First Date - so many red flags??

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

First post so please excuse me I'll try to be brief.

I've been talking to a man I met on Match for about 3 weeks.
He was nice and respectful with no dodgy messages so we started texting, again very nice with just general chit chat throughout the day.

He suggested meeting up for a coffee quite early on and I agreed but for various reasons I couldn't manage until this coming Saturday. However in the meantime he has decided that we have hit it off so well he wanted to take me to dinner. Lovely I think, finally a man who is willing to put some effort into a date!

He texted during the week which restaurant he has booked, confirmed time and asked if I wanted to be picked up, he was even thoughtful enough to say he understood if I wanted to be picked up somewhere neutral not outside my home. Asked me to put on my best dress as he was going to spoil me. All going well.

However last night we speak on the phone, very nice. He was telling me how his son had helped him pick out a smart outfit for his "hot" date on Saturday. Then when I text to say how nice it was to speak to him his replies got very sexual very quickly, followed by a cock pic!!
It was late so I told him I wasn't comfortable with sexting and I thought we should just say goodnight for now.

This morning I get a text apologising saying it was just his hormones getting carried away also he would prefer to cook a meal for me at his place instead of going out
I replied I bet you would and, in light of his messages last night, I really wanted to confirm we were on the same page as far as what we hoped would happen between us and he agreed he wanted a relationship with romance and company not just sex.

He then suggested we go for a coffee instead on Saturday night.
Honestly I feel this is a downgrade!!

My thoughts are:
His mask has slipped, he says he wants a relationship but I somehow doubt that!
Coffee is lovely as a first date, but seeing as a restaurant was already booked I feel if I accept this downgrade I'm setting the bar low and saying it's ok to let me down.
This change of heart has come about as I've made it quite clear that sex was something that would only happen once I got to know him.

I've text him saying that disappointed doesn't even cover how I'm feeling just now and I had been so pleased at the effort he had been willing to put into our first date, and this had really set him apart from other men on Match and well now he was more or less saying I wasn't worthy of a proper date.

No reply as yet.

I'm going to say IF he replies just forget it - the whole date has been spoiled for me before we've even met!!

Correct or not? Am I over-reacting?

[squishee]

Block The Cock. Looks like you have, anyway.
NEXT!

[HappenstanceMarmite]

"what is that? Is it a stillborn rabbit?"

"Laddie ive made soup with bigger things than that"

I can't decide which of those two superb retorts is my favourite

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

I was almost tempted to phone the restaurant to see if there was (ever) a booking but honestly it's not worth my time.

I does get worse however as he mentioned when we first started talking that he lives way out in the country far from anywhere. So as of I would go there on a first date, or even the second or third or fourth!

Match needs a page where women can share info like this but i suppose it would be too far open to malicious use.

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

*potential malicious use I should have said.

[DontHaveAUsername]

I've never understood something about the online dating world, it's not like no strings attached sex / friends with benefits is taboo, so why don't people who are after that just be upfront about it on your profile or whatever it is? That way the only people messaging you will be people who are up for the same.

If you're just after a shag and you say you want a relationship like it appears the man in the OP has done to the OP, it just wastes everyones time. You'll end up contacting someone who is after totally different things, that truth will come out, and neither of you will get what you want.

[magiccatlitter]

DontHaveAUsername I wonder that too. If they are just looking for a shag, there are plenty of sites dedicated to that.

Maybe it is a power trip to trick women into sex?

[Fugghetaboutit]

Why don't women post them on revenge sites like men do? They can send these shots without worrying where they'll end up

[torthecatlady]

What is it with blokes on dating websites? They seem to assume that you're desperate! That restaurant was never booked in my opinion... Thank God you think his behaviour is weird! Absolutely do not go there!
Someone will turn up when you least expect it - seriously. Good Luck!

[SurlyCue]

Maybe it is a power trip to trick women into sex?

Some men like to feel they've 'won'. They are predators on the milder end of the scale. Sex isnt the end goal. winning the sex is the end goal. It will be used in bragging stories with their mates to prove their 'man' credentials. "Stupid bitch swallowed every line. I had her in the palm of my hand"

[SurlyCue]

Also, women who are upfront about just wanting sex are likely to be very sure of what they will and wont do/tolerate. Women who are in it for emotional involvement will be easier to manipulate, persuade, pressure into doing things she mightnt initially agree to. OP being a perfect example, because she was interested in this man emotionally she felt unable to cut contact straight away. This translates to sex too.

[HellKitty]

I really don't understand it at all. I left my XH as he was a twat. Six months later he sent me a cock pic asking if I fancied 'it'. Er, no.

He would never have struck me as that type.

[MrsNuckyT]

hellkitty - sounds more like a helpful reminder of why you LTB!!

[Handywoman]

cuntyflagbuntings

Hahahahaha!

[laureywilliams]

Am I the only person who's never been sent a picture of a cock?

[MrsNuckyT]

No, I haven't either Laurey. However, having seen a fair few in real life I KNOW that I haven't missed out on anything!

[PreemptiveSalvageEngineer]

I can't remember which fred it was - one of the OLD ones recently, but a poster mentioned how she did two adverts: one where she expressed an interest in no-strings sex (a trickle of replies), and one where she wanted a relationship (a deluge). Same site. She came to the conclusion as some of the recent posters have, that it's the chase, not the sex, that drives a lot of these so-called men.

She said it better, but I can't find it to link.

[SunnyIsles]

My first and only dick pic was sent in 2006, so it's not a new phenomenon, but it was from someone I'd been talking to OLD and sent a few days before our first planned meeting. Totally unsolicited, hadn't been sexting, we'd been talking about what a bad day he'd had at work!
I was so shocked I didn't know what to say to he sender, so I forwarded it to my friend who agreed with me that the thing was quite the ugliest one either of us had ever seen.
Needless to say I never met him.
I think they expect us to be overcome with desire for them when we see it, that's why they send them. It doesn't work like that for me.

[MrNoseybonk]

Most blokes would be thrilled to receive pics of tits/genitals so they probably genuinely think you will be too.
Sexting is a thing, isn't it?
(I've never done it).

[LovelyFriend]

Perhaps you should contact him just one more time to tell him how very disappointed you were with the look of his cock and if you were him you'd seriously refrain from sending it to anyone again.

That way you could take him down a notch and perhaps do the dating women of the UK a favour too.

NEXT!

[LovelyFriend]

I can't help but imagine, dotted around the UK pubs and places where men gather to talk about stuff together online, there are groups of fellas advising each other to send cock pics to prospective dates.

I don't know if they would be support group type places or undermining the competition style tactics.

[SunnyIsles]

Lovely

[LovelyFriend]

I did see somewhere recently a picture a woman sent in response to a cock picture of her breasts in a bra - except it wasn't her breasts in a bra but her KNEES! yes her knees. In a bra. Genius. The recipient was delighted to receive a picture of her "breasts".

[HelenaDove]

26 years ago when i started work after leaving school i found out that the girl who had the job before me was flashed one morning on the way to work.

Her retort was......You couldnt fuck a Polo mint with that!

[CalonDu]

But it's just mad, isn't it? As a PP said, if the same man got chatting to you on a bus and whipped his lad out for you to inspect at close range, you'd report him to the police and he could end up in the local paper in court. Why on earth should it be any different online?

I would rather see a photo of some very competent DIY he'd completed. Or his dog.

[RattusRattus]

It's ridiculous. I've never had a cock shot but can't think why anyone would do that? I'm tempted to go onto Pistonheads and ask there!!