First Date - so many red flags??

[Elliementalmydearwatson]

First post so please excuse me I'll try to be brief.

I've been talking to a man I met on Match for about 3 weeks.
He was nice and respectful with no dodgy messages so we started texting, again very nice with just general chit chat throughout the day.

He suggested meeting up for a coffee quite early on and I agreed but for various reasons I couldn't manage until this coming Saturday. However in the meantime he has decided that we have hit it off so well he wanted to take me to dinner. Lovely I think, finally a man who is willing to put some effort into a date!

He texted during the week which restaurant he has booked, confirmed time and asked if I wanted to be picked up, he was even thoughtful enough to say he understood if I wanted to be picked up somewhere neutral not outside my home. Asked me to put on my best dress as he was going to spoil me. All going well.

However last night we speak on the phone, very nice. He was telling me how his son had helped him pick out a smart outfit for his "hot" date on Saturday. Then when I text to say how nice it was to speak to him his replies got very sexual very quickly, followed by a cock pic!!
It was late so I told him I wasn't comfortable with sexting and I thought we should just say goodnight for now.

This morning I get a text apologising saying it was just his hormones getting carried away also he would prefer to cook a meal for me at his place instead of going out
I replied I bet you would and, in light of his messages last night, I really wanted to confirm we were on the same page as far as what we hoped would happen between us and he agreed he wanted a relationship with romance and company not just sex.

He then suggested we go for a coffee instead on Saturday night.
Honestly I feel this is a downgrade!!

My thoughts are:
His mask has slipped, he says he wants a relationship but I somehow doubt that!
Coffee is lovely as a first date, but seeing as a restaurant was already booked I feel if I accept this downgrade I'm setting the bar low and saying it's ok to let me down.
This change of heart has come about as I've made it quite clear that sex was something that would only happen once I got to know him.

I've text him saying that disappointed doesn't even cover how I'm feeling just now and I had been so pleased at the effort he had been willing to put into our first date, and this had really set him apart from other men on Match and well now he was more or less saying I wasn't worthy of a proper date.

No reply as yet.

I'm going to say IF he replies just forget it - the whole date has been spoiled for me before we've even met!!

Correct or not? Am I over-reacting?

[LoisPuddingLane]

gigantic flashing beacon

To be fair, we don't know that it was THAT big

[ENtertainmentAppreciated]

OP, you not only need to become more assertive but you also need to trust your own judgement.

It doesn't matter if the rest of the world are busy exchanging naked pictures and rushing off for sexual assignations with total strangers, if someone says or does something that you're not comfortable with, then that's your feeling and you don't need anyone else to validate it.

If anyone sent me any kind of intimate photo they'd get a message straight back saying STOP THAT RIGHT NOW and it wouldn't be followed by thank you very much either.

[UncertainSmile]

I remember being sent boob pics when I was on POF. I would never have sent a cock pic back; I don't understand why men are t worried by having intimate picture 'out there' for anyone to see.

[SurlyCue]

I don't understand why men are t worried by having intimate picture 'out there' for anyone to see

Because you cant see their face. And also men dont tend to be subjected to the same online abuse that women are subjected to when a photo of genitalia is posted online. Anne Richardson did a programme on the revenge porn epidemic. She had rape threats based on nothing but a nude photo of herself.

[SurlyCue]

Anna

[moopymoodle]

Ewww. He was obviously only willing to pay if you out out, cheeky twat! I'd get rid and try somebody else!

[paulapompom]

Oh op so sorry!! What a knob! (No pun intended). At least you sussed him out quickly when he started faffing about. I like pp (think it was Imperial) idea of sending a cock pic back and saying 'here's mine'.

There's better out there for you. X

[paulapompom]

Also I have never been sent a 'snozcumber' shot, but when I asked my dts (18) if I should go on Tinder they shrieked 'noooo' and Dt2 cried out 'mum do you WANT to see pictures of Willies????!! '

[Imgivinguponyou]

I chatted to someone online who gradually changed the first date arrangements until he was going to turn up at my home on a Saturday night in a taxi while my child was in bed. He would not accept this was unreasonable in any way.

[MissApple]

I think when he realised his cock shot didnt do it for you, he downgraded you to a coffee so if you turned down his offer of sex it wouldnt have costed him much

[GrimpenMire]

I would have sent back with, 'Ah, bless. My last boyfriend had a vein in his bigger than that'.

[laureywilliams]

So people have been receiving cock photos since 2006 at least. Might text dh as an experiment and see if he'll send me one...

[GrammarTool]

Back in 2001, when chat rooms were the 'thing', I got sent a few pathetic-looking cock pics. Back then they were always taken with a web cam- somehow so much seedier

[honeyroar]

Can you not message him back and say thank you for the picture, it was a perfect reminder of what a knob you are.

[Francoitalialan]

iamlovedbyG insensitive and offensive to who? Rabbits? They can't read. He sent a picture of his COCK. That, dear poster, is offensive, not aligning it's likeness with something dead! Sheesh!

[Trills]

they shrieked 'noooo' and Dt2 cried out 'mum do you WANT to see pictures of Willies????!!

I've never been sent a picture of a willy.

But I suspect that 18 yr olds get a much higher proportion of inappropriate communication, simply because the people they are talking to have different standards of appropriateness.

[HellKitty]

Ooh I was sent a cock pic once but I honestly thought it was his finger. Seriously. I have no idea why he was so proud of it.

[wideboy26]

The daughter of a lady artist I know runs a business making casts of body parts. The usual commissions are babies' hands and feet, but she is also asked to do pre-birth stomachs and - yes - gentlemen's intimate parts. I read about it several years ago, so I don't remember whether the intimate parts in question are on or off duty, so to speak, but I can't imagine that an off duty old fella would be something you would wish to immortalise. And speaking of immortalising, can you imagine the scene when the owner of the cast passes on and the family are sorting through his effects? "I'd like to have Dad's old telly - who wants this bronze cast of his dick?"

[Francoitalialan]

But surely a cast of a lad on the slack is impossible to do? Like casting a marshmallow? Or a biggish flump? Surely to actually cast it, there'd need to be a bit of interest?

[UncertainSmile]

Even a soft penis has a form, so could be cast. It's the hair getting stuck in the plaster that would worry me.

[Francoitalialan]

But would you get the proper shape or a sort of plaster-flattened version?

[UncertainSmile]

I imagine that the plaster would keep it in in place even if flaccid, so that you would get a proper shape to it?

[DoorToTheRiver]

Well done OP for telling him where to go. I read it pretty much like everyone else. He wanted a shag and when he realised he wasn't going to get one he changed the plans.

At least you found out now that he's a knob.

[HappenstanceMarmite]

Men Get the better deal with OD by far in my opinion. When I last tried this over 2 years ago, the quality of the women in their 30's and 40's was much higher.

What?