Total shock

[Iseeall]

Just found evidence of the other woman. In total shock. Been together 25 years,k new something was wrong but still its a shock.
His business takes him away sometimes and he has just returned, I found her boarding card in his man bag as i was tidying up.
Shall I facebook her a message asking if she had a lovely holiday and enjoys breaking up a family.
help me.

Also I'm sure he thinks i have an informer

this suggests to me that he feels he has taken risks in regard to who knows about the affair?

Hi there Iseeall’
Just for clarity…I’m a man, so some advise from this side.

All the advise regarding safeguarding your position is excellent make sure you do it.
Ignore the OW for now that can be dealt with later……….don’t waste your energy.
Keep all your cards close to your chest as it’ll drive him insane not knowing and gives you the upper hand.
Make the decision it’s over, that gives you the power back, he’ll hate it.
Assume it’s not the first time……….if it is, let me tell you it wouldn’t be the last.
The first times the hardest, from then on it’s “well I’ve done it before and got away with it”
See a solicitor, you can usually get a free ½ hour consultation just so you know your rights.
Withdraw all marital benefits, better still ask him to leave.
It will be a difficult time for you but be resolute and you will come out the other side and as you’re still young, you’ll find another, better, man……….there are plenty of us out here who will truly appreciate a lovely women………..you deserve better x

I think op has said it's not the first time.

Op I admire you so much for being the person you are in this.

xx

Alice... Yes I am being very careful. I'm reading all the replies

One of the d c is home now. And he is concerned d c have been helping me. D c haven't been helping.

He can't seem to take the silence

Wow, just wow. He's almost funny (and clearly deluded). You're doing so well OP but you MUST get rl support now.

You owe it to him - fucking marvellous.
You owe him exactly nothing.
He owed you respect, fidelity and love - as per his marriage vows.
You didn't get those things so he doesn't get this.
Please walk out the door now.
You are not getting anywhere and he needs to be left to sweat for a bit.
Tell him you are off to tell friends and family the situation and you'll be back later. Then a chirpy - cheerio!

Too bad he can't take the silence since he's been giving you the silent treatment for ages.

Are your dc little? Will they sense things? What will you say, if anything to them? I don't envy you that task.

And he is concerned d c have been helping me

I'm afraid I find that rather chilling - if there's any chance at all that he'll start taking his rage and frustration out on them, you might want to consider getting him out of the house now

I know, you know I know
I realise this is very serious but this reminded me of Friends and made me LOL!

How are you holding up OP?

Maybe tell him that all discussion about this is done at this time as you are not going to have him behaving like that in front of the dcs. And if he continues, collect the dcs and leave.

Oh yes, that moment when the scales fall from your eyes. Priceless

Nothing much for me to add but just wanted to say how amazing you are doing.

When I went through similar situation I put all his stuff in black bags (no way was he taking my suitcases lol) and put them by the front door and told him to go. When DD asked what was in the bags, I told her and she gave him a much rougher ride than I did. If your DC is home now, I would tell them but you know how your DC will take it so do so when you are ready - just make sure they know the fault is ALL his.

Sending hugs and best wishes.

Funny isn't it, how the stonewaller can't handle the stonewalling

Maybe one of the DC knows?

OP's DC are older teens / young adults

Friends - yes - when Rachel and Phoebe find out about Monica and Chandler and are trying to flush them out.

I should have changed and chased after him cos he's such hot stuff apparently

What, since yesterday? How were you meant to 'chase after him' when you didn't know he had run away?

Yes I know the DC are older, I've read the thread.

Maybe one has caught him out/seen a text/ overheard a call

Could be the 'informant' he seems to think existed

Yes d c are older. Youngest at uni. All still at home. Any support after a split would just be for d c at uni

I like that episode of friends too

We're in silent mode again and yes the great stone Waller doesn't like a taste of his own medicine

If anyone cares ow hasn't had sex since April. Am I expected to believe anything.