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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
RivieraKid · 07/10/2015 12:23

if he's that paranoid he's recording you that much I don't think he's going to be overly joyful when he's rumbled

Yeah...if you are going to confront him with the folders, (which I'm guessing you can back up somewhere as evidence that's not on his machine/drive?) then I'd have someone else physically with you for starters and take Camembertie's advice too because this sounds unbelievably creepy.

BSites · 07/10/2015 12:27

That is really creepy, he is really creepy. It must be illegal, if it isn't, it should be.

Sitting here thinking about stuff I say that I wouldn't particularly want DH to hear, even though we've been happily married for donkey's years. Aaagghhhhh!

MajesticWhine · 07/10/2015 12:44

It is really creepy. Bear in mind, if he is this paranoid and controlling, it's possible he has access to your mumsnet account and god knows what else.

Phoenix0x0 · 07/10/2015 12:46

Have you told anyone is RL daisy?

If you haven't then I would....out of the house?

If he is filming you could he be spying on you via email/phone (texts) I'm sure there is an app that can do that....

ScribblerOnTheRoof · 07/10/2015 12:55

Tell us more about your relationship so we can try and see why he is doing this

Frequency · 07/10/2015 13:59

It technically could all go into a "secret" folder by accident, if the computer has been set to send all new downloads to that folder.

I'm not saying that's what's happening here, just that it could happen.

All of my new downloads go to a sub folder called CSI.13, it's not a secret folder, my downloads folder was getting full and it was starting to become hard to find things so I created a sub folder while I was downloading an episode of CSI.

Given that these recording are also saved on flash drives, I don't think it's accidental, but OP should be aware he might use this as an excuse as to how they ended up in a folder named Cricket. All new downloads would go to that folder if that was the case, so if OP downloaded a song or vid from the net, it would go to that folder automatically, if it doesn't then it's been set up so that only downloads from OPs phone go there.

shutupanddance · 07/10/2015 14:17

Weird. Poor op.

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 14:45

I am certain it was also on my old iPhone as listening to a few more clips they go back further than a few months. One of them is approx a year or more old from a night out with a friend.
Paranoid person, no no way. He does not listen to me at all when I talk, however when that door closes he's all ears.
It seems this is happening at half hour intervals for 5 minutes each time. I have switched off the phone now. I've had a little Google and it seems possible that everything I do on my mobile is being tracked location, call history, texts, Internet and basically everything.
Might explain the phantom texts I get and why my battery on both my phones would only last half a day.

What I am going to do? I've asked GP to pick up dc so I can gather my thoughts and transfer the evidence and also look for any more.

I will confront him, I am going to have to but I need to decide if it will be this evening the DC will be in bed. Or after school run in the morning.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 07/10/2015 14:49

Oh OP how bloody odd and very disturbing for you

Have you googled how to tell if your phone is being used like this?

Very disturbing indeed

Frequency · 07/10/2015 14:51

There must be a reason as to why he is doing this OP.

If he's not paranoid and doesn't suspect you of cheating and you generally get on fine, could it be a safety thing?

Like if your phone got stolen or you went missing? Although that wouldn't explain why he's saving the files.

Even the suspecting cheating wouldn't explain why he is saving the files tbh, surely he'd delete the ones that were of no use to him. Could it be some sort of weird fetish?

DontMindMe1 · 07/10/2015 15:13

how do you feel about reporting his actions to the police op? i'm just worried for you in case he turns violent or does something when you confront him. i second the motion that you have another adult present when you confront him - and make sure your evidence is not kept in the house and don't tell him you have made copies if it were me i'd copy what's on the computer and hide the original flash drives and other evidence with a friend/your family.

Justbatteringon · 07/10/2015 15:17

No wonder he has no interest in your day when you try to tell him he already knows what you've been up to...

squidzin · 07/10/2015 15:28

So, for 24hrs a day, every 30mins, your phone sends a 5min audio to his computer.
I mean, that's 4 hours of audio to listen through. Every day.
Does your DP have a job?? If your findings are correct, he is clearly obsessive.
Possibly a power thing, more than a paranoid thing.

squidzin · 07/10/2015 15:29

How long have you been together and how far back do the recordings go?

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 07/10/2015 15:52

Been together 13 years. The recordings only seem to happen from the times he goes to work and until he comes home. Going by the last few days. I've got a idea that they go back as far as a year possibly 18 months.
After doing research it seems this data is can only happen if you have internet wifi or Internet outside the house so I have turned off my internet and turned my phone on. He never ever used to text me during the day going back a couple of years ago as he never took his phone to work now a days he texts me throughout the day and if I don't reply within about half a hour he will text again so I am starting to think is this why he is texting so often and so I keep my phone on me more so than before? As if it weren't for him i could go days without sending or receiving one.
He does work yes 10 hour days. So going on the 22 recordings from Monday that's well over 2 hours worth per day. I go out for 40 minutes in the morning for school run. How he would find time is crazy

OP posts:
Frequency · 07/10/2015 15:57

Is he keeping every single recording, do you think?

ImperialBlether · 07/10/2015 15:57

Does he seem able to access these at work? Otherwise, does he lock himself away for hours every night, just to listen to the sound of the tumble dryer?

SuffolkNWhat · 07/10/2015 16:02

He must be able to access the files remotely (Dropbox?) and listen to them at work

lifesalongsong · 07/10/2015 16:07

I see that I was obviously wrong too about this being something accidental.

As others have said I'd suggest you now work on the assumption that everything you're doing is being monitored and be careful about what you do that might cause suspicion.

Could your phone fall in the sink or go through the washing machine?

YouBastardSockBalls · 07/10/2015 16:09

Poor you OP. I hope there's an innocent explanation.

Frequency · 07/10/2015 16:10

Could you do a factory reset on your phone?

That should in theory remove the software that is doing this.

rainbowstardrops · 07/10/2015 16:13

How very bizarre! I was convinced at the beginning that it was something accidental happening but that seems unlikely now as there's a secret file!
Very, very odd OP

RivieraKid · 07/10/2015 16:14

now a days he texts me throughout the day and if I don't reply within about half a hour he will text again

Did that start randomly out of the blue as well? Did he start doing this around the same time as you have the recordings going back to? Nothing excuses recording you like this, I'm just wondering what happened in the last two years that triggered him off.

shovetheholly · 07/10/2015 16:21

I think you need to talk to him as a matter of some urgency. I thought this was possibly innocent, but it now looks far less so. Sad

If he has the know-how and desire to spy on you like this, I find it difficult to believe he's not spying on your other devices too. I am no tech whiz-kid, but I know there are keyloggers for ipads, iphones and computers. They are certainly simpler to use than this kind of software (which, I have to admit in my naivety, I had no idea existed)

If that is the case and he is deliberately spying, he will surely also know about this thread. Which means there is nothing to be gained by delaying a conversation about what on earth is going on.

SmokingGun · 07/10/2015 16:21

Have you googled how to see what apps are installed on your phone OP? I know how to do it on an iPhone but not android. I would do a factory reset then change your google play (?) account password so he cannot reinstall any software

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