Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

Just had another 'how did you find out' session.
He wants to know so badly,practically begging me to tell him. The old 'i've
told you,now you tell me'
He's getting nothing from me.

Tried to rile me about other woman(no2) Am so not interested so he shut up.

Ow has a name that can have be pronounced in two slightly different ways
and I take great delight in getting it wrong. It annoys him.Childish I know.

Out of interest, have she or her husband any connection with his clients or something similar?

Would saying "I found out because you fucked up. You have nobody else to blame except yourself." be giving too much away?

I love that he is so riled by how you found it. I'd be so tempted to concoct some elaborate, theatrical story just to mess with him.
Or say she phoned me from wherever they were together so they have a barney.

I don't know how the grinning face ended up in the middle of that sentence

Iseeall I confess I'm really struggling to understand his obsession about how you found out. If it was just one small concern it wouldn't be so bad, but he seems to be manic about it

It's all very well us speculating about this, but you know him and we don't ... do you have any idea why this matters so much to him??

I've told you now you tell me?!?!?

Fucking hell. yes everything's been so fair up til now hasn't it?

Leaving aside the whole multiple infidelities, lies, excuses and the fact he hasn't told you the truth at all.

What a controlling coward.

There's probably a worst possible scenario for him, like she broke into an email account or something which might have evidence of all sort of stuff on there. He doesn't know how big a shitstorm to defend against. Might explain him pre-emptively admitting to other infidelities too. Still, yes, it's not the most important thing.

It matters to him how you found out because he is thoroughly ashamed of himself and wants to know who knows
His reputation?

I wonder how he would react if you told him that OW has been in touch and told you?

Jesus op, says it all when all he is bothered about is how did you find out? Not an ounce of remorse or guilt, or how it impacts you and your dc. You'd do well to get rid of him as soon as. He is one selfish, self absorbed fucker. I'd threaten to tell/ show all to his parents if he didn't sign the house over to me. I'd be looking for a quick divorce. He needs bringing down a peg or two.!

Keep it up, OP, you're awesome!

Did I miss something, but why does it matter whether you have evidence or not? Do you really need a reason to kick him into touch?

Iseeall I'm reading in awe of your calm power as you watch your h's unravelling. Obviously his obsession with how you found out is a desperate attempt to regain the lovely comfortable position of control he feels he so deserves. He's lived in the illusion of holding all the cards for several years, having all the knowledge and he thinks he deserves the attentions of multiple women. Keep those cards close to your chest as he's spilling far more than he would if he knew where your info came from.

A few other thoughts:

• Are you safe posting here? Does he know you're a MNer? It would probably pretty easy for him to recognise you. Would you be better posting in the other place?

• You need support from RL people. Are your adult dcs in a situation that you can confide in them? I'd suggest as horrible as it sounds, that you talk to them before he does and twists your story into a Poor me. Mum's gone mad version of events.

-You sound calm and controlled at the moment (All power to you!) but this is an enormous life-shattering shock. You are still in shock and at the moment adrenalin is carrying you through. There will be a crash. Get your support (friends, family, lawyers) prepared while you're still angry.

• How you found out, what you found out, who it was, how many times or what you tell his parents is not the main problem. They're just minor details, I'm afraid. The main issue is you have found out and now you need to protect yourself as much as possible legally, financially and emotionally. Get thee to a SHL tomorrow morning.

You are being so strong through this, I'm in awe.

I think he's worried that she's told you herself, I'd hint it was, let him doubt her......

There has been no remorse or apology.
cozie she is a single lady of 49 with an adult daughter and a grand child. They all live together. He met her in a pub.. His new hobby is playing in a band, she's his groupie.
Thats how they met.

I also agree there is something bizarre in focusing how you found out. Either he's creating a distraction to take focus away from what he's really focusing on (move money?) or there is more to this and how you found out is important.

Is there #3? Could she be pregnant? Is he planning on leaving you and moving in with #2?

Where did they holiday in, could he be thinking of moving there with her?

Complete wild speculation but as you said the clues were there - you just weren't looking - keep your eyes open now for any scenario, not just he one you suspect.

You sure it's not the daughter? Is the child a baby?

I am a wee bit concerned about you OP--you are going to crash soon. How much does your DC's know? are you trying to hide this from them just now. you need support from someone in RL not just a bunch of virtual MNers.
You must get legal advise asap if you really feel there is no future in this marriage (and who could blame you). It would seem that him going to OW would be difficult given her home circumstances and l wonder how OW's DD and DGC would feel if you should turn up on their doorstep.
Anyway you seem to be at stalemate-where is he going to sleep tonight ? not your bed l hope .
Has he given and suggestions on the way forward, does he realise that this is the end of the road or do you think he thinks it can and will be forgiven?

I would so wind him up OP. About how you know... The GPS log in the car was odd. Someone called to ask if you were out when you were supposed to already be with them. etc sorry. I can be evil and would have a lot of fun winding him up lying to him about how I know he cheated because i know he would slip up trying to explain it away giving me more info.

I knew my step dad was cheating before my mum did because he always asked for his best pants before going out. I knew my ex was cheating because well... it was obvious when he stopped putting the effort in to make me orgasm.

Typical mid life crisis then. Plays in a band and thinks he's cool
You are doing brilliantly op.
I am wondering what else he's got to hide though. Seems very odd that he is so desperate to find out what you know after admitting an affair already.

Horton it's definitely the mum(gran)
No chance of living overseas. Business can really only be uk based.
We really don't have any money, if she wants a meal ticket he's not it.
She can find that out on her own time.