First Date - so many red flags??

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

First post so please excuse me I'll try to be brief.

I've been talking to a man I met on Match for about 3 weeks.
He was nice and respectful with no dodgy messages so we started texting, again very nice with just general chit chat throughout the day.

He suggested meeting up for a coffee quite early on and I agreed but for various reasons I couldn't manage until this coming Saturday. However in the meantime he has decided that we have hit it off so well he wanted to take me to dinner. Lovely I think, finally a man who is willing to put some effort into a date!

He texted during the week which restaurant he has booked, confirmed time and asked if I wanted to be picked up, he was even thoughtful enough to say he understood if I wanted to be picked up somewhere neutral not outside my home. Asked me to put on my best dress as he was going to spoil me. All going well.

However last night we speak on the phone, very nice. He was telling me how his son had helped him pick out a smart outfit for his "hot" date on Saturday. Then when I text to say how nice it was to speak to him his replies got very sexual very quickly, followed by a cock pic!!
It was late so I told him I wasn't comfortable with sexting and I thought we should just say goodnight for now.

This morning I get a text apologising saying it was just his hormones getting carried away also he would prefer to cook a meal for me at his place instead of going out
I replied I bet you would and, in light of his messages last night, I really wanted to confirm we were on the same page as far as what we hoped would happen between us and he agreed he wanted a relationship with romance and company not just sex.

He then suggested we go for a coffee instead on Saturday night.
Honestly I feel this is a downgrade!!

My thoughts are:
His mask has slipped, he says he wants a relationship but I somehow doubt that!
Coffee is lovely as a first date, but seeing as a restaurant was already booked I feel if I accept this downgrade I'm setting the bar low and saying it's ok to let me down.
This change of heart has come about as I've made it quite clear that sex was something that would only happen once I got to know him.

I've text him saying that disappointed doesn't even cover how I'm feeling just now and I had been so pleased at the effort he had been willing to put into our first date, and this had really set him apart from other men on Match and well now he was more or less saying I wasn't worthy of a proper date.

No reply as yet.

I'm going to say IF he replies just forget it - the whole date has been spoiled for me before we've even met!!

Correct or not? Am I over-reacting?

[JellyBean31]

But surely a cast of a lad on the slack is impossible to do? Like casting a marshmallow? Or a biggish flump?

Biggish flump ....

[SunnyIsles]

Happenstance, I think that poster was meaning that the quality of women in their 30s and 40s who were on the OLD site was higher than the quality of men the same age. That was certainly my experience when I tried OLD.

And all this talk of flumps is putting me off my lunch

[Eminado]

"I can't help but imagine, dotted around the UK pubs and places where men gather to talk about stuff together online, there are groups of fellas advising each other to send cock pics to prospective dates."

This is my fear, Lovely

[BertieBotts]

It's weird. I used to get it in about 2002-2006 too, when I was a teenager and we were given totally unfettered access to the internet because our parents had no idea there was porn on it, and all of the adverts said it was good for homework.

I assumed that once they realised it didn't work, the craze would die out. But it seems stronger than ever I'm pretty sure even DH sent me one at one point because it just seemed such a normal thing to do at the time.

I always thought it was either hopeful speculation that the lady in question might reciprocate with a picture of her own lady parts, (which is, er, what we mostly used to do, if we liked the sender, because we had no idea how to respond but it seemed appropriate? ) or something to do with that "hard wired" idea that "men are visual" and since what they really wanted to see was boobs and fannies, they assumed that it would really please women to see a picture of their flaccid manly cock.

So in summary... it's probably my generation who encouraged them. Shit. Sorry

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

Update:
He actually had the cheek to message me on Match!
I couldn't have blocked him as he had suspended his account and must have reactivated it last night.

There were 2 message from last night and this morning which read:
"Have you calmed down yet x" and
"It's not where you go it's the company that's important!"

I know I shouldn't have replied but I put back:
"Calmed down? That's a curious turn of phrase to use when someone is just rightfully enforcing their boundaries in the light of your outrageous behaviour.
Good luck in finding a woman with so low self esteem that they fall for that line, I'm sure there must be some out there"
Now BLOCKED!

It felt good, going home to drink a whole bottle of prosseco!

[Trills]

Brilliant reply.

[PushingThru]

Good for you, OP!

[SurlyCue]

Perfect response OP! Well done you. How do you feel? (Awesome i am hoping )

[HelenaDove]

Great reply OP I know of a bloke who cant understand why a woman would think its unreasonable to DTD in his car while parked behind a well known store.

[Elendon]

There is no way a father and son go out together to get an outfit for 'a hot date'.

Ditch and thank your lucky stars. And good luck for future dates.

[Elendon]

Great reply. But in future?

Don't give them the steam off your piss on a cold morning.

[WhatALoadOfOldBollocks]

"Why do these 'men' send cock shots? Would they go up to a woman in a pub and whilst making small talk whip out their togger? Or do they walk up to a woman in the street and start to wave their willy around???"
I can't believe that in this day and age it's not illegal to send unsolicited nude photos. Because as you've pointed out, what's the difference between a man texting a photo of his cock without consent and flashing a woman in public?!

There was an article on Radio 2 recently about how cyber crime isn't yet treated with the same importance as simliar crimes conducted in real life. Why we're so slow regarding this I don't understand, especially as we've had the internet for 20 years.

[BeanIontach]

I love that line

"I would rather see a photo of some very competent DIY he'd completed"

If it ever happens to me, that's how I will reply.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

"Have you calmed down?" I just want to reach through the screen and punch his stupid smarmy face.

Well done, OP.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

"It's the company..."

Oooh, that he can't even see how easily that could have been answered, proof what an arrogant moron he is.

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

I am honestly looking into the possibility of starting a website to shamed these men who send unsolicited cock pics.

I have just the name for it, sorry I can't remember who suggested it, but it just HAS to be called:

Block the Cock!!

[PersonalTinsel]

Ellie there's a website / Twitter account called Bye Felipe for exactly this - naming and shaming men who send cock pics and also those who dish out verbal abuse.

I agree with all in this thread, it's downright sexual harassment and needs to stop.

[rumred]

It's basically flashing 21st century style isn't it.

I gave up on old last year. I looked at pof recently and it was stunningly awful. I'd say 90% proclaimed their happy normal disposition, and warned off 'nutters'. That's the gay bit, don't know if the straight ads are as cringe worthy. And of the 90% majority want cosy nights in with wine and dvd and love their friends and family. Talk about stating the obvious.
Anyway. Not for me anymore.

But back to the point, flashing online should be treated as flashing in the flesh. I'm surprised it isn't

[Trills]

"I would rather see a photo of some very competent DIY he'd completed"

Oh yes please.

I thought that Bye Felipe was specifically for the case when
1 - he says something to you indicating interest
2 - you say no thanks
3 - he says "you're fat and ugly anyway"

Basically when a man's interest turns into apparent disgust and hatred on being rejected.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

Thank you for remijgmfing me about Bye Felipe! I couldn't remember the name for a bit.

Anybody who hasn't seen the site yet, dip in and out when you want angry/funny inspiration.

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I don't do OLD, so don't know, but isn't it painfully obvious that a.n. dating website itself has the power to police this sort of thing? One simple rule: "no unsolicited cock shots". Or, if they really want to pretend this is a two-way problem: "no unsolicited graphic or offensive images". How difficult would this be?!?

[BertieBotts]

I think PSE because they do it off site. Once they've got your mobile number or email address or skype contact.

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

Yes, that's definitely the problem; it's all off site.

I think I may warn blokes in future if I ever give out my phone number again that is they send unsolicited cock shots that they are giving approval that these photos become my "property" to copy and post wherever I see fit along with their names!

[OTheHugeManatee]

Cock pick = instant sacking offence.

[Suddenlyseymour]

I love the response one woman put after receiving a cock pic - "this ride needs an entire ticket, not just a stub" brilliant!