Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

This from halfdonga x 1000; I'm sure you're not even ready to start thinking about the future beyond getting him out of the house but you need to know where you stand and how to protect yourself financially. At the moment you're three steps ahead of him, as you are the calm and clever one. He's still reeling from the shock of being discovered and still desperately trying to bluff his way out of the mess he's created - but that wont last. Now he knows the game is up it wont take him long to get nasty and try to damage you (financially and emotionally) and claw away as much as he can from the marriage.

As you both jointly own the property, you would find it difficult to get him to leave, unless he choses too. If he gets legal advise, he will be told not to move out until all the finances etc are sorted.

Just checking in to cheer you on. He's a massive wanker. My friend's husband did this to her and he was in a band too that's how he met the other woman. It then transpired that the other woman was one of my other friends. She knew he was married with children who were still school-age. 'Other woman' friend is no longer my friend- no one wants to keep company with someone like that.

I am a complete nuance when it comes to Facebook but if there is a chance OW will see it, I would do it ! At the very least it will fuck with their heads.. What's not to lose ? Cheating scum bags tell their OW all kinds of crap that they want to believe. (Have to believe) evidence to the contrary screws that up ! (But still dump the loser)....

Actually, for all the OP knows, he or the current OW may already have sought (or be currently seeking) legal advice. She should get herself to a solicitor as soon as she possibly can.

Just checking in to cheer you on OP. You're doing everything I did when I uncovered my ex's stinking sordid affair of 9 months and he's working to the script of a cheater brilliantly. It was all about him and his reputation and how did I find out, I then got the crying, pleading, begging and then the "you're a cold hearted bitch" even after I had the audacity to leave him.

Sadly the only satisfaction you will get out of this horrible situation is from tying him up in knots and watching him sweat buckets over this. I even managed to engineer my ex being dumped by his lover, then telling him 24 hours later that I had arranged it due to my threat to tell her husband.

In years to come you will take comfort from the memory of totally outsmarting the sleazy cock that thought he could have his cake and eat it and you smashed the cake in front of his eyes.

Keep doing what you're doing.

And if it helps I'm 4 years on from the misery and totally head over heels in love with "the one" and wondering how in the hell everything in my last relationship wasn't this brilliant. So there is light at the end of the tunnel. It's just a long dark tunnel to get through.

Big hugs xxx

More hugs here too

Hope you slept ok.

Just read the thread. What an awful shock you've had, and on top of that to find out he's done it before at least once.

Be kind to yourself. You sound like a very sorted person, and you're obviously doing the right things to protect yourself financially etc. But you will need emotional support from somewhere, and soon. You need to be able to let your guard down and grieve, not keep it all inside. I hope you reach out for that rl support very soon.

Just read thread too- you are doing brilliantly OP well done for keeping this away from dc and having the strength to bat your husbands tactics away- he sounds like a complete fucking loser. Keep going OP.

We had problems with the internet yesterday evening and couldn't post. Genuine problem h was frantic.
He couldn't keep up 'mr nice guy ' the goading stated up again big time.

I have spoken to a solicitor and have an appointment Monday.
Kids now know. Not that he wanted to go public. Will visit my mum at weekend to tell her face to face and get some paperwork we have stored at hers.

Still don't know why she won't come and get him.
I've asked why he Won't just go to her and it turns out ow and her family actually rent her house from her ex boyfriend.
So much for an wonderful independent woman. Renting from her ex and getting free holidays from idiot h.

Carry on presenting a facade of sublime indifference to his ploys, and remind him that everytime he goads you it serves to make you even more determined to ensure that the 2 women you know about will be named as co-respondents and to publicise their part in your divorce.

What an odious piece of work he is. Absolutely no shame whatsoever. Despicable twunt! You'll be well rid of him, honey.

There she is!
Oh that is fabulous. So he can't just shack up with her, her DD and GD as he ex pays? What a shame. My heart bleeds for him, it really does

He is totally denying any wrongdoing. Apparently its ok to take another woman away with you if she wants to get to know you.
Why don't mumsnetters know that!!
It's still all my fault. I should be in sexy clothes begging for him. I'm sure he's delusional.
Some of the stuff I'm hearing, well you couldn't make it up.

Tell him to listen to himself. Daft!

glad to see you able to post again op.

x

He's such a knob

Iseeall, I got that too. Why wasn't I making an effort? Couldn't understand that one as I'd left him!

He seems to think he's a massive cow pat that all the flies should fly to.

how would he feel if you went off on a jolly with a bloke who wanted to get to know you

sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander

He won't discuss, just keeps repeating the same old stuff.
I'm sure there is more but I don't know if I'll ever know it all.