Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

Yes. He want to know what I've found out. Not just how. I never thought of it like that.

He will have noticed you on your phone a lot during all this and will be wondering who you're messaging or what you're doing. Be one step ahead.

Cherry getting a bit carried away now I think

You are a lesson to us all. But do set up that account.

The adrenalin will disappear. Get some bananas, digestive biscuits. And

More

And unless it is coming up yo exams, tell the DCs. You have control now. He will seek to reinterpret history to them[ she didn't understand me/ refused sex/ the sort of sex I wanted/ let herself go]. Best excuse I heard recently was " you don't wear sexy underwear anymore."

Night OP, looks like Cherry is looking after you. You're in all our thoughts. You've been brilliant today

don't you just lurve love the way he can just roll over and conk out for the night? a peaceful, dreamless sleep of the truly ignorant is what he'll have.
typical adulterous male - happily pushing out the zeds while you'll probably have another waking night.

Oh God, DP used to be in various tribute bands and I know exactly the type of groupie she'd be.
Dress too short and too tight and just a bit too much Lambrini making googley eyes at the lead singer or guitarist making him feel like a rock god.

Erm..it's not an Elvis tribute is it?

Just de-lurking to say how fantastically you are dealing with this.

God alive, what an utter dick he is (Dick Swagger, excellent!)

I suspect his longing to know how much you know is so he can refute it or make up some story about it to show you how much of an idiot you are.
He wants to know who told you so that he can accuse them of lying/being jealous of him/wanting to destroy him for some other reason.

Keep giving him "no satisfaction" because it's the best bit of entertainment you're going to get through this sorry mess.

I also agree with getting all your paperwork and info in a row and then seeing a solicitor; and if you have any concerns at all that he might try to be violent, then call the police non-emergency number to get it logged or something, so that if you DO need to call them in an emergency, they know there is good reason.

Keep on Keeping on (KOKO) as we say on this board.

If he refuses to move out and insists on living in the house until it's sold then i'd have some fun at his expense.....like using his love of music to head fuck him into leaving (or drowning out his voice) - either playing the cd's or creating a playlist on Spotify with some WONDERFUL tunes:

Marvin Gaye -I heard it through the grapevine
Shaggy - It wasn't me
Whitney Houston - It's not right but it's ok
Shania Twain - Who's bed have your boots been under?
Britney Spears - Womanizer
Rolling Stones - I can't get no satisfaction (inspired by previous posters)
Del Amitri - Always the last to know
Carly Simon - You're so vain
Wham - Careless whisper
Joey & Rory - Cheater Cheater

Jessie James - Burn it up:

There's no need for talkin' when you're walkin' out the door
There's no need for shoutin' cuz you'll only be ignored
What's the point of fightin' you already lost the war
Give it up!! Give it up!!
You won't hurt me anymore

There's no need to hide it everybody saw your face
Don't even make excuses I won't make the same mistake
There ain't nothin' you can do, there's nothin' left to say
Give it up!! Give it up!!
Doesn't matter t's too late

Sheriff understand, I had a man who wouldn't change
Always left me cryin' every time he went away
I know what he was doin', but it took awhile to say
That's enuff!! That's enuff!!
Now were doin' things my way

Cheater Cheater - Joey + Rory:

Cheater, cheater, where'd you meet her?
Down at Earnie's bar?
Did she smile your way, twirl her hair and say
How cute your dimples are?
Did she use that line, your place or mine?
While you danced with her real slow?
Tell me cheater, cheater where'd you meet
That no good white trash ho?

Liar, liar, did you buy her whiskey all night long?
Did you hide your ring in the pocket of your jeans
Or did you just keep it on?
When the deed was done and you had your fun
Did you think I wouldn't know?
Tell me cheater, cheater, where'd you meet
That no good white trash ho?

Now I'm not one to judge someone
That I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man
Is 'bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell
And you can tell her I said so
Cheater, cheater where'd you meet
That no good white trash ho?

Loser, loser, hope you love her
Cause you're stuck with her now
Take your sorry butt, and load up all your stuff
And get the hell out of my house
But I just wish you'd tell me
This one thing before you go
Cheater, cheater, where'd you meet that
No good white trash ho?

Now I'm not one to judge someone
That I ain't never met
But to lay your hands on a married man
Is 'bout as low as a gal can get
Hey I wish her well as she rots in hell
And you can tell her I said so
Cheater, cheater, where'd you meet
That no good white trashed ho?

Yeah I'd just wish you'd tell me
This one thing before you'd go
Cheater, cheater, where'd you meet that
Low down, uptown, slept with every guy around
Pressed on eyelashed, no good white trash ho!?

Kesha - Kiss And Tell:

Listen to yourself
You're a hot mess
St-t-stutter through your words
Breaking a sweat
What's it gonna take to confess
What we both know
Yeah, I was outta town last weekend,
You were feeling like a pimp round your lame friends
Now your little party's gonna end
So here we go

Woohha-a-ohooh
You got a secret
Woohha-a-ohooh
You couldn't keep it
Woohha-a-ohooh
Somebody leaked it,
And now some sh*ts about to go down

Never thought that you would be the one
Acting like a slut when I was gone
Maybe you shouldn't
Kiss 'n' tell
You really should've kept it in your pants
Hearing dirty stories from your friends
Maybe you shouldn't
Kiss 'n' tell

Your looking like a tool not a bawler
Your acting like a chick, why bother?
I can find someone way hotter
With a bigger wow... well
'Cause on top of all the ways that you messed up
You weren't smart enough to keep your stupid mouth shut
I'm so sick of it
I've had enough
I hope you cry

I Will Survive Gloria Gaynor
Before He Cheats Carrie Underwood
You're No Good Linda Ronstadt
Wide Awake Katie Perry

And that great 'get the hell out of here' song

Hit the Road, Jack Ray Charles

Stay strong Iseeall.

Hope you're ok this morning Iseeall

I feel compelled to suggest Taylor Swift:
Weeeee are never ever ever getting back together.

Followed by:
Players gonna play play play
I'm just gonna shake it of, shake it off.

Sending good vibes OP, you're a legend

You have done really well. Do not expend your finite energy fighting with him, hunting for more evidence or obsessing with her. The story will unfold over time as you stumble on details and the pennies drop. This will hurt, anger and devastate you - so be prepared to roll with those unexpected punched. Continue to respond how you have being - cold, detached. Do give him the pleasure of seeing your hurt and anger. Walk out of the house if you want to erupt.

You have achieved so much - now just focus on taking one small action per day to move the practical realities along - eg research a solicitor, set up own bank account, tell your Dc, tell your friends and family.
The anger and emotion will increase and overwhelm you at times - but decide to process these emotions healthily - let them pass thru you - do not take action or engage with him when you are emotional. It is like a wave it will pass over you in an hour, half a day or a whole day....but you will resurface in tact and survive until the next one consumes you.

Look after your mental and physical health - take rest, get fresh air and set well.

As others have said this first phase is shock - which keeps you upright - you will soon collapse with emotional exhaustion - but you will come through.

Be prepared for unexpected support from people you would not expect - and also friends who you thought would be thee for you quickly retreating.

Many may have already known about this or others.

In my case my cheating husband deludedly believed he was the invisible man - conducted his affair in public in our home town - cinema, restaurants etc -

You have dealt with this brilliantly but it will still wound and exhaust you for a long time to come / so please get rl support. Take care