Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

I know I'm a lone voice but ........ are you certain you want your marriage to end?
It isn't carved in stone that that must be the outcome
Admittedly I might be able to make a stronger case if he wasn't being such a dick now he has been caught.
He really couldn't make it worse .
Part of me wouldn't want the ow to 'win'.
She certainly planted the evidence.

How does it feel being out the other side, Pale?

While I don't agree with Jackie0's reasoning, I'd also say make sure you're content with your choices now and take your time making decisions. You have the upper hand. Do not settle for rubbish, do not tolerate only to spite the ow or stop something happening there, or to cling on to what you had which has now gone - and don't tolerate his complete obfuscations and digging more and more - he sounds awful - but I believe people can be together by choice if they want to be and this is very much your decision now despite his appalling behaviour. Make sure you decide methodically and carefully, not emotionally on impulse. You've had a huge shock.
But - I think staying together now after this revelation, won't be a good idea - I'd rather be alone than with such a sleazy untrustworthy slime - and I do think he couldn't be making it worse for himself if he tried! obnoxious. But yes don't feel you have to do one thing or the other right now.

importantly make sure you're financially secure, if you can, before taking nuclear action.

for him being an arse.

He's doesn't seem to want to save the marriage at all, he just doesn't want to take the blame for calling it a day!!!

I have all the documents I need.
He has unpacked his bag, suitcase still in the hall.
He is working/still on silent mode, which is fine by me.
I still feel this is just a pause, a lull before more storm.

Just to answer a few questions that have come up,
Sexual health, will get tested. h and I will never be having sex again.
Family will be supportive.. This will not come as a shock i don't think.
He is very keen I do not show his parents any evidence, yes they are elderly, but I do get on well with them, and I'm not going to make life easy for him.

Feel much much calmer than saturday. No tears since yesterday.

I need a little longer to internalise everything before going public as it were,but after the confrontation today it will only be a few days if that.

I have no fears about violence. He was warned in no uncertain terms this morning that one finger on me was a call to the police, and him being removed from the house.

Hugs op.
I was called a 'cold hearted bitch' too. Just on his realising that I wouldn't put up with him being a twat anymore. There are a lot of us CHBs and we are actually very lovely indeed.

Presumably you well tell your dc? Including the fact that you've asked him to leave and he won't therefore they are going to have to live with the atmosphere until the house is sold...

You're handling it perfectly. All power to you and to making him squirm whenever you feel the urge to do so, although it seems at the moment that merely the sight of your implacable face is having the desired effect on him .

This isn't what he expected at all, is it? Why aren't you on your knees clinging to his ankles and begging him to give you another chance? Can't you see what a devastatingly handsome and debonair man of the world he is?

Will your dc be home tonight and do you propose to break the news to them sooner rather than later?

My DH (at the time) also tried to refuse to leave the house and even wanted to get in bed with me - after he told me the marriage was over and he had bought himself a new house. After the initial shock came huge relief, and amazing clarity of mind.

I used a spare key to unlock his car and went out to let the hand brake off. You never saw a man leave the house so quickly. The car was ok, but sadly he came back to the front door to find it locked. The next day I changed the locks.

The EXH's change of demeanour when he realised things were not going to go his way was extraordinary. Don't give an inch. I hope this encourages you OP.

He can 'want' whatever he likes. Doesn't mean he will get it though. I'd say, I'll tell and show the evidence to whoever I want thanks very much.

Well done OP, you hold all the cards and are keeping control. Let him squirm and hang himself.

I would definitely be honest with the DC and make it clear he's cheated with more then one person.

I bet you anything you like ow won't want him now the chase element has been removed.
She'll probably realise in the cold light of day that he's not quite the desirable catch he thinks he is.

I don't know that I'd go out of my way to inform his elderly parents (depending on how elderly, their health, and my relationship with them) but I'd make sure he knew I certainly wasn't going to lie to them or to anybody else. But I would make sure that MY family knew so he couldn't try to use them to influence me or turn them against me. Same as far as the children, I'd tell them if I knew they were sufficiently mature to deal with it.

But I certainly wouldn't be above telling him that if he left I'd keep quiet. Then tell them anyway. You owe him absolutely NO loyalty.

His not running gleefully off to OW now the cat's out the bag could have multiple meanings; she's dumped him, she's also married, or simply that he wanted to have his cake, etc etc, or he's shit-scared of the financial implications.

Just want to say how amazingly you're coping with this OP. You are coming across as an amazingly strong person, although I'm sure you have lots of wobbles at times. Nothing really to add accept I agree that you must do what is right for you and your family. I'm not sure where in the country you are but if you're anywhere near the Northamptonshire/Bedfordshire/Bucks borders and you need anything let me know.

OP I have followed this thread since you started posting and you have handled it all so well and had some great advice on here.

Stand firm and don't give in to him. He has royally screwed up and he knows it.

OW is welcome to him, especially if he has done this before.

You may well, shortly, get a touch of misery, Isee, where you could well start to doubt everything about yourself - partly due to the 'normalcy' of preparing a meal etc and having the DCs around but also as a reaction to today's events. If you do, don't worry - just come on here and talk about it.

Just popping in to say Wow, Lady, you are amazing! I hope the loser realises what he has lost and soon gets his miserable arse out of your life, you are going to be so much better off without him.

Wow just read the whole thread. Op you are amazing and he does not deserve you one bloody bit!!