To divorce over his emotional affair? And I'm pregnant.

[Marcher]

Husband was away for work.
Whilst away, a "friend" told him that she liked him. He told her he liked her to and carried on an emotional affair for a week. He fessed up when he accidentally messaged me instead of her to let her know he was awake if she wanted to call him.
He's now begging me to give him another chance. Says he just got caught up in the feeling of being wanted by someone else. He loves me, blah blah blah.
And I'm about 12 weeks pregnant...
I do love him.
But I won't be with someone who treats me like that. So I've decided it's over....
I just need other opinions as I don't know if I'm being an irrational pregnant lady...

They never change Op. They usually all follow the same script, my exh loved me too, after I told him I wanted him to move out. I believed him, let him stay another 5 years, he was acting like an idiot and was controlling anyway, he then found another OW who would tend to his every need and never hurt him (like me by going out).

It's your choice in the end but my exh still contacts me telling me 'how lonely he is' and 'how he made the wrong move' They never change.

Thanks.
I'm just devastated and never expected my life would be like this.

I'm really horrified by the wanting the best of both worlds comment. That comment clearly tells you about his intentions.

Most cheaters are selfish and are liars. They've usually been being selfish for a very long time before something like this happens. As you look back over your marriage you might find he has always taken more than he's given. Many cheaters claim they felt unloved or neglected. Personally I think they feel too loved , so much so that they feel confident in cheating. Your husband presumed you love him so much he was simply going to come home and you would move forward. His words. Can you see how he places his personal value much higher than yours ?

Actually, I do think some are capable of change. But it has to come with a genuine and heartfelt desire on their part to be different. I think that everyone is capable of enjoying the flattery and the excitement, of not thinking about consequences. A person can make a mistake and be genuinely regretful and full of remorse for the hurt they have caused. But, they have to really 'get' it and lots don't. Like your h, they don't grasp why this is so hurtful or the full extent of the damage they have done. That being the case, they can't truly feel sorry for it and are likely to do it again.

I just told him that I wanted him to leave. He will not be coming home after work.

Good for you Marcher. This can't be easy but you will get through it.

Have you spoken to anyone in real life - mum, sister, best friend?

I have spoken to one friend, but I've been quiet for a few days to process my thoughts.
I don't have a sister, and I can't really discuss this kind of thing with my mum.
I will start building my support network with my friends today.

Well done Marcher, and good luck. You've done better than me.

I think you're doing better than me.
I would have loved to make it work, but I just don't feel he cares.

Start telling people. Don't keep his grubby little secret for him. You need some support.

Probably a good time to let people know I'm pregnant too.
Should be a fun day :(

Oh bless you. I've found that one of the hardest bits. People are so excited and assume you're really happy - which I am about the baby, of course - but the truth is a lot more complicated.

If only he wasn't such an ass. Then it would not be so complicated.
I wonder if he will never care. Probably not.

I meant I wonder if he will ever care...
I'm pretty sure that he will never care.

Marcher I am so sorry you are going through this. I'm five years on from discovering DH deceitful behaviour and only now am I leaving him, I have been sad for so long and have finally decided enough is enough. I thought I could make it work and forgive/forget betrayal..........I failed.

You are sounding so strong and its good that you have friends who will want to support you and give you the opportunity to rage! I hit the angry stage quite quickly and my BF was there to listen.

I only told my mum about DH at the weekend, she was furious which actually made me feel better.

Congratulation on your pregnancy, I bet you are a wonderful mum ??

I'm glad you've made a decision. FWIW I think it's the right one for you. It didn't sound like he was particularly full of remorse, looking at himself and what he could do to change his behaviour, or anything which could lead you to believe that he wasn't just paying lip service for his infidelity.

Don't hold back on telling people. There is no reason why you shouldn't tell everyone - far and wide - about what he's done. Most people will admire you for taking no shit, and the decisiveness of your actions. Lots of people will want to help, especially as you are pg. Most will be horrified at his behaviour. You will find lots of support.

Good luck, Marcher.

I did want to work to forgive and forget. But I don't believe he has told me the whole story (and I assume he never will), and he didn't seem to comprehend the magnitude of his actions. Thinking he'd come home after his affair and we'd just move on. Unbelievable really.

I feel more at peace at now.

Being a single mum of 3 is a far better option than being a party of the half assed marriage on offer here.

I wrote, I bet you are a wonderful mum and then I made a smiley face not ? ? Which was the results! So sorry my bloody iPad changed it!

I'm glad you are feeling more at peace. I don't think I got the full story from my DH. I have two DS and I know they deserve a happy mum and I will make sure they have a happy life.

H no longer DH is upstairs and verges between cross and sad. Think he is shocked that I am finally making a stand.

Here's to the future! We will make it wonderful x

I would start protecting yourself. Look after the financial side. If you have not already done so open your own bank account. Transfer any funds from joint accounts including savings. Get copies of pension statements etc. Run a credit report on him as he probably has a credit card in his name only. That's probably how he has hidden expenses from you. Also get a copy of your credit report and see what you are liabile for.

I assume you are in the UK. Here in the US they will freeze joint accounts when divorce proceedings start and it is a nightmare. They don't freeze your individual accounts.

How long will it take to stop loving him?

Big hugs for you.

I can't imagine not being in love with my DH. It's going to take some time to get used to being on your own. There will be many moments when you question what you have done. Like when you question what your doing working with a crazy gaggle of babies at home it happens when you are own your own having a horrendous day.

I think as time goes on the love is going to diminish.

Marcher - you're doing the right thing, it takes a long time for the hurting to stop, and it'll side swipe you when you least expect.

Don't bottle it up, let the rage out, the tears fall, it does get better I promise.

I left my ex husband after what was first claimed to be an EA, but later came to light that he was sleeping with several other woman. Some men are just complete dicks, and you and your children deserve better.

Huge hugs

Good luck op. And well done for kicking him out and not being the one to leave the house!