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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dh has been secretly recording me help

442 replies

Daisycloud66 · 06/10/2015 14:26

Shit, total shock here.
I've just been onto a hard drive my DH bought a while ago for us to share as last pc crashed and I lost all my spreadsheets I use for tax return,

I created a new folder for each of us and dragged all his stuff into his folder. He had loads of MP3 files and assumed it was music so I've opened one up to play as if it is current music I was going to delete it as its on iTunes. But the MP3 recordings weren't music they were recordings of me. The first one I opened was of Big Bang theory from last night and had me talking to my dog. The next one was the tv I was watching again last night.
WTF is he playing at, I just don't understand it. 22 mp3 recordings lasting about 5 mins each.

How is he doing this? Can anyone tell me if its the ps4 that's recording me?

He's gone to work so I can't have this out until late tonight.

OP posts:
fuctifino · 08/10/2015 07:09

Christ almighty, why?!

That is beyond creepy. How on earth do you go about sweeping away his covert apps and devices? I would'by even know who to ask.

Sorry you're going through this op, it is one of the most bizarre things I've heard.
Stay strong!

Phoenix0x0 · 08/10/2015 07:14

daisy How are you this morning?

Did he tell you why he had done this?

Have you any tech savvy friends/relatives who could help you search the house etc for things he has not admitted too.....because I would not trust that he had told me everything!

Change the router. Buy a new tablet/phone

FYI I think he only cried because he was caught......

DoctorTwo · 08/10/2015 07:23

Just read this in a oner and WTAF? Shock So glad you have copies safely stored, now you need to call in a specialist to sanitise your devices. Then change all passwords etc and don't allow him access to them. He's not only weird but vile.

BitOutOfPractice · 08/10/2015 07:27

Oops. Sorry about the typo ("get your fucks in a row ") Blush though to be honest it sounds quite appropriate. Depending on how many fucks you have to give.

Hope you're ok this morning op.

I'm sorry if I've missed this but do you have kids? Can you (and they?) get away anywhere this weekend? I don't think I'd want to be in that house.

DiscoDiva70 · 08/10/2015 07:35

I agree.with others that he's seriously creepy and vile.
Just a thought, if he can do something so invasive to you its worth considering if he's actually 'stalking' anyone else too, such as a friend, neighbour, family member.

SugarPlumTree · 08/10/2015 07:38

You poor poor thing, Flowers DH has said check under and in the car for anything strange just to be on the safe side . Personally though he has given the key back I'd change the locks and get all important documents to a friend. Apologies if already said, haven't woken up properly yet.

NeuNewNouveau · 08/10/2015 07:47

Wow OP, what a shock for you. I hope you are ok this morning. Flowers

redgoat · 08/10/2015 07:48

Wow. Hope you are okay this morning. Totally what Garrick and Stolemyusername said too. X

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 08/10/2015 07:50

I am ok this morning, didn't sleep well and have a headache but this is what happened last night I asked him to come over to the PC and actually played a recording and asked him calmly to explain himself. He looked light a rabbit in the headlights. It Started off over two years ago when his best friend stayed over husband had to go to work early and was worried something would happen between me and friend as he has cheated once in the past. He set up a recoder on his iPod and planted it and of course nothing happened as I see his friend as a good friend too. The friend actually said he wished he could be like us and I said something about being lucky with DH. He got a thrill out of it and started leaving it about quite often and wished he could hear my convostaions when out with my friends when we went out drinking so he searched for spyware. He said it was only a trial and a month but he heard conversations with my friends when I would be saying eg he's doing my head in today and he liked to know what I was saying about him and it has escalated. I did say that your not going to be gushing over your DH with your mates. If he's pissing you off you would say but I don't go round saying ooh I love him ect. He did say in that time he has never heard anything that he thought was out of order or cheating but it became a habit of his. He has said he is obsessed with it and what I found is files he has downloaded as the data only stays online for a week before it gets automatically deleted and as there is so many files a day he can't keep up with them.
He has showed me and logged onto the PC and showed me how it works and I can't believe this is possible to quite honest.
Almost James Bond shit. I said I'm sickened by this as its illegal and he said he has looked into it and actually it's not if you own the phone the software is on. Guess who has bought my last two phones for me.

He has been very open and actually disclosed more a lot more than I thought. Instead of shouting at him I stayed very calm and it worked. I did get the recording onto my iPod so have a full confession there

OP posts:
Barbie1 · 08/10/2015 07:54
Shock Oh dear god! What is your next move? Did you make him delete all the spyware before he left for the night?
notheroldie · 08/10/2015 07:55

Well done Daisy
Stay calm too, tho I expect there will be a moment or two when you speak to him again when you might not stay so calm.
you're doing amazing!

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/10/2015 07:57

Shock Fucking hell.

He has problems, op. What are you intending to do?

YouBastardSockBalls · 08/10/2015 07:59
Shock

I have never said LTB but you know that you can't stay with this man, and need to report him to the police, don't you?

He sounds dangerously unhinged, and what's scary about your update is how calm it all is, like he almost thinks it's normal and is minimalising it.
I can't believe you started justifying what you say about him tbh.

This man is dangerous and needs to be reported.

Whocansay · 08/10/2015 08:00

Wow. So not only did he know what he was doing was wrong, but he knew it was illegal, so found a way to get round that!

This guy is psychotic.

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 08/10/2015 08:01

Pushing all that to one side. I may repost this in legal.

We have recently moved house to a new build house. We made the reservation and my credit score went down hill when are mortgage application went in and we were refused what we originally told we could borrow as I'm self employed it didn't help. Basically we borrowed money from my family to make up the difference so we pay them and the mortgage back each month. It was never put on file at the solicitors end it was a loan. They are getting a document drawn up but we haven't signed anything yet . If he split what will happen

OP posts:
YouBastardSockBalls · 08/10/2015 08:01

Ps he's still listening to you (obvs) and I wouldn't be at all surprised if he knows what you're writing here.

Penfold007 · 08/10/2015 08:03

Daisy what he has done is illegal, the phones were gifts, he isn't using his own devices nor is he declaring the recordings. He will not have been truthful, just told you as little as possible.

Speak to the police and report the crime, your house and IT devices need checking, possibly replacing. He will still be listening and watching so be very careful. Get legal advice today, please.

YouBastardSockBalls · 08/10/2015 08:03

'If' you split!?? Shock

You need it written up as a loan. But yes, repost in legal.

Sorry this is happening to you OP Flowers

shovetheholly · 08/10/2015 08:08

Gosh, he sounds both paranoid and incredibly voyeuristic. He has problems - plural - and he needs help.

I hope you are OK. This must be such a huge shock for you. Flowers

Original poster
Daisycloud66 · 08/10/2015 08:13

Spyware has been deleted. Easily done at the touch of a button online. Have reset the phone however my friend from last night said she was going to drop a phone into me said my sim won't fit but I will pop to local shop and get a £ one for now. My tech person is in the family so I can't ask him. A mum from schools husband is a tech wizard who writes software so I am going to drop by and ask if he can look at pc iPads ect as husband has left his ipad here.

OP posts:
PipersOrange · 08/10/2015 08:18

Oh daisy this is awful! I'm not sure about LTB though. He was honest and tbh disclosed more than you knew, isn't that the first step if he's really sorry? I think some drastic steps need to happen but if he's truly repentant and you still want to be with him then aren't there intermediate steps you can take?

ProcessYellowC · 08/10/2015 08:18

OP this has probably occurred to you but you need to get a cheap PAYG phone before speaking to your solicitor or anyone else about this - Tesco do them for £15 now.

ProcessYellowC · 08/10/2015 08:19

sorry x post!
And good luck, you are handling this so well.

AppleBanana · 08/10/2015 08:20

picks up jaw from floor

Sorry if I missed it but did you meet your friend at your house or hers? Did you talk to her over the phone about it?

Just wondering how you managed to contact her and tell her without giving him a heads up at the same time?

Like; didn't he know this was coming?

YouBastardSockBalls · 08/10/2015 08:22

. My tech person is in the family so I can't ask him.

Er, why? Surely everyone will know anyway when you split?

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