Still shaking, old neighbour asked me for sex

[Frecklesandspecs]

Ok, please help. I'm still shaking...
I have one old neighbour whose wife died a little while ago. I've been pleasant to him and had a chat now again. Made him a meal or two when wife died.

Today he came round my house (was home with ds3) and kind of just walked in uninvited.
He said 'he needed a thing or two from a woman now and again and Wold I do a few minutes for £60. I said no way! He said more? I said I don't do anything like that and wouldn't ever consider it.

I'm devastated. Am I over reacting?
He's in his 80's and I don't even want to go out now.

Thank you Florie for your opinion.
It's difficult toe understand unless you've had experience I guess.
I think maybe I could do it anonymously stating that I this,nk maybe he has dementia?
I Know I'll feel awful doing it to a neighbour I've known for 3/4 years.
Often I've felt he's been a bit close for comfort,. But never dreamed he was thinking this about me.

Dementia or not everyone has agreed it needs to be reported.

It most certainly is not a regular occurrence with male patients who either present or have dementia.

Nor is it regular with female patients either.

I think some people are making a false assumption that all elderly men are normally sweet, harmless and sexually neutral/safe. You only need to see in the news how many cases of child sexual abuse we see where the men are in their 60s/70s.

I don't think posters are tbh.

It maybe that he is as you have described, or it maybe as healthcare professionals have said on this thread that it can be a sign of the onset of dementia.

None of us know.

It most certainly is not a regular occurrence with male patients who either present or have dementia. Nor is it regular with female patients either.

And yet, there is a link, so it is.

It most certainly is not a regular occurrence with male patients who either present or have dementia.

Nor is it regular with female patients either.

It can happen though as more than one pp have said, or are you saying they are lying?

My grandad was in his 80s with dementia. He was a lovely kind man with a cheeky side.

As the dementia progressed his comments became sexualised and over the line.

It got to the point I had to stop visiting him at the home. He didn't recognise me, he saw a young woman in knee high boots and acted completely inappropriately. I felt awful for him - the person I knew would have been so embarrassed and upset, but it was the disease so I chose to say goodbye there and not put him in that situation ever again. I also never told my grandmother or anyone else. It was completely not his fault.

Please tell his son, enquire after his health.

I think she is saying that all old people who do it are using dementia as an excuse Bubbles, like they've managed to fake brain scans involving the degeneration of their limbic system.

Op please report it, it's for the safety of him and those around him.

Just as not all elderly people with dementia strip, grope etc but quite a considerable number do if they are in an insecure environment. The reason we don't see it is that they are generally in a care home with special facilities very quickly after it manifests itself.

I do quite a lot of avoidance, dodging etc as we are expected to attend in an emergency regardless.

It does not mean you have to put up with it, it may well mean that he needs help.
It does often come to light after a stressful event such as bereavement catapults a person from almost unnoticeable very mild dementia into a much more advanced manifestation.

Yes to SilverBirchWithout

I would definitely recommend a word with the police via 101 - and say that you think he might be developing dementia rather than that he committed a crime.

Because if it is dementia causing sexual disinhibition, he needs proper help (and it does seem to be something that happens, and the person really can't help it). But if he is a rude, opportunistic creep then being landed on by the police and SS and tested for dementia will embarrass him and perhaps put him off doing it again.

I will Jason, I think that's the general consensus and I'd be worried about my female neighbours.

My Grandad was deemed quite "inappropriate" at times when he had dementia. He was in a nursing home at the time so we never found out what happened, but it can and ddoes happen.

Even so, there's no harm in telling your husband and the police. Although I might mention it to his son first, he may well need that information in case it IS dementia.

Look, he might be a lifelong misogynist twat or he might be experiencing pathological disinhibition. Or both. The only really point is that his behaviour's now offensive and you don't have to put up with it. I'm sorry your good intentions have been misread, however it's not your job to fix him - even if you could (and I don't mean by giving him a £60 hand job )

I'd tell the other woman who's kind to him, and call 101 for advice. I wouldn't bother talking to his son, as you don't know him.

I will Jason, I think that's the general consensus and I'd be worried about my female neighbours.
Good to hear it. I can imagine it's a very hard thing to do, but please keep in mind that if it is dementia this will be something that can be used to get him help.

And if not it will be reporting something that needs reporting.

Either way what he has done is very wrong.

they've managed to fake brain scans involving the degeneration of their limbic system.

Fiendishly clever, these elderly sex pests

Yes solid, I think that's best. More that I'm concerned rather than reporting a crime.

Seriously this man purposely came into her house at an opportune time (when the child was not present - in the car) offered her money (an 'appropriate amount' for a fairly cheap sex worker) in return for 'womanly services' then offered her more money when she declined.

It all sounds very carefully thought through. This is miles away from a muddled elderly man with dementia groping or behaving in a sexually inappropriate way. Whether or not he has dementia is not the issue, the OP has the right to feel safe in her own home and garden.

If (and it is a big If) any personality changes are playing a part here, the son needs to deal with it not the OP.

Silver
The police need to deal with it. the OP is contacting them.

If (and it is a big If) any personality changes are playing a part here, the son needs to deal with it not the OP.

No one not one person on this thread has excused what this man has done, nobody has told the OP to "Deal with it herself".
The advice has been pretty standard, contact the police.

Silver you have a point. It wasn't just an 'out of the blue comment'. It was a conversation and I'd guess he'd thought about how much to offer me.

The more reason, I think for me to contact them.

Frecks, just do it and you'll do all a favour all around and don't feel awkward please its for the best really in these circumstances:)

I am glad you are going to report it to the Police, which is the right thing to do. My suggestion about the son was if you felt reluctant about involving the Police.

Whatever they decide to do, you need to make it clear (through them, perhaps?) that you want nothing further to do with him to give you peace of mind in your own home.