just found out his friend isn't just a friend # 2

[binders1]

Binder army, please find me.

In summary found out 10 days ago OH has been having an affair for the 14 years we have been together and we have one DS 8 yrs. OW is someone he has been sleeping with since college. She is married with 2 dc' s and who knows OH could be biological father of child(re n). She is also someone we have been to lunches and dinners twice yearly where she has acted inappropriately. When questioned OH years ago he said I was mad and denied a relationship except friendship. Found porno photos of them over the decades in the loft.

I don't know what else to say as so much info was in thread 1. I have relied on the support of the old thread. I call them my binder army. Tomorrow is d day, he leaves the house or we do.

You deserve a lovely rest and lots of treats.

Well done to the magnificent binder and her amazing sister.

Take care . Eat, drink, sleep. We're here when needed.

Wow...phew....it's done! Well done, and well done to you for keeping your DS as calm as possible. You sound like a fab mum, calm, loving and controlled.

Just take each day at a time. Anything you need to vent or celebrate just come on here.

My ex does more with my children now. They get a good balance of mum and dad time and are extremely happy. It was tough at first but you'll settle into a routine which suits you all.

Hope you're feeling relief.

I haven't read all the messages on here but stay strong and focus on you and your dc. You have the rest of your life to give yourself a wonderful life. I've been where you are and it got so much better, Go girl!!

Glad it went as well as it could binder. You will feel better in time and your son will manage just fine I promise. Especially having an amazing mum and aunt!

PS. I knew rottweiler would come to the dark side

Hope you both have a peaceful night Binders

You've done amazingly well.

Great that it's gone as best it go could go Binders. I'm pleased that it was amicable for the sake of DS.

Sounds like you've got the perfect evening planned for you and DS. We're all here should you need us.

Bring in the Rotty! She sounds like our sorta woman!! Xx

[binders] the fact that he has gone for now must be such a relief. I am glad that you now have some space for you and your DS.

Whatever you choose to do in the future is obviously your choice, but at least you now have some space.

So long as DS knows EP loves him ( and steps up) then I am sure he will be okay.

I'm relieved he left and you can relax in your own home. Sounds like you have a wonderful night planned with your son. Well done you and your sis xx

So happy it all went smoothly, well as smoothly as it could.

I agree with your plan for tonight with perhaps the addition of some hot cocoa and a biscuit in that bed tonight before lights out.

In the words of a Disney song:

There's a great big beautiful tomorrow,
Shining at the end of every day.
There's a great big beautiful tomorrow,
And tomorrow's just a dream away.

One small thought.

I know that binders isn't allowed to change locks but I think she should install a security chain to put on at night. This wouldn't contravene any rights.

I hope you manage to drop your shoulders a bit now Binders after such a horrific few days.

Where's Hellkitty got to? We could do with a lovely pic of Binders and ds enjoying a great chippy tea with pop and bread and butter.

I am pleased the day went as well as it possibly could. Thank goodness you now have some space to think things through.

You may crash over the next few days - but we'll all still be around if you need further support. Focus on DS for the time being. (You may want to inform his school so that they can support him also.)

Take care

Good idea Zetetic

You might deflate once the adrenalin drops, but now you and DS can re-build the rest of your lives.

Delurking but have been following since your first thread, a silent member of the binder army.

I'm so glad you've got him to move out. This is just the beginning of what will be the new normal for you and I know there is still a long way to go but I am so, so glad you and DS get to work through this in your own home.

MN can be a harsh place at times but this thread has really shown that at its core it's an incredibly supportive network and can be invaluable for advice and hand holding.

Love to you, DS and your lovely sis

Good idea Zeteric, the key in lock trick doesn't always work, ours slides straight out if a key is inserted the other side and won't stay at an angle so it blocks the lock. Binders, I'm glad this part is over for you and that he stuck to his word, hope you and DS are ok. As others have said you should expect something of an emotional crash now, you've concentrated so much effort on getting him out all your other, inevitable emotions have been pushed to one side, now is the time they're likely to come to the fore. Don't be afraid to lean on people, you have an entire army on here and a supportive family, none of us will expect you not to feel heartbroken despite what he's done, you will need to grieve for your relationship even if you don't grieve losing the man he has now revealed himself to be and no one will think any the less of you for it. Take good care of yourself and your lovely boy and remember, you will come out the other side of all this and you will be happy again, it just takes time.

Oh well done binders. So sad but I'm so glad he's seen sense for your DS's sake.

I hope you have a peaceful and beautifully cuddly night (and that your DS doesn't kick you as much as mine does!). And if you haven't already changed the sheets, now's the time :)

Lots of good wishes to you. Don't be surprised if you have a massive crash in the next few days - your adrenalin has been keeping you going but now you don't need it, you might feel like you want to stop dead. If you can take some time off and do gentle things, that would be a good idea x

I'm glad it went as well as it could do. Hope you have a peaceful evening and night with your boy.

Well done, a big sigh of relief all round

The next thing to sort out will be access. It's best if he doesn't see ds in your home as it needs to be clear that he has moved out. Presumably he is at his parents and will be able to take ds there?

Do you know what I admire the most Bindy?....if I may call you that, it sorta goes with Rotty. The way you never deviated from your decision from the very second he fessed up. You never once thought "it's gonna be so hard, I can't do this". Instead it was "it's gonna be so hard, but I will do this. You've saved yourself weeks of what I think many of us do, in your situation...dither about looking for reasons, answers that we never actually get.

Have a lovely snugly evening with your boy, your baby, and the one little person who, believe me, is going to help you find your smile again. This I know!

Well done binder and of course the Rottweiler.

I'm so pleased that he saw some kind of sense and has gone.

Defo, get a chain and in addition if you have a burglar alarm you could put this on just downstairs at night (if you are able to).

Also, he may inundate you with messages, emails etc....You could get a cheap PAYG smartphone where you correspond with him this way. This would allow you to communicate when you were ready (have some control) or of course just don't read/look at them when that phone pings.

I am so happy for you binders, onwards and upwards