just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

[binders1]

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

Can't cope, can't think straight - how dare she.

OW has just sent me this text..

'I know I am probably the last person you want to hear from right now. I'm really sorry for what's happened but I need to know if you are going to do anything. I can't eat or sleep and am making myself ill with worry. I don't want X to get hurt and I've got my kids to think about'

I had decided to not do anything with her - only thing that matters is me and my son. If she had left me alone, stayed away... but right now, I'm ready to tear up her family, I am so upset and angry. Somebody please stop me and advise how to/if to respond before I do something I regret on impulse. I can't breathe.

Don't respond. Make her suffer.
The not knowing is killing her.

Don't respond at all.

Ignore. Let her sweat.

Let her worry: you owe her no decisions or assurances. If you (or someone else) did tell her partner (not that you should, but if you did) the consequences as per her family would be entirely her responsibility.

I actually can't breathe. It's like I'm panicking and I'm shaking - don't know what's wrong with me Chipp. Just trying to get through day by day, morning/afternoon/night and the same the next day and the next and now this.

Don't respond.

Or 'I'll do it when the times right :).'

I'm sorry to hear how this has knocked you. She is a really horrible woman.

Wow. That really is taking self-absorption to a whole new level.

Yep, ignore her. Let's hope she doesn't sleep for weeks

And if you can't get your breath, try breathing slowly into a paper bag.

Can you go for a walk or call your sister?

Write down as many answers as you like 'You're fucking thinking about your kids now, eh?' But don't send them to her.
She has enjoyed this power over you and her DH for 14 years. Now she is suffering. Let her.
If you've got an iphone, (and others?) you can block her.

If I call my sister, she'll be demanding her address and she will be off. Total nutcase!

Mind you... that's how I feel right now.

Don't do anything right now which you may regret later. You are a decent person and may regret tearing up her family in the heat of the moment.

She doesn't need to know that though. She's opened a dialogue so its appropriate to respond with 'I'm quite busy enough dealing with one unfaithful liar at the moment. I'll get around to you in due course' and hit send.

I would tell.

But I would wait til she thinks you won't first.

For now, try to relax- a walk? - a film?

I like Helmet's idea of writing down what you want to say to her, but not sending it to her. You may find it cathartic.

I wouldn't respond to her, let her carry on making herself 'ill with worry'. If she didn't want her husband to get hurt, she shouldn't have been shagging yours, should she? She's not taking responsibility for her actions, don't let her make this your problem.

Momb, OP (or her sister!) wouldn't be tearing anyone's family up: this woman and OP's did that already.

But best to concentrate on calming down and breathing for the moment!

OP's ex that is.

The irony of her text is that if she really hadn't wanted X to get hurt or if she really had thought about her children none of this would even be an issue.

I'd be torn between sending her a version of the above and ignoring her completely. That or a completely confusing "lol, patience patience"

How dare she call and ask you for reassurances! From what your posts say, she's basically been laughing in your face for a decade and a half, even dropping hints that she was more to him (the thing about the third baby).

If you do contact her keep it vague, like 'I'll do whatever I feel like doing, whenever I feel like doing it. Just like you and ex DP for 15 years.'

Unbelievable. I would ignore solely on the grounds that this is likely to have the most impact.

I would find it do hard not reply "poor you" but you must not.

If I were to say anything it will be "He will find out eventually" as this is no doubt the case. But probably best say nothing.

Keep on focussing on you.

I would ignore the message for now. Let her suffer! Her dh must be wondering what is going on.

There is one way of course that she can stop her waiting and wondering. She could come clean herself.