Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

WOW he is spectacularly stupid! As well as cruel.

{{{hugs}}}} for you OP - you will be well rid of this pathetic individual soon enough.

Just read this whole thread, OP.

I'm quite sure that he thinks you have an informant, and asked about you receiving a letter or call, because OW has threatened to tell you about them.
This suggests that she did indeed plant the boarding card, and/or condom receipt, for you to find - she must want him very badly! (why?)

Don't know why he doesn't just run to her, tbh, if she's such a big deal in the hot totty stakes; and him Mr Sensitive etc.

And how very dare you give him his own medicine back! Or be strong and "fuck you, you cheating wanker" to him - no no, woman, you're supposed to crumple and beg for him to stay, on his terms. Punishment for the Lundy Bancroft ideas, as a PP has suggested.

Fuck 'im. Or rather, don't, as he may have knobrot.

Hello Iseeall, What a terrible time for you...if this is true it is HE that has let you down and not her. HE that you have a relationship with and HE that should have been faithful.

My husband did a similar thing many years ago.

I ignored it for a while to see what happened. After all it couldn't get worse...it didn't get better though BUT it gave me time to think.

Good luck.

I'm quite sure that he thinks you have an informant, and asked about you receiving a letter or call, because OW has threatened to tell you about them.
This suggests that she did indeed plant the boarding card, and/or condom receipt, for you to find - she must want him very badly! (why?)

I was just wondering how it would be possible for someone to be SO arrogant AND stupid, he would hand his bags over to his DW, expecting her to sort things out for him, and leave all that evidence around - and then not CLICK as to how she found out.

So yes it does point to the "evidence" having been planted.

Maybe OW does want him badly.
Or maybe she has changed her mind completely and has planted the evidence for the OP to know what a twat her H has been?

This suggests that she did indeed plant the boarding card, and/or condom receipt, for you to find

possible
she may be on MN...reading all this...

Please ignore previous post ...I was being thick and thought it said 18 posts not 18 pages!!!!

GO Girl, you are doing well...

Oh dear. You're not following his script are you. You're meant to be weeping and wailing at losing such an amazing catch.

I think, under the circumstances you're holding up remarkably well. I'm just sorry that he's decided to crap all over your 25 years together.

I was wondering if she planted the boarding cards and condom receipt. I found the boarding cards first then the receipt, that was what made me look in his toiletries bag.

He thinks I looked in the toilet bag. He is desperate to know why.
If he knew about the boarding cards, if he left them in his bag ,surely he'd remember.

But he is desperate to know how I found out.

Incidentally, I don't know if I posted this on Saturday but the condoms were in a little plastic boots carrier bag in his toilet bag. The receipt was in his trouser pocket.

Any thoughts. It's just curiosity now.
Is he that good an actor.

He will keep this up for hours, the subtext is:
all your married life he has been the perfect husband, which is why you didn’t "need" to cheat on him. Lucky you! You however were sadly inadequate, which drove him to cheat.

She may well have put something in his bag but who knows? It probably doesn't really matter.

I think it's funny that he knows there's something more than the condoms. I would enjoy making him sweat. Sheerly out of pettiness, of course. And because there's no utility in telling him what you know.

The way he acted when he had NO idea what it was you had was pretty revealing - not the protests or words of an innocent man, for sure!

ISeeAll just RTFT. So sorry you are going through this. He's an absolute arse of a man! Keep your evidence, keep him panicking about who told you. And have some From me

Cross post with lovely friend.

Any one have any experience of ow outing herself as it were

I do, but she told me herself (best friend) after months of me begging her to tell me get affair wasn't with my DP. So not quite the same

It doesn't really matter who 'left' the various items around, does it Isee?

The fact is that you now know what he is. And it's not very pretty, either.

Do you have any plans for the evening?

He's desperate because he can't get his little brain around it; he also can't process the fact that you have the upper hand and he's stuffed.

He's also trying to work out why you opened his toilet bag (I think he's forgotten they were in there) and has come to the conclusion someone's split on him.
Ugh, revolting specimen.

Not a good actor, just frantic IMO.

Is the boarding card for the outward or return journey and did you find either of his boarding cards anywhere?

If's it outward, it's probable she put it in his toiletries bag shortly before they set off for their UK bound flight.

If it's the card for the return journey, whoever placed it in his toiletries bag had access to his case/hand luggage after they'd checked in for the flight.

The irony is that, all the time he is demanding to know who informed on him, in truth it was his own fault you found out.

When you're in another room to him, whistle What a Wonderful World - just a few notes - just to let him know this isn't the worst thing that's ever happened to you.

I personally think it's more likely he has forgotten about the boarding cards. Sometimes in your head it's easy to think they collect them or something. An OW wanting to tell the wife would either do so more frankly (with a letter or something) or in a way that does not reveal her identity to avoid direct retaliation.

He may be a good liar, but OP, but he's also clearly not that bright. Of course he would think of the condoms first, they have a sexual connotation.

I know it's tempting to focus on the OW at moments like this but she's really not the point. He is. And the way he's behaved and responded is totally awful.

As for informant far more likely to be colleague he suspects, I'm sure. But again, irrelevant, and a kind of distraction from the size of this discovery - that you are married to a probably serially unfaithful dickhead who thinks you are stupid enough to believe absolute cruel shite he is spouting right after having terribly terribly betrayed you. You need some space to register this and decide what you want to do. All else is distraction, even talking to him really.

...You need some space to register this and decide what you want to do. All else is distraction, even talking to him really...

I agree - and continuing to dwell on the details is really playing his 'game'. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of that. The relationship is over.

It's now coming towards evening, Isee. Has he shown any signs of going? And if not, what are your plans for the night? Do you have a spare room?

Keep him hanging OP! It's the only satisfaction you're going to get from this mess. There's absolutely no need for you to answer his questions. Is he under the strange impression that you are the one in trouble here? He is supposed to be contrite, he is supposed to be answering your questions. Let him squirm.

Op

Well done.

Have you photocopied

Mortgage
Insurance, car, house,
Tax returns
The accounts for the buddies for the last 6 years
Passports
Driving licence
Credit card statements
Bank statements
Any other financial docs eg loans from bank
Details of assets eg stocks and shares, savings accounts, life insurance
Details if standing orders and direct debits
Your address book
Any benefits you are entitled to
If you have details about your dc's fees eps do the bill, rake those too.
Take them yo your DM or another trusted friend.
Bills

If you don't gave one, set up a new bank account with a different bank in your own name

Then find a solicitor

Good luch

I have been reading this with an open mouth I hope he sees sense and leaves (unlikely but I hope he does)

OP you are a legend. Strong fabulous woman we should all strive to emulate in horrific, traumatic times.

He wants to know how you know because that will allow him to assess the degree of damage that has been done, and the strength of his current position regarding finances and his business.

Do NOT give your evidence away as that will allow him to make this assessment. You have all the power for now.

Do not contact the OW either...that gives her some power. Don't give her the time of day. Can't get her own man.

He is the ultimate asshole (and I blame him primarily), and if she did plant evidence how embarrassing for her. Spineless, skulking around the bathroom to tuck a boarding pass in. LOSER, can't stand up and be counted for her own actions.

You deserve so much better and you will have so much better.

Btw, you have had a long marriage which is not a failure just because he has slipped away recently. You have had a very successful relationship which has produced your gorgeous children. Just because he has lost himself at 58, does not mean any past failure. Time for a change. Same happened to my parents after 33 years of marriage and my mother has accepted that her marriage was a success, just wasn't meant to last forever. She is now madly in love with her new husband.

You're amazing OP.
I was in a similar situation 18 mths ago.
I cannot stress how much you need to do everything NegativeIron has suggested.
Since I also had access to our savings (and was living abroad at the time) I transferred an amount into an account in my own name. Despite his protestations that this was theft, my UK solicitor confirmed that it was family money and it did not matter in who's account it was held. I did not spend it but it was there in case my 'D'h decided to cut up my joint cards, or limit my access to money in some other way.
Keep strong. You are being amazingly strong. I have been there and now out the other side. Good luck.