

Good, that is done, & you can move on to positive things with DS. I hope they both leave you alone ... Hope that OW can sleep better now smirk

Yes, you don't owe ex or ow any explanation. Judging by her h's response, she's done it before.

Really proud of you Binder - he will think you in the long term.

Am coming out of the shadows to send my support to you Binders. I have been lurking but not posting (I suspect like a lot more) and was away for a few days with no access to MN. First thing I did was come on here to check how you are doing. You might not feel it but let me tell you you are a strong woman with a heart of gold. You sound like the kind of person everyone needs as a friend. The very, very best to you and your little boy.

Also delurking-well done you! Would you consider a NC to playedablinder ;) You could write the book on the perfect way to get through all this-with thanks, of course, to the great advice of so many. Wishing you and your DS the very best

Another de-lurking to say I think you did the right thing, in the right way, for the right reasons.

Definitely the right thing to have done.

Hi binders - hope that you're ok. I was a little worried that the twats were giving you trouble but I'm sure you're just getting on with life and focusing on DS.

If they are giving you trouble, you have got people with bats here who I am certain would love to help.....