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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
brunetteandproud · 07/10/2015 16:22

Please be careful op...your every move on your phone may be watched.ive witnessed this happen before and it's shocking what lengths people go to.
First stop...New phone and sim!

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 16:35

Hey OP. If you haven't yet restored your phone to factory settings, there's an app you can use which tells you which apps are draining your battery. If it brings up ones you haven't heard of then you could just delete those. The app is called Battery Saver & I think it's free on iTunes.

Scarydinosaurs · 07/10/2015 16:38

I think you really have to start taking your own recordings of evidence. Can you go out, leave your phone at home and confide in a friend? And take the flash drives.

It's definitely obsessive behaviour- does he have any addictions? An addictive personality?

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 16:39

The apps I have on this phone are all just the standard android apps and there are not many of them as I just don't use them. My iPhone well you could hide any app on there as I had pages and pages worth of folders with apps in. I can't see anything it could be.
I have recently done a factory rest of my iPad as it was full and I did actually change the passcode as I did think he was snooping on there as quite often the history was showing when I would have the bookmarks page up.
Does anyone know what app I would be looking for? There's so many settings and things this phone seems more complicated than the iPhone settings

OP posts:
Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 16:41

He must be listening to it at work as was very adamant he had unlimited data we are PAYG and the tariffs have recently changed and he listens to the radio on his phone. Apparently the radio I bought him has rubbish reception.

OP posts:
Frequency · 07/10/2015 16:45

So if he's listening at work how is doing it? Are the files also going into a Dropbox type thing or does he have remote access to your PC HDD?

If it's the latter you can turn off remote sharing and he'll no longer be able to listen to them at work.

BloodyDogHairs · 07/10/2015 16:45

I'm no expert but on my Samsung mobile you hold down the middle button and then select what looks like a pie chart icon, that shows what apps are installed there it alsoa section that shows what apps are running.

Good luck Wine

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 16:54

If you use the app I suggested above it will tell you which apps are running that are hogging your battery. There will be an android version too if you need it. Anything that is recording you all day will definitely be draining the battery a lot.

Notgrumpyjustquiet · 07/10/2015 16:54

Good grief this thread is beyond weird. Keep yourself safe, OP.

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 16:55

Also you need to change your password as if he has put apps on your phone without your knowledge then he knows what your password is.

shovetheholly · 07/10/2015 17:02

Just to reiterate (because I am concerned for the OP and a bit worried for her safety here) - surely, SURELY the primary problem isn't sanitizing the phone of all spyware? Yes, the OP needs to do that, but it feels like very much a secondary issue. The more immediate problem, to my eyes is the DH who is spying, and who is likely to be returning to the house this evening.

If he is suspicious enough to be spying on her using her own phone, and the OP suddenly resets that phone, buys a new one or finds and gets rid of the software spying on her, that will tip him off that she knows. Also, as I said before, if he's clever enough to get audio-monitoring, he will almost certainly have keyloggers on too - so he may well be watching her on other media as well. In fact, he will more than likely know about this thread.

Surely some kind of plan about how to deal with him is more pressing??

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 17:05

Sure, shovetheholly, I'm not suggesting she checks so that she can sanitise, rather to make sure that spyware is exactly what is being used here. I'd want to be sure.

shovetheholly · 07/10/2015 17:07

Ah, I'm with you headagainst - that makes sense. Sorry for being so dense!! Grin

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 17:12

Not at all, shove! You make a good point.

DoreenLethal · 07/10/2015 17:16

I have to say with the updates, he probably is reading this now...this is more than about changing or resetting phones!

TheoriginalLEM · 07/10/2015 17:17

When i saw that this thread had gone to 5 pages i thought, here we go again, more mumsent hysteria with cries of LTB, but i was wrong and not one LTB (unless ive missed it) in sight!

So i am going to say it - LTB, leave now - pack a bag and get you and your children away. Can you go to your parents?

I wouldnt have an issue with the fact that he has been doing this for ages (well of course i do but... the worrying issue for me is that he has gone to the effort to record, save and file it.

I'm sorry but i would worry that he is quite unwell ( i am not saying this is the case - im not qualified to say, just as anyone else here isn't) but this is not normal behaviour, it is paranoia in the extreme, even if its not paranoia it is not right.

Please tell someone in real life about this and keep yourself sefe.

If there is a genuine reason ( but i can't actually think of one) then it will come out when you confront him (somewhere neutral and public!) and there will be no problem but in all honest, this is starting to read like something from Stephen King.

It doesn't necessarily need to be a deal breaker but he clearly needs help

Zucker · 07/10/2015 17:28

Agree with TheoriginalLEM on this. Sounds like the "radio" he is listening to on his phone are the recordings of you.

Be aware also he may react in some way if he realises you have changed passwords/deleted apps and disrupted his recordings.

Phoenix0x0 · 07/10/2015 17:29

I second what theoriginal has said.

Can someone be with you when you confront him if it has to be at the house?

I'm sorry but this is so so wrong on so many levels.

Might I suggest that you take him to the GP....?

Personally, I would stay with someone until he has sorted himself out and you can fully trust that he will never invade your privacy again.

moopymoodle · 07/10/2015 17:31

I agree. LTB. He's been doing this a long time and when you think he has the radio on he's listening to you! Any samsung phone canhave the android software changed. My husband has his own software as he's a tech nerd. I would gather all evidence, leave and call the police. If he's unhinged enough to do this then he's clearly watching your every move. He will also be watching you online and probably have a key logger on all your online access which means once he catches up on his latest instalments he will know you have twigged. Honestly this is pure madness and actually quite scary.

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 17:39

Who ever pointed out about the tip off deleting the apps has a very valid point. He has text a couple of times and seems concerned and asked what I was doing ect. I have downloaded a app to monitor usage and I put Internet back on as it seemed maybe I'm paranoid he knew it wasn't recording and within 15 mins a app was showing even though I closed all apps and it seems the "radio app" is monoriting. I've got into the downloaded settings and radio apk has been downloaded to the phone.
I have asked my friend to come over as soon as she finishes and I plan on giving her the copies of the files and telling her. I am going to take the phone off upstairs and let it record the tv.
In my mind I have all the evidence I need to confront and will be doing so when he gets in.

OP posts:
MissMarpleCat · 07/10/2015 17:39

I second what LEM says. Your H sounds like he's paranoid and mentally unwell. LTB is sound advice, you just don't know how he will react when he knows he's been rumbled. Take care op.

RivieraKid · 07/10/2015 17:43

Make sure that friend stays with you while you confront him. Or leave the building and confront him from a safe place, like a friend or parent's house. Do not be on your own, he sounds insane.

DoreenLethal · 07/10/2015 17:45

He has text a couple of times and seems concerned and asked what I was doing ect.

Wow.

Headagainstwall · 07/10/2015 17:45

Glad you found all you needed to, tho I'm so sorry this is happening :(

Please don't confront him alone.

ValancyJane · 07/10/2015 17:47

I read your thread this morning and thought it must be accidental, but this sounds so creepy. I vote take digital copies of everything you can as evidence, pack a bag and do not be there when he gets home. Leaving aside the massive invasion of privacy, this does sound incredibly concerning. As a bare minimum, tell someone what is going on and get them to ring you at a prearranged time after you've had the conversation about this. This just doesn't sound right to me.

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